Life Will Go On (backdated to afternoon, OTA)

[proveto_myself]

It wasn't that Lancelot didn't feel bad that Arthur was upset he and Merlin had not told him about Merlin's magic. He did. Arthur was his friend, his brother-in-law, and he'd been willing to believe in Lancelot when others had not

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[needsthumpin]

Daunting, that was a good word, fraught with meaning, and to the point. She looked over that the man. She was first intimidated by his outward attractions, and looked anxious. Then, she became aware of what the Weave sensed as it looked not at, but into him, and what she saw made her look at him with compassion*. To the man himself, however, it might only look as though she was surprised at being spoken to, giving way to natural friendliness, though her gaze was oddly off focus.

"Daunting, aye. And contradictory. And so aiming at...the best, and perfection. Am I wrong in thinking that puts a great deal of unnecessary pressure on the parents, and, by extension the child?" She looked back toward the shelf.

"Or am I being cowardly for thinking 'good enough' should be 'good enough'?"

*[Her power is always 'on' as far as reading people, as it's just another sense, like vision. She has one foot in the spiritual realm and senses people's spirits as well as their bodies. It makes her seem a bit odd, as she's looking at things other people don't see. It's up to you whether you want her to sense anything in particular, or just 'this guy is anxious'.]

[proveto_myself]

Lancelot waited until the girl seemed to decide to speak, interpreting her surprise through the lens of the world where he had grown up--and thinking mayhap she wasn't used to being spoken to by strange men. He had gotten lax in this place, in some ways.

"I am not certain I have given it quite that much thought," he said with a wry smile. "I know my wife and I are probably giving in to the drive for perfection." And Morgana wasn't even pregnant, yet. But they had both had such lonely, tragic childhoods--they were extra determined to ensure any child of theirs did not suffer their fates.

[She can sense whatever you'd like. :-) He's Lancelot, with all that entails--strivng for honor, honest and kind and a little insecure about being a "peasant" who's married above his class. Worried about his friends as Merlin's magic was just found out and Arthur is mad at all of them, but mostly pretty content, if nervous about having decided to become a father. lol ]

[needsthumpin]

"I think raising a child conscious of what one lacked one's self as a child, and trying to prevent that lack may be a good thing, but raising a child with the intent of preventing some perceived shortfall in one's self would be bad." She frowned, realizing that her meaning was probably not clear.

"I mean if you lacked love and security, trying to make sure your own child felt them is...probably good." She hoped so, at least.

"But if you'd never been as good at music as you wanted, raising your child to be the best musician would probably be bad."

[proveto_myself]

Lancelot considered that for a moment, then gave her a smile. "That makes sense. I cannot think of anything I would want to try and force on my child, should we be so lucky, but...I lost my family very young. I want to be able to be there for mine, to ensure I give them a safe home, and the knowledge they are always loved."

But he knew, also, how easy it was to lose people, how easily they could be taken away in the blink of an eye.

[needsthumpin]

Kerai seemed to look through or beyond him, and her voice as distant as her eyes, she said,

"I think, sometimes, all I would ask the Maker for, is to be with her long enough to let her know she deserves love, and if it fails, then it's the world to blame, not her. And if the Maker spares me, and us together for longer than looked for, then that's to be more thanked," as if she were answering his feeling rather than his words.

[proveto_myself]

Lancelot frowned a little bit, more in consternation than anything else, head tilting as he studied her.

"That is the most important thing, yes, but...it is also very hard for children to grow up alone."

Which was a major worry with this place--what if a child was born, but did not go with them when they returned home?

[needsthumpin]

"Many and many children among my people have had to do so." Kerai answered.

[proveto_myself]

"As they have in my world," Lancelot said gently. "That does not make it the life one would wish for ones child, does it?"

[needsthumpin]

"No, but nothing has led to more evil doing than people feeling they have a right to something, and then been deprived and seeking vengeance on the world, or whoever they can lay hands upon. So...I hope small, and if I am granted more, then I'm grateful."

[proveto_myself]

Lancelot considered that for a moment. "That seems like a wise sort of stance to take. Vengeance is never an honorable path."

[needsthumpin]

"Especially when there is no real guilty party...just, the way of things."

[proveto_myself]

"Or the guilty parties are long since dissipated. Sometimes those like them remain, but then there can be no vengeance, only protecting the innocent." Which was what he tried to do. Or had tried to do, once. He supposed still, too, but it was harder here to keep that purpose when attacks were few and far between.

Not that he wanted more of them by any means, but it left him wondering what he was teaching men to fight for--play?

[needsthumpin]

"It's hard, sometimes to know when innocents would be better protected by the laying aside of weapons."

[proveto_myself]

"Can those sworn to protect them do so, when they are threatened?" He could understand a pacifist approach, even though he was a soldier. Peace was what he fought for...but he could not understand not fighting when danger threatened.

[needsthumpin]

"My people were vastly outnumbered, our weapons not as powrful, our ships not as great, but we would have fought to the last...and been extinguished as a people, did not the son of the last warleader forsake seeking vengeance on his father's killers, but led us out instead, finding us a new home."

[proveto_myself]

"Where do you think the line between justice and vengeance lies, then?" He genuinely wanted to know--moral and ethical questions such as that often plagued him.