jesus christ
i hit another mailbox today, and i completely hate myself. it gave my mom and dad another reason to nag me and tell me how crappy i am and not make it okay when i'm balling my eyes out, and all my mom says is you'll take shitty pictures if you keep crying because i had my senior pictures today. it just gives them another reason to be mad at me like they always are. i seriously hate myself. i cant do anything right apparently, not even drive a fricken car. and my car is so shitty its not even funny, it breaks every week or i hit something. i cant ever go two weeks without something happening to it, and my parents spend so much money on it that we dont have and its my fault and i cant take it i just dont want to think about it anymore and i dont want to stress over it anymore and i just want to prove to them that i AM responsible and that im not just some fucking brat who doesnt know how to do anything because thats what they see me as. my mom makes me so fricken mad she doesnt trust me with anything, and she even gets mad when i ask her for lunch money and she doesnt care when she says she doesnt have any and i cant eat. she like loves it when she has no money. i seriously cant take anymore weight. i just want to let go. i just want to be loved.