Favourite Fanfic Quote Ever
"Um, that, Professor, would be five live billywigs."
"Potter, I believe I know the difference between dead and alive. It comes in handy in my line of work, I assure you, and this billywig," Snape picked up the slightly mangled corpse of the little blue insect and said, "is most certainly dead."
Snape watched as Harry's face paled and he shifted from one foot to the next. Then suddenly a small, almost undetectable grin graced Harry's features. It appeared more in his eyes than on his mouth but as Snape had been watching both, he'd caught it.
He was unprepared when Harry said, "No, no he's, ah.... he's resting."
Snape cocked an eyebrow at words that seemed so familiar to him and looked down at the billywig in his hands. He prodded it a bit with his wand and mentally declared it to be most certainly dead when he suddenly recalled where he'd heard Harry's words before.
Oh, surely not.
"Resting, is he?" Snape asked.
"Yeah, he's resting. Remarkable insect, the billywig. Wonderful stingers!" Harry said, almost joyfully but with a look of great hesitation on his face.
Snape stifled a laugh. He could hardly believe the conversation he was now engaged in but trudged along all the same, eager to see how far this would go.
"The stingers don't enter into it. It's stone-dead, Potter!"
Harry's eyes lit up at Snape's response. "No, no, he's resting!"
"All right then, if he's resting, I'll wake him up." With that Snape cupped his hand around the dead billywig and called into his hand, "Hello, Mr. Billywig! I've some lovely blades of grass for you if you wake up, Mr. Billywig."
Harry stretched out his hand and flicked the dead billywig in Snape's palm with his finger. "There, he moved!"
"No, he didn't. That was you pushing him!" Snape said, with feigned indignation.
"I never!" Harry said, his face red with the effort of withholding his laughter.
"Yes, you did, I just saw you!"
"No, I never..."
"Hello, Billywig! Wake up, Mr. Billywig!" Snape cried through his fingers as he began to shake poor creatures in his cupped hand.
"Now that is what I call a dead billywig," Snape said with an amused smirk.
"No, he's stunned... You... you stunned him," Harry was now openly laughing, his arms gripped around his stomach, trying to keep himself standing. His breath was coming out in pants and Snape could barely make out what he was saying.
"Look, Potter. the only reason this billywig isn't falling to the floor is because I'm holding him."
"Well, of course you're holding him, Snape. If you weren't, he'd just..." Harry tried to make a motion with his hands to indicate a sharp flying movement but failed when he started laughing again.
"Look, Potter, this billywig wouldn't take off if you put four thousand volts through it. It's woefully demised!"
"No, Snape...." Harry was gasping for air now. "It's pining."
Snape lifted an eyebrow and went in for the kill. "It's not pining, it's passed on. This billywig is no more. It has ceased to be! It's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late billywig. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If I hadn't taken it into my hand he would be pushing up the daises! Its metabolical processes are of interest only to historians! It's hopped the twig. It's shuffled off this mortal coil. It's run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible! This... is an ex-billywig!"
From "Pains and Contradictions", by atypicalsnowman
"Potter, I believe I know the difference between dead and alive. It comes in handy in my line of work, I assure you, and this billywig," Snape picked up the slightly mangled corpse of the little blue insect and said, "is most certainly dead."
Snape watched as Harry's face paled and he shifted from one foot to the next. Then suddenly a small, almost undetectable grin graced Harry's features. It appeared more in his eyes than on his mouth but as Snape had been watching both, he'd caught it.
He was unprepared when Harry said, "No, no he's, ah.... he's resting."
Snape cocked an eyebrow at words that seemed so familiar to him and looked down at the billywig in his hands. He prodded it a bit with his wand and mentally declared it to be most certainly dead when he suddenly recalled where he'd heard Harry's words before.
Oh, surely not.
"Resting, is he?" Snape asked.
"Yeah, he's resting. Remarkable insect, the billywig. Wonderful stingers!" Harry said, almost joyfully but with a look of great hesitation on his face.
Snape stifled a laugh. He could hardly believe the conversation he was now engaged in but trudged along all the same, eager to see how far this would go.
"The stingers don't enter into it. It's stone-dead, Potter!"
Harry's eyes lit up at Snape's response. "No, no, he's resting!"
"All right then, if he's resting, I'll wake him up." With that Snape cupped his hand around the dead billywig and called into his hand, "Hello, Mr. Billywig! I've some lovely blades of grass for you if you wake up, Mr. Billywig."
Harry stretched out his hand and flicked the dead billywig in Snape's palm with his finger. "There, he moved!"
"No, he didn't. That was you pushing him!" Snape said, with feigned indignation.
"I never!" Harry said, his face red with the effort of withholding his laughter.
"Yes, you did, I just saw you!"
"No, I never..."
"Hello, Billywig! Wake up, Mr. Billywig!" Snape cried through his fingers as he began to shake poor creatures in his cupped hand.
"Now that is what I call a dead billywig," Snape said with an amused smirk.
"No, he's stunned... You... you stunned him," Harry was now openly laughing, his arms gripped around his stomach, trying to keep himself standing. His breath was coming out in pants and Snape could barely make out what he was saying.
"Look, Potter. the only reason this billywig isn't falling to the floor is because I'm holding him."
"Well, of course you're holding him, Snape. If you weren't, he'd just..." Harry tried to make a motion with his hands to indicate a sharp flying movement but failed when he started laughing again.
"Look, Potter, this billywig wouldn't take off if you put four thousand volts through it. It's woefully demised!"
"No, Snape...." Harry was gasping for air now. "It's pining."
Snape lifted an eyebrow and went in for the kill. "It's not pining, it's passed on. This billywig is no more. It has ceased to be! It's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late billywig. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If I hadn't taken it into my hand he would be pushing up the daises! Its metabolical processes are of interest only to historians! It's hopped the twig. It's shuffled off this mortal coil. It's run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible! This... is an ex-billywig!"
From "Pains and Contradictions", by atypicalsnowman