Fave Quotes
Fave Quotes
(Most of these quotes are from Fanfics either on FanFiction.net or HPFandom.net and none of them belong to me)
"Albus," he began, each word spoken slowly. "Do you know what Harry keeps in his pocket? A note from me, promising not to kill him," he said dryly. "That is not the start of a healthy relationship."
From 'Death Eater Takes A Holiday' by Lee Lee Potter
"Holy Kleenex Batman! It was right under our noses, and we blew it!"
Robin, from Batman
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
Unknown
He felt as if he'd been shipwrecked on the Titanic but in the nick of time had been rescued. By the Lusitania.
Mort, by Terry Pratchett
'I'm not a criminal madman,' said Vimes.
'Never mind, you'll soon fit in,' said Lawn.
Night Watch, by Terry Pratchett
Each girl was collecting money as they passed out bundles of pastries and sheets of paper. The booth itself was decorated with a moving picture of the Dark Mark, and sign advertising ‘COME TO THE DARK SIDE - WE HAVE COOKIES! Donations required.’
Dean looked at the sign. “Shouldn’t it say that donations are welcome?”
“No.” Pansy glared at the Hufflepuff in front of her until he shoved the sickle back in his pocket and pulled out a Galleon to donate instead. She smirked as he ran off before turning back to the Gryffindors. “No benefactor will take you seriously if you can’t put your money where your mouth is."
Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts, by Roozette
Former Death Eater and businesswizard, Richard Moon publicly declared himself a Dark Lord. The new Dark Lord has declared war on “greasy little gits that can’t keep their eyes or hands to themselves”. The new Dark Lord has a surprising number of open followers from all walks of life. Pureblood, half-blood, Muggle-born and Muggle all seem welcome by the new Lord Moon. The only thing they seem to have in common is all are fathers of witches currently enrolled at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
When pressed for comment on the new Dark Lord’s agenda, Minister (and father) Rufus Scrimgeour shrugged and said, “I’m okay with that.”
Known Light supporter Arthur Weasley was amongst the first to declare for the new Dark Lord.
The Lust of Harry Potter, by DobbyElfLord
“We will take turns coming up with something Potter might do, or that someone might say he did, and then Potter will have to come up with the title of an article on that topic, as it would be written by Rita Skeeter.”
Theodore Nott smirked. “Potter gets resorted into Hufflepuff!”
Harry looked at the members of said house apologetically. “Merlin! We’re All Doomed! Potter a Hufflepuff!” The three other houses burst into laughter and snickered at the red faces of their friends.
Your Headline News, by Kamerreon
“So… you want to become a main character?” Voldemort drawled.
“Yes, my Lord. We are tired of hiding in the shadows. We want to have a bigger part. It doesn’t have to be a main character… but please at least a side character… a few pages every now and then?” Tracey pleaded, desperate to find a purpose in life.
“Crucio!” Voldemort spat before she could continue her pointless rant. “How dare you ask me such a thing? I am Lord-Voldemort-The-One-Destined-To-Try-And-Kill-The-Protagonist-But-Fail-Every-Time! I am destined for greatness… oh wait, that was what the sorting hat said to Potter. Shit! What page are we on?” Voldemort queried.
A Cunt Plus A Cunt Equals No Cocks!, by Twinfetish
Harry laughed mirthlessly, "So far Hermione had a heart attack when she saw the linens and found out that they were eggshell instead of cream and it took Angelina and Alicia twenty minutes to calm her down. Your mother keeps hugging everyone and bursting into tears randomly. Parker and Annabelle found the fairies that are supposed to light up the ceremony and some how managed to set them free in the attic. Bill and Percy went to go catch them all since they are their kids, but then baby Peyton decided he doesn’t like teething about the same time that Fleur got morning sickness and since Penelope is managing the floral arrangements, Percy had to take care of Peyton and Bill went to take care of his wife. So Charlie was delegated to fairy catching, which judging from the crashes that keep coming from the attic, is not as easy as dragon taming. Fred and George keep humming the funeral march every time Ron enters the room that they are in, much to their wives and your mother’s displeasure, and he keeps getting paler every time they do it and I’m afraid if they keep it up, he is going to pass out long before the ceremony starts."
"Is that all?" Ginny asked sarcastically.
"Oh and no one has seen your Dad all morning, which is not a good sign with all the Muggle stuff that Hermione had brought in for the wedding. But yeah that’s all that has happened since I got here."
"How long have you been here?"
Harry glanced at his watch. "Oh, almost half an hour."
Life Happens, by ColorOfAngels
Book of Jayne, Number B.
It is official. Harry’s a freak. If eerie-ass was in the dictionary, it’d have a picture of Harry. But it’s not. I checked. Twice. Course, as freaks go, Harry’s about the coolest one I’ve ever heard of. I didn’t think anyone would top River on the freak-o-meter. But it ain’t even close. Least he’s got most of marbles still. He’s even helped River find a few of hers that'd gone out for a walk and gotten lost.
Floating in air is pretty fun. But it gives you gas. I guess nothin’s free. Inara’s the hottest bright blue chick I ever seen. Made her look like some kind of sexy alien.
Poor Harry looked sadder than I’ve ever seen him tonight. Course, waking up, and your entire way of life disappearing will do that to a fella. Not counting that it sounds like he’s not gotten laid in 400 years. That’s just plumb unhealthy.
Browncoat, Green Eyes, by nonjon
“Harry,” Hermione sighed, “sent Voldemort a letter explaining to him that trying to conquer the world with an army of flying monkeys is not an appropriate career choice. Then,” her voice rose to an angry shriek, “then he charmed the parchment to spray out a blast of water while the sound of a woman shrieking ‘I’m melting, I’m melting, curse you!’ plays in the background.”
Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts, by Roozette
“Vodka is good,” Draco sighed happily. “I think I’ll name my first child Vodka. Or maybe Bacardi. Those are good names. Cosmo would be a sweet nickname too.”
Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts, by Roozette
"Dumbledore may be amazingly dense and slightly oblivious, but he is far from evil. The man practically shits sunshine.”
Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts, by Roozette
“Your son is up to something,”
“Why is he always my son when he's being sneaky?”
Gypsy Caravan, by
18) When Hermione is having a Hormone, do not anger her. Do not speak to her, do not breathe in her direction.
19) If rule #18 is somehow broken, hide. Do not come out again until the beast is calmed.
20) Consider developing some kind of secret war bunker in which to hide during aftermath of rule #19, due to the frequency of this happening.
50 Things To Remember When My Wife Is Pregnant, by dogstar-ebony
"Reanne there are seven stages to a Morreno interrogation. Step 1; follow them. Step 2; hint subtly. Step 3; Ask for 'an honest answer' - which you will never get by the way. Step 4; Demand an answer. Step 5; Intimidate. Step 6; Seduce it out of them. Then there is Step 7...which only my mother has ever accomplished."
"Why?" Reanne asked, perking up, "What's Step 7?"
"Tell his wife about Step 6."
Ravenclaw Racketeers, by CrashMind
Hello, I’d like to speak to Voldemort.”
“I’m sorry, sir, the Dark Lord is currently on holiday for two weeks in the Bahamas.”
“What?! We’re supposed to have the final battle this weekend! That’s just bloody fantastic."
Would You Like To Leave A Message?, by shadowsamurai83
“I have figured out how you can fly without a broom!”
“And?” Voldemort asked.
“You just need to sprinkle on some pixie dust and think happy thoughts! See!” #1 handed him a book.
Voldemort read the page then flipped the book shut to see the cover.
Peter Pan.
“Great!” he said sarcastically. How #1 had graduated from Hogwarts, Voldemort didn’t know.
100 Ways (or '100 Ways to Annoy Voldemort Into Making Stupid Mistakes So Harry Can Finally Kill Him'), by know-it-all-bookworm
This looney-tune was the man who had defeated Voldemort? Maybe power didn’t corrupt- maybe it just made you mad. That explained Dumbledore. And Potter. And Snape, Conqueror-Of-Walls.
Not From The Stars Do I My Judgement Pluck, by Criminally Insane Hermit
“I’m still waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak. You know, the one that always lands on my head?”
Circular Reasoning, by swimdraconian
“Oh how very suave of you, Ollie. No really, if I was a chick, my knickers would be half-way across the room by now. Take me, you manly man you,”
Circular Reasoning, by swimdraconian
Much to the dismay of your father, I am employing Muggle methods. (My Father, of course, loved the insane idea until I told him he couldn’t come with me. Now he is threatening to disinherit me for such plebeian behaviour)
A Life of Lies, by NoctemEterna
“Your daddy saved a lot of lives with his magic,” Arthur butted in, “In fact he saved a world with it. He’s a hero, Rosie. Do you know what that means?”
“Someone who is a slow runner,” Rose nodded and there was an incredulous silence, followed by an explosion of laughter. Harry blushed, as it was obviously something that he’d told her long ago.
You're a Wizard, Harry, by shedoc
“What if she leaves you and decides that her other life is too important to risk exposure?”
Harry gave a small laugh and turned back to Draco. “I will go to Hogwarts, teach Potions, and watch my stag Patronus turn into a doe.”
Draco chuckled. “I know there’s an inside joke about Snape in there somewhere.”
Jolene, by romaine