i feel so betrayed...

[hearmerawr]

...so, im supposed to be spending the weekend at my "best friends" house. i find some interesting conversations. and now, my feelings are deeply hurt. apparently, im not on this friends good list, and that bothers me. i have known her for so many years. but then again, she was always the better one. she stayed in school. she doesnt date guys. she kept her focus, and i didnt. she always was the better of the two of us. she always made better grades, had better parents, had more money. i've always felt so low compared to her, and now, i suppose i finally get my proof. she was the only person i fully and completely trusted, and now, i dont trust anyone. i cant. im sick of being hurt by the people i care most about. i need to leave this place, and get away. i need out. i cant leave. i cant leave him. she says im boy crazy, and honestly i believe she doesnt believe i will ever amount to anything. hell, maybe she's right. maybe i wont ever become anything. i honestly dont know what to do right now. i have to goto work in an hour, and i just feel like shit. she has been my best friend for 14 fucking years... all... for nothing. i wont do it anymore. i wont be friends with someone who is two faced. i wont smile into the eyes of hatred. i cant.

i cant stand my life and what it has become. i have two good points, new school, and chris. i sware, once i graduate, im gone. im going to blow this place, and leave, and go as far away as fucking possible. i dont give a fuck what it takes. im gone.