(no subject)
Geez i havent wrote in this thing in so long..and really the only reason im doing it right now is because im sitting at work with not a damn thing to do and alot of stuff on my mind..and everyone else is at work ACTUALLY doing something..so i figured why the hell not? so i dont know life was doing pretty well before katrina hit and i was lucky enough to get no damage and go back home but some people are still displaced and i have a few friends that have perm. moved away it really sucks..and it has done some weird shit to my relationship with people..im starting to doubt things..well no i lie..ive always doubted everything and i just cant get over that no matter how hard i try i cant let myself bel. that someone really cares about me..but why should i?..how do i know they mean it?..its this constand battle with man vs. self...thats like the theme of my life..i could just wirte a paper on that and fuck reading a book..ne way..i dont know my 18h birthday jsut passed and even though it wasnt everything i expected it was fun..from whut i remeber..the plans to go to BR didnt work out due to a few assholes i also totaled my car and linsey aka LINE BACKER decided to sell me out but hey w/e i found out who was really there for me..right?oo and i talked to a old friend who didnt decide to call me intil they heard about the car they figured theyd look like the nice guy and act like they care but it wasnt a good enough reason to call on m acutal birthday ah same on typical boy who thinks his life is doing a 180 but cant fool me ur still the same scadlous piece of shit u were a year ago..so really stop witht he act thanks.....so im still in this realtionship its been like 7 mths now..arent u guys proud?..well dont let the smiles fool you i still have all the same feelings and dont trust this kid more than ne other one..and prob never will and i catch myself trying to find every excuse i can to run from it..in fact im running right now..but somethings not letting me get to far..i think it might be becase ive seen things in this person that no one else sees..the big ego doesnt fool me ive seen whuts really inside there im trying to bring it out but its taking alot..im not a patient person and he requires alot of patience..thats that part of me that just gives to much and receives to little..it never fails i give everything i can to someone but i dont even get half in return so theni slomwy start letting myself slip away.. dont get me wrong im not perfect..but if i care about you...you will know it..and u wont have to have ur friends reassure u of it..ahh yea w/e welcome to my life..i have much more to say but its 4 so im outta here bithces !!