"...say you werent fine."
my birthday made me realize how many friends i really have.
so...my 'boyfriend' promised me dinner. he even made his friend exchange cash for his check so he could have cash for my birthday and then...he went and blew it on alcohol the night before. which was fine...but then he didnt even come over so we could eat together. he came over much later and we did...nothing. until i cried (not because of him particularily but because of stress and someone wrote on my coat on the bus and ruined it and i missed my family and shit...anyway...) he offered to take me to get a cake or something to eat but it was like midnight and there was no where to go...plus i knew he felt obligated because of my crying. then ihad planned to out to a bar i used to love and i posted it on facebook and like 10 people replied with a yes and there were several maybes. i had soo much faith in everyone. i thought they would pull through because well...it was my birthday. 21. something special. but no one came. no one. and so i came home and went to bed.
im actually soo sick of this. i hate where i live. i hate ottawa. i hate my landlord. i hate that my roommates dog is so annoying and he leaves hair everywhere. he ruined my brand new fouton. most of all...i hate that i have NO where else to go.
so now i have two jobs and i can finally manage to pay my bills but i have no timeto myself. no time for my online courses. no time to sleep. no time. and so im mad stressed. the 'boyfriend' is back at school now and i wont see him at all because both of my jobs want me to work at night and he has class during the day. and the days where we have some spare time...he would rather be 'alone' or whatever his excuse is. and so it makes me wonder what the hell im doing here...
...and what happens when i have no answer.
then what.
so...my 'boyfriend' promised me dinner. he even made his friend exchange cash for his check so he could have cash for my birthday and then...he went and blew it on alcohol the night before. which was fine...but then he didnt even come over so we could eat together. he came over much later and we did...nothing. until i cried (not because of him particularily but because of stress and someone wrote on my coat on the bus and ruined it and i missed my family and shit...anyway...) he offered to take me to get a cake or something to eat but it was like midnight and there was no where to go...plus i knew he felt obligated because of my crying. then ihad planned to out to a bar i used to love and i posted it on facebook and like 10 people replied with a yes and there were several maybes. i had soo much faith in everyone. i thought they would pull through because well...it was my birthday. 21. something special. but no one came. no one. and so i came home and went to bed.
im actually soo sick of this. i hate where i live. i hate ottawa. i hate my landlord. i hate that my roommates dog is so annoying and he leaves hair everywhere. he ruined my brand new fouton. most of all...i hate that i have NO where else to go.
so now i have two jobs and i can finally manage to pay my bills but i have no timeto myself. no time for my online courses. no time to sleep. no time. and so im mad stressed. the 'boyfriend' is back at school now and i wont see him at all because both of my jobs want me to work at night and he has class during the day. and the days where we have some spare time...he would rather be 'alone' or whatever his excuse is. and so it makes me wonder what the hell im doing here...
...and what happens when i have no answer.
then what.