(no subject)
Im really bad at giving advice and helping people. its hard for me to really relate and care to what theyre going through, i like to see everyone happy but when things go wrong its hard for me even try to fix them. i dont know where or when to start. when people are extremely upset they usally want to be left alone. at least i know i do. i dont want anyone to bother me. i just want to cry it out alone. and then comes the time where you want someone just so you can cry to them. and then thats when you start to rebuild i suppose. its hard to predict exactly how long each of these stages will last and when they will begin and when they will end. Its hard for me to understand people's thoughts. im so intolerant i just get frustrated and have to walk away. and when they dont want to talk i kind of get insulted.
anyway i never imagined this happening. and this scares me so fucking much. the day when the person you love so fucking much just leaves. theyre reason being that they dont have feelings for you anymore....just all of the sudden. Its the worst feeling in the world. This didnt recently happen to me but it has and i know how horrible it feels. But it just happened too carly and i wish there was something i could do for her. and i wish i could help her and just make her ok again but its not that easy. not at all. its one of the hardest things that you can ever do in your life. its so sad, to think you wasted two whole years of your life on something you thought would last forever but ends so much sooner then you ever thought possible. just when you think nothing can break you down and your love for each other is unstoppable and invincible it all goes to pieces. its something and then in the blink of an eye its nothing at all. what a horrible feeling jsut thinking of it makes me feel like shit.
i dont know what i'd do if this happened to me now. i got my palm read at the boardwalk and i know everyone probably thinks its a bunch of bullshit but i kinda want to believe it all.... she told me so many things. that i have met the person im supposed to be with for the rest of my life. and we will be living together very shortly. and soon enough within the next six years i will have fortune and fame and work in fashion and magazines. she said i'd be engaged by 22 married by 23 have three kids with the man i love and they will look just like him and one of them will look like me. i dont want people to tell me we aren't meant for each other because they dont know how this feels. its ok to be dysfunctional. not all of the time. but some of the time. its o k to fight not everyone is perfect. but i just wish he never made me cry cause i hate crying over him. its one of the worst feelings. i hate fighting with him as well. it makes me so stressed out and i just do nothing but think of him and whats going to happen and when it will be fixed. i hate knowing he is mad at me. and that i've done something wrong. and i hate when he does something wrong. I just HATE WHEN THINGS GO FUCKING WRONG. things never go as planned so i guess preparing for the worst is your best bet. but its hard to see what bad things may come when you have so much fucking good clouding you eyes and your thoughts. Times change. I know how hard it is. To let go, to forgive, to forget....
im too fucking nice sometimes. i need to be mature. i'm such a fucking baby. oh my god am i a baby. i cry for everything but i don't see a problem with it. everyone else does though. i need to grow up. and we both need to grow up.
im not smart and i wihs every one would stop telling me i am. i'm stupid and i do stupid things. i have no one to talk to.
im getting older. im getting older. time is going so fucking fast.
anyway i never imagined this happening. and this scares me so fucking much. the day when the person you love so fucking much just leaves. theyre reason being that they dont have feelings for you anymore....just all of the sudden. Its the worst feeling in the world. This didnt recently happen to me but it has and i know how horrible it feels. But it just happened too carly and i wish there was something i could do for her. and i wish i could help her and just make her ok again but its not that easy. not at all. its one of the hardest things that you can ever do in your life. its so sad, to think you wasted two whole years of your life on something you thought would last forever but ends so much sooner then you ever thought possible. just when you think nothing can break you down and your love for each other is unstoppable and invincible it all goes to pieces. its something and then in the blink of an eye its nothing at all. what a horrible feeling jsut thinking of it makes me feel like shit.
i dont know what i'd do if this happened to me now. i got my palm read at the boardwalk and i know everyone probably thinks its a bunch of bullshit but i kinda want to believe it all.... she told me so many things. that i have met the person im supposed to be with for the rest of my life. and we will be living together very shortly. and soon enough within the next six years i will have fortune and fame and work in fashion and magazines. she said i'd be engaged by 22 married by 23 have three kids with the man i love and they will look just like him and one of them will look like me. i dont want people to tell me we aren't meant for each other because they dont know how this feels. its ok to be dysfunctional. not all of the time. but some of the time. its o k to fight not everyone is perfect. but i just wish he never made me cry cause i hate crying over him. its one of the worst feelings. i hate fighting with him as well. it makes me so stressed out and i just do nothing but think of him and whats going to happen and when it will be fixed. i hate knowing he is mad at me. and that i've done something wrong. and i hate when he does something wrong. I just HATE WHEN THINGS GO FUCKING WRONG. things never go as planned so i guess preparing for the worst is your best bet. but its hard to see what bad things may come when you have so much fucking good clouding you eyes and your thoughts. Times change. I know how hard it is. To let go, to forgive, to forget....
im too fucking nice sometimes. i need to be mature. i'm such a fucking baby. oh my god am i a baby. i cry for everything but i don't see a problem with it. everyone else does though. i need to grow up. and we both need to grow up.
im not smart and i wihs every one would stop telling me i am. i'm stupid and i do stupid things. i have no one to talk to.
im getting older. im getting older. time is going so fucking fast.