she doesn't quite know how to say how she feels [[ota, but tag to Wash]]

[bigdamnherosir]

There's too many conflicting feelings going on for Zoe to be comfortable. She doesn't like that someone else's fight came here though she'll participate. She'll protect what's hers and that's what she did. And she comes out of it mostly unscathed except for a cut on her shoulder that's all scabbed over now and likely won't even leave a scar

Comments

[likeswifesoup]

Wash was only a couple of minutes late coming home. He was tired - Maya waking up every couple of hours through the night would do that to you - but he was still happy.

Or at least he would be if he wasn't worried about Zoe. Ever since the weekend, she had been on edge, he could feel it, attuned as he was to Zoe's moods. He wanted to give her time to try to work through it, but mostly he wanted to help her relax. Not always the easiest thing with Zoe, especially if she closed down.

"Hey, honey, I'm home," he said in a lower voice than normal as he came through the door, spying Maya's bassinet. He bent over, looking at his sleeping daughter with a smile.

[bigdamnherosir]

Zoe relaxes a little soon as she hears his voice, but that's only part of her tension.

"How's the store look?" She has no idea how much damage, if any, there'd been. She moves on to the next gun, pulling it apart expertly.

[likeswifesoup]

"It's fine. Not much damage, one window got blown out, things got thrown around, but it's all tidied up," Wash said, coming over, pausing as he sees what she is doing, but moves over and kisses the top of his head. "How're you?" That was a double-edged question, if he was being honest, seeing Zoe with her guns out over the kitchen table. "She's a bit young to start shootin' yet," he said lightly.

[bigdamnherosir]

That gets a flicker of a smile out of Zoe, and she offers him the class of alcohol, since she'll never finish it on her own.

"Figure I ain't cleaned 'em for a while. Can't get lazy, apparently, just 'cause there's not a job to run."

[likeswifesoup]

He takes it, sniffing it, and takes a small sip. Truth be told, he hasn't drunk much lately. Most of his drinking would come when they docked somewhere.

He sat down beside her, sitting silently, but he can't sit still, and bounces slightly in his seat.

[bigdamnherosir]

"Wash," Zoe says after a beat. She's methodical, only moving where she needs to and when she needs to. She's still too on edge for anything else. But her voice is calm and controlled when she speaks.. "A mite excited this evenin'."

[likeswifesoup]

"Too much energy," Wash admitted with a grin. "And a mite too much coffee, maybe." Easy access to coffee was possibly a bad idea.

[bigdamnherosir]

Another flicker of a smile, but Zoe goes quiet, her motions rhythmic and precise. When her main gun is clean she puts it aside. She feels bottled up, like she's waiting for something to release the pressure, and occupying herself cleaning guns isn't helping.

Taking a sip of the booze, she lets out a breath, knowing that she has to say something eventually. She just doesn't know what it is.

[likeswifesoup]

Wash watches her take a sip of the booze, frowning. "Should you be drinking?" he asked gently. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen her like this - well, if he thought about it, he could. Way back before they'd entered the bliss of marriage. Before they'd shared everything.

[bigdamnherosir]

"Ain't drinkin' too much," she says, and case in point, gets up to dump the rest in the sink, mentally seeing Mal's face and his near whimper at practically good booze going down the drain.

"Just in case, there's two bottles in the fridge." She knows a few sips won't do anything to her milk, but she can't take a chance, no matter what the books say.

"You got so much energy, maybe you won't mind gettin' up with her tonight."

[likeswifesoup]

Wash stilled instantly as she threw the booze away. He wasn't a great drinker, but seeing anything go to waste went against the grain.

"No, I don't mind," and he didn't, not really, but there was something else going on that he couldn't figure. Zoe's mind could be a twisted place, with weird cul-de-sacs, and he could find himself suddenly blamed for something he didn't know he'd done. This had him wary. And the mood she was in, he wondered what he'd done. Or what was going on.

[bigdamnherosir]

Maya fusses a little, and Zoe goes to her, her entire demeanor softening for the few moments she spends with a hand on the baby's stomach, soothing her softly in Chinese and bringing her pacifier back to her lips.

But when the baby is quiet and Zoe goes back to the table, she's blank again, putting her guns away, safety on, for each of them.

"We outta look into a gun safe," she says, even though it'll be awhile before Maya's mobile enough, she figures they need to get it now. "Put it in our closet."

[likeswifesoup]

"Try at the shootin' range," Wash suggested. "They're bound to have something, or know where." Because a gun safe was definitely a better idea than what they had now.

But Zoe's demeanor was confusing him. She appeared outwardly fine, as evidenced by her reaction to Maya's fussing, but there was something off. And he wanted to try and figure it out before he outright asked her.

[bigdamnherosir]

Zoe's about to say something else when a door slams next door and she can't help it or stop it when she stands quickly, reflexively. But when she realizes it was just someone being loud she relaxes a little, and without looking at Wash sits right back down slowly, going back to what she was doing.

[likeswifesoup]

Wash watched her, wide eyed. He recognized her reactions - she used to get them a lot back in the days before she opened up to him, let him in, let him understand a little of what she'd gone through. It's partly why he hated the war stories she and Mal told, because they put her right back to a time when she was like that.

He put his hand over hers gently, so as not to startle her. "Zoe?" he asked gently.

[bigdamnherosir]

Her hands still again, and she tries to figure it out, how to say it.

Because the truth is, she thought they'd fight. That she'd get to take out her frustration on him, and that ain't happening now. Now, she just has to talk.

"Nightmares are back. Worse. Like before we got married."