Ignore me while I mope
Can somebody please explain to me why you can do everything in the world and more for someone, especially family and close friends, and they have the audacity to demand more from you; tell you that you've not done it well enough?
I don't understand people, and I suppose, in a general sense, I never have, and probably never will no matter how very hard I try. Most people would rather shove you in a hole than to help you step over it, while they expect you to bodily throw yourself over that very hole for them. I've accepted that. People are cruel; in the truest sense of the word, they are cruel. Yet it seems to me that those who are dearest to our hearts, who we hold to higher standards, are the worst of all. They won't wait for you to cover the hole. They'll shove you down and then step on you in the very way that causes you the most pain. And why? Because they know you'll forgive them their trangressions readily because you love them? And why do we do that? Love is a powerful thing, yes, but why do we let it influence us so very much that it rubs us raw and eventually becomes nothing but bitterness we make excuses for, like a dark cloud hanging heavy and dangerous over our heads?
And then after years when you've finally decided enough is enough, you can't take it anymore -- you cut those thin, frayed ties you've held on to for so long. But it's your fault, not theirs; never theirs. They deny ever doing anything wrong, or very, very little, and they just don't understand why you're acting the way you are, what's happened to you to make you into such an uncaring, horrible person.
These are the people you're supposed to be able to count on for anything; talk to about everything, but they're so wrapped up in their own selfish, pathetic lives that they don't even really know who you are! They never bother to ask anything of real importance, and on the rare occasion that you do manage to voice something that's important to you, something close to your heart that you truly love or believe in, they scoff, roll their eyes, and wave it off as though it's too inconsequential to even bother with. And how else is that supposed to make you feel other than that you're too inconsequential to bother with as well?
Sometimes...I just wish I could run away from my own life and almost everyone in it.
Pity party over, I promise.
I don't understand people, and I suppose, in a general sense, I never have, and probably never will no matter how very hard I try. Most people would rather shove you in a hole than to help you step over it, while they expect you to bodily throw yourself over that very hole for them. I've accepted that. People are cruel; in the truest sense of the word, they are cruel. Yet it seems to me that those who are dearest to our hearts, who we hold to higher standards, are the worst of all. They won't wait for you to cover the hole. They'll shove you down and then step on you in the very way that causes you the most pain. And why? Because they know you'll forgive them their trangressions readily because you love them? And why do we do that? Love is a powerful thing, yes, but why do we let it influence us so very much that it rubs us raw and eventually becomes nothing but bitterness we make excuses for, like a dark cloud hanging heavy and dangerous over our heads?
And then after years when you've finally decided enough is enough, you can't take it anymore -- you cut those thin, frayed ties you've held on to for so long. But it's your fault, not theirs; never theirs. They deny ever doing anything wrong, or very, very little, and they just don't understand why you're acting the way you are, what's happened to you to make you into such an uncaring, horrible person.
These are the people you're supposed to be able to count on for anything; talk to about everything, but they're so wrapped up in their own selfish, pathetic lives that they don't even really know who you are! They never bother to ask anything of real importance, and on the rare occasion that you do manage to voice something that's important to you, something close to your heart that you truly love or believe in, they scoff, roll their eyes, and wave it off as though it's too inconsequential to even bother with. And how else is that supposed to make you feel other than that you're too inconsequential to bother with as well?
Sometimes...I just wish I could run away from my own life and almost everyone in it.
Pity party over, I promise.