mcfly-slash .. Psycho Boyfriend
Title: Psycho Boyfriend
Author: I am baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!
Rating: PG-13 for swear-words
Chapter: 1/1 … Standalone
Genre: Drama
Pairing: Poynter/Judd
Summary: I love you, Harry but … I can’t stand you at the same time.
Disclaimer: not true, not mine
Dedication: filthymind cos she plain and simply rocks for screaming at mcfly for me ;) and cazzabum!
Author’s note: Busted-overdose, think I don't need to say more ;)
Harry drives me insane. He really and absolutely does. Sometimes I just want to smack him to just get at least some sense into him. But let’s be fair, not even the biggest beating would help. Besides, he’s stronger than me so I might end up beaten up more than he would.
Everyone always says I’m the weird one. Which, in all fairness, I am. But I’m weird as in … I do weird things. Like run around in a thong, dress up as a woman, wear a tiara at gigs. That sort of stuff. Weird things to amuse people.
But he’s weird on a whole other level. With him you never know if he really meant what he said. I’ve known him for years now and I still can’t figure him out. He’s really sarcastic too which makes it even harder to know if he’s serious or not. Say, he makes fun of you, but he still has that dead serious face-expression. And then he throws some insult in your face and just when you’re almost bursting in tears he says it was a joke, still with the dead serious face-expression. That’s what he does and I hate that he does that.
He put that whole sarcasm-can’t-be-figured-out-thing to absolute perfection. So much that it became second nature to him so whenever he opens his mouth, someone is getting hurt by it these days.
I remember, one time Danny had had enough. Well, that and he was down with the flu and I think the Bolton Wanderes lost some highly important game. So to say he was in a foul mood would be quite the understatement.
And Harry, being Harry, of course had to push his buttons and get a rise out of him. Because that’s just how he is. I’m sure he doesn’t intend to be like that which also doesn’t make him realise it but I think that’s what makes the whole thing even worse. He doesn’t realise that he is being downright mean.
So one thing lead to the other and at the end of it all Danny stood from the table we were currently sat at and towered over Harry who still sat down.
“You know Harry, it’s really enough now. Your jokes aren’t funny anymore. We’ve all put up with it cos that’s just the way you are and we love you. But you’re just pushing it now. You seriously need to learn where your limits are and when to just shut the fuck up. And just so you know … this is one of those moments!”
Harry just kept sitting there, not quite knowing what to say, just looking up at Danny, his face-expression completely emotionless again. And then he just shrugged and left the table.
I think it took him about half an hour until he started all over again, pretending nothing had ever happened, making fun of Danny’s temper tantrum. I think Danny was about to give him the beating he - quite honestly - deserved but he knew better and just avoided him for the next two days.
I really wish Harry would change his ways. I mean, he can be lovely and sweet and kind and caring and all the good stuff. He really can be. And he is. You should see him when it’s just him and me, you wouldn’t think he’s the same person.
It is when you add other people to the mix when things get weird and ugly. I don’t know why. Maybe Harry thinks he has to keep up some hardcore façade or image in front of others. Which is stupid really. For one, it wouldn’t destroy his image if people knew he could be nice if he wanted to be. That you can have a conversation with him that isn’t filled with sarcastic remarks or hidden, or quite blunt, insults. Plus, why does he even bother about what people think of him or how they see him?
I get that you kind of play a role on TV or in interviews. We all do. I’m the shy and silent baby of the band, Tom is the serious one, Danny the stupid Northener and Harry is the bad boy. Fine, I get it. But he even plays the role when we’re in private with just Tom and Danny around who both know he is not like that.
Harry and me fight a lot because of that. Daily basically. And today is one of those days again when I’m just fed up with his behaviour.
We’ve just gotten back home from a long day. We had a signing in the morning and several interviews later on.
Harry had been his usual self, acting like a jerk all day long. We’re currently promoting ‘Transylvania’. So with me written most of the song I get asked a lot of questions about it. Not that I mind, I’m actually somewhat proud that something I wrote really makes people think and avert their attention to us as a band.
Tom and Danny like that too, they were happily letting me talk to all the interviewers, enjoying to not be center of attention for once. Or maybe they were just surprised that I can actually talk, I don’t know. They however, leaned back and gave me my time in the limelight.
But of course, Harry had to destroy it all. He went, “Don’t pretend to be so in depth, Dougie. We all know you’re not.” Or, “Yeah, took him ages to write the tune and still no one can get the meaning behind his gibberish.”
It’s stuff like that that just hurts me. The song means a lot to me and yes, I have taken forever until it came out the way it is now. And here he goes, made his nasty comments and I felt like the biggest idiot on the planet.
So when we got home that night, all I wanted was to be away from him. Because I was so fuming I might have said or did something I’d regret in the end.
I got into what we call my lizard room. I got out food for the reptiles and fed them, replaced the water in the bowls and made sure their tanks were all clean. Then I sat down on the floor in the middle of the room and watched the animals in their tanks. It always relaxes me.
A few minutes later the door opens. I know it’s Harry but I still don’t want to see him. I don’t even turn around.
He crouches down and places a mug with steaming tea next to me before he brings his hands to my shoulders and starts to massage them.
“Man, you are so tense. Come on, lay down. I give you a proper back rub.”
That’s when I turn to look at him. He has a soft smile on his lips and looks back at me with a loving expression.
“I feel like I’m dating a shizophrenic.” I say.
He raises his eyebrows. “Huh?”
“It’s like you have two different personalities. When it’s just you and me you’re the most loving and caring and amazing person I know. But as soon as you open the door and step out of the house you turn into this arsehole that gets a rise out of insulting the people who love you.”
“I do not!”
I snort. “Oh please. Just yesterday when we had that magazine-interview you kept going on and on about how immature I am and that you constantly have to look after me. You made me look like a fucking 5-year-old!”
“Dougie, that was a joke. You know it was.”
“Do I really? Because when you say that with a stony face and keep repeating it time and time again I find it hard to see the humour in that.”
“Oh come on, Dougie. You could have just said something.”
“Oh yeah, cos that would’ve made it so much better. Harry, we told you tons of times that your jokes go a bit far and that you’re bordering on plain rude sometimes. And have you stopped?”
“Well …”
I don’t even let him continue. “We tell you, Harry. But you just choose to ignore it. I don’t get why you have to be like that. Why do you have to pretend to be so hardcore all the time when we all know that you aren’t?”
“I’m …”
“I kind of get that you wanna keep a certain image up for the public eye though I have no idea why you even wanna impress them in the first place. But would it really hurt you or damage that image if you were at least a bit nicer? Sometimes I’m not even surprised that people keep asking us if we’re splitting up because all you do is talk Tom, Danny and me down.”
“Dougie, I …”
“And you know what hurts the most?” I ask, my voice now a lot more silent than it was before, “It hurts that you are like that in private too. When it’s just Tom, Danny, you and me. Even then you treat me like an idiot. And then, once they’ve left you’re suddenly this other Harry, the loving guy I fell in love with. You bring me tea and give me massages and hold me through the night. Only to make me feel like I can’t do anything right come the next day when we leave the house.”
At this Harry looks away, ashamed. He runs a hand through his hair and breathes in and out deeply.
“I had no idea you felt this way.” he finally admits after a while.
“And that’s the worst thing of it all.” I respond.
Again, silence falls upon us. I move over to Zukie’s tank and get my hand into it, running my fingers along the lizard’s back. Harry keeps sitting on his spot, fiddling with the bottom of his jeans.
“What now?” he suddenly asks.
I shrug my shoulders and stare into space. “I really don’t know. I love you, Harry but … I can’t stand you at the same time. Being in this relationship makes me sad more than it makes me happy. And I don’t think that’s the way it should be.”
“So you …” he chokes which makes me look back at him.
I see his eyes glistening. He’s on the verge of tears. A thing I’ve never seen in all the years I’ve known him.
“You wanna break up?” he finishes his sentence.
I can feel tears coming to my eyes as well. “I don’t want to but I think I have to, there’s no other choice.”
“Right.” he says and gets up from the floor.
I hear his feet shuffling on the carpet before the door closes with a slight click. Moments later I hear movement in the room above me, our bedroom. It continues for a while until it stops, followed by the creaking of our staircase.
Then it’s suddenly silent.
I move to the door of the room, pressing my ear against it but I don’t hear a thing. I’m just about to reach for the handle when a piece of paper is slipped through the slit between the door and the floor.
I’ll be at my parent’s … gonna tell Fletch there was some family emergency.
I’m sorry.
I love you.
Harry x
And then I hear the front door opening and closing, soon followed by the engine of his car being revved up and then getting more and more silent with each passing second.
When there are no more sounds heard apart from the ticking of the clock in the room, I finally open the door.
Everything is still in its place yet the whole room looks different. The whole vibe of the house changed.
I sprint up the stairs and into our bedroom. I rip open the closet door on Harry’s side an am met with empty hangers. I get to the drawers that used to be his, pulling them open only to have blank wood staring back at me.
I turn around in the room, noticing that all of his personal belongings are missing. Travis Barker’s drumsticks that I had gotten him for his birthday have disappeared from his nightstand … he never leaves anywhere without them.
Then I notice something else is missing. On his nightstand, right in front of the drumsticks, used to be a framed picture of him and me. The frame is still there, but the picture is missing.
I collapse down onto the bed and grab the pillow he used to sleep on, breathing in his scent. Tears are now flowing freely from my eyes and sobs wreck my body until I fall asleep.
The End
A/N 2: Sequel anyone?
Comments are appreciated.
Poynter/Judd Standalone
Author: I am baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!
Rating: PG-13 for swear-words
Chapter: 1/1 … Standalone
Genre: Drama
Pairing: Poynter/Judd
Summary: I love you, Harry but … I can’t stand you at the same time.
Disclaimer: not true, not mine
Dedication: filthymind cos she plain and simply rocks for screaming at mcfly for me ;) and cazzabum!
Author’s note: Busted-overdose, think I don't need to say more ;)
Harry drives me insane. He really and absolutely does. Sometimes I just want to smack him to just get at least some sense into him. But let’s be fair, not even the biggest beating would help. Besides, he’s stronger than me so I might end up beaten up more than he would.
Everyone always says I’m the weird one. Which, in all fairness, I am. But I’m weird as in … I do weird things. Like run around in a thong, dress up as a woman, wear a tiara at gigs. That sort of stuff. Weird things to amuse people.
But he’s weird on a whole other level. With him you never know if he really meant what he said. I’ve known him for years now and I still can’t figure him out. He’s really sarcastic too which makes it even harder to know if he’s serious or not. Say, he makes fun of you, but he still has that dead serious face-expression. And then he throws some insult in your face and just when you’re almost bursting in tears he says it was a joke, still with the dead serious face-expression. That’s what he does and I hate that he does that.
He put that whole sarcasm-can’t-be-figured-out-thing to absolute perfection. So much that it became second nature to him so whenever he opens his mouth, someone is getting hurt by it these days.
I remember, one time Danny had had enough. Well, that and he was down with the flu and I think the Bolton Wanderes lost some highly important game. So to say he was in a foul mood would be quite the understatement.
And Harry, being Harry, of course had to push his buttons and get a rise out of him. Because that’s just how he is. I’m sure he doesn’t intend to be like that which also doesn’t make him realise it but I think that’s what makes the whole thing even worse. He doesn’t realise that he is being downright mean.
So one thing lead to the other and at the end of it all Danny stood from the table we were currently sat at and towered over Harry who still sat down.
“You know Harry, it’s really enough now. Your jokes aren’t funny anymore. We’ve all put up with it cos that’s just the way you are and we love you. But you’re just pushing it now. You seriously need to learn where your limits are and when to just shut the fuck up. And just so you know … this is one of those moments!”
Harry just kept sitting there, not quite knowing what to say, just looking up at Danny, his face-expression completely emotionless again. And then he just shrugged and left the table.
I think it took him about half an hour until he started all over again, pretending nothing had ever happened, making fun of Danny’s temper tantrum. I think Danny was about to give him the beating he - quite honestly - deserved but he knew better and just avoided him for the next two days.
I really wish Harry would change his ways. I mean, he can be lovely and sweet and kind and caring and all the good stuff. He really can be. And he is. You should see him when it’s just him and me, you wouldn’t think he’s the same person.
It is when you add other people to the mix when things get weird and ugly. I don’t know why. Maybe Harry thinks he has to keep up some hardcore façade or image in front of others. Which is stupid really. For one, it wouldn’t destroy his image if people knew he could be nice if he wanted to be. That you can have a conversation with him that isn’t filled with sarcastic remarks or hidden, or quite blunt, insults. Plus, why does he even bother about what people think of him or how they see him?
I get that you kind of play a role on TV or in interviews. We all do. I’m the shy and silent baby of the band, Tom is the serious one, Danny the stupid Northener and Harry is the bad boy. Fine, I get it. But he even plays the role when we’re in private with just Tom and Danny around who both know he is not like that.
Harry and me fight a lot because of that. Daily basically. And today is one of those days again when I’m just fed up with his behaviour.
We’ve just gotten back home from a long day. We had a signing in the morning and several interviews later on.
Harry had been his usual self, acting like a jerk all day long. We’re currently promoting ‘Transylvania’. So with me written most of the song I get asked a lot of questions about it. Not that I mind, I’m actually somewhat proud that something I wrote really makes people think and avert their attention to us as a band.
Tom and Danny like that too, they were happily letting me talk to all the interviewers, enjoying to not be center of attention for once. Or maybe they were just surprised that I can actually talk, I don’t know. They however, leaned back and gave me my time in the limelight.
But of course, Harry had to destroy it all. He went, “Don’t pretend to be so in depth, Dougie. We all know you’re not.” Or, “Yeah, took him ages to write the tune and still no one can get the meaning behind his gibberish.”
It’s stuff like that that just hurts me. The song means a lot to me and yes, I have taken forever until it came out the way it is now. And here he goes, made his nasty comments and I felt like the biggest idiot on the planet.
So when we got home that night, all I wanted was to be away from him. Because I was so fuming I might have said or did something I’d regret in the end.
I got into what we call my lizard room. I got out food for the reptiles and fed them, replaced the water in the bowls and made sure their tanks were all clean. Then I sat down on the floor in the middle of the room and watched the animals in their tanks. It always relaxes me.
A few minutes later the door opens. I know it’s Harry but I still don’t want to see him. I don’t even turn around.
He crouches down and places a mug with steaming tea next to me before he brings his hands to my shoulders and starts to massage them.
“Man, you are so tense. Come on, lay down. I give you a proper back rub.”
That’s when I turn to look at him. He has a soft smile on his lips and looks back at me with a loving expression.
“I feel like I’m dating a shizophrenic.” I say.
He raises his eyebrows. “Huh?”
“It’s like you have two different personalities. When it’s just you and me you’re the most loving and caring and amazing person I know. But as soon as you open the door and step out of the house you turn into this arsehole that gets a rise out of insulting the people who love you.”
“I do not!”
I snort. “Oh please. Just yesterday when we had that magazine-interview you kept going on and on about how immature I am and that you constantly have to look after me. You made me look like a fucking 5-year-old!”
“Dougie, that was a joke. You know it was.”
“Do I really? Because when you say that with a stony face and keep repeating it time and time again I find it hard to see the humour in that.”
“Oh come on, Dougie. You could have just said something.”
“Oh yeah, cos that would’ve made it so much better. Harry, we told you tons of times that your jokes go a bit far and that you’re bordering on plain rude sometimes. And have you stopped?”
“Well …”
I don’t even let him continue. “We tell you, Harry. But you just choose to ignore it. I don’t get why you have to be like that. Why do you have to pretend to be so hardcore all the time when we all know that you aren’t?”
“I’m …”
“I kind of get that you wanna keep a certain image up for the public eye though I have no idea why you even wanna impress them in the first place. But would it really hurt you or damage that image if you were at least a bit nicer? Sometimes I’m not even surprised that people keep asking us if we’re splitting up because all you do is talk Tom, Danny and me down.”
“Dougie, I …”
“And you know what hurts the most?” I ask, my voice now a lot more silent than it was before, “It hurts that you are like that in private too. When it’s just Tom, Danny, you and me. Even then you treat me like an idiot. And then, once they’ve left you’re suddenly this other Harry, the loving guy I fell in love with. You bring me tea and give me massages and hold me through the night. Only to make me feel like I can’t do anything right come the next day when we leave the house.”
At this Harry looks away, ashamed. He runs a hand through his hair and breathes in and out deeply.
“I had no idea you felt this way.” he finally admits after a while.
“And that’s the worst thing of it all.” I respond.
Again, silence falls upon us. I move over to Zukie’s tank and get my hand into it, running my fingers along the lizard’s back. Harry keeps sitting on his spot, fiddling with the bottom of his jeans.
“What now?” he suddenly asks.
I shrug my shoulders and stare into space. “I really don’t know. I love you, Harry but … I can’t stand you at the same time. Being in this relationship makes me sad more than it makes me happy. And I don’t think that’s the way it should be.”
“So you …” he chokes which makes me look back at him.
I see his eyes glistening. He’s on the verge of tears. A thing I’ve never seen in all the years I’ve known him.
“You wanna break up?” he finishes his sentence.
I can feel tears coming to my eyes as well. “I don’t want to but I think I have to, there’s no other choice.”
“Right.” he says and gets up from the floor.
I hear his feet shuffling on the carpet before the door closes with a slight click. Moments later I hear movement in the room above me, our bedroom. It continues for a while until it stops, followed by the creaking of our staircase.
Then it’s suddenly silent.
I move to the door of the room, pressing my ear against it but I don’t hear a thing. I’m just about to reach for the handle when a piece of paper is slipped through the slit between the door and the floor.
I’ll be at my parent’s … gonna tell Fletch there was some family emergency.
I’m sorry.
I love you.
Harry x
And then I hear the front door opening and closing, soon followed by the engine of his car being revved up and then getting more and more silent with each passing second.
When there are no more sounds heard apart from the ticking of the clock in the room, I finally open the door.
Everything is still in its place yet the whole room looks different. The whole vibe of the house changed.
I sprint up the stairs and into our bedroom. I rip open the closet door on Harry’s side an am met with empty hangers. I get to the drawers that used to be his, pulling them open only to have blank wood staring back at me.
I turn around in the room, noticing that all of his personal belongings are missing. Travis Barker’s drumsticks that I had gotten him for his birthday have disappeared from his nightstand … he never leaves anywhere without them.
Then I notice something else is missing. On his nightstand, right in front of the drumsticks, used to be a framed picture of him and me. The frame is still there, but the picture is missing.
I collapse down onto the bed and grab the pillow he used to sleep on, breathing in his scent. Tears are now flowing freely from my eyes and sobs wreck my body until I fall asleep.
The End
A/N 2: Sequel anyone?
Comments are appreciated.
Poynter/Judd Standalone