Jeremy
It's been a hell of a few days.
Sorry, this is going to be long, and I don't want to put it behind a cut.
It was 10:30 pm on Monday night. I was getting ready to push through an all-nighter to get a book done, when Randy came upstairs with my iPhone. "Joe is trying to reach you," he said. Why is Joe calling at 10:30 pm? Must be urgent. I called him back.
"Do you know what's going on with Jeremy and Kelly?" he asked. No, I didn't. I knew that Joe had been visiting someone in the hospital, but I didn't know who. He filled me in quickly that it was Jeremy he had been visiting, and that he and Kelly had deliberately chosen to be very private about Jeremy's health condition.
And then, in a tumble of words and tears, Joe said that Jeremy just passed away.
Jeremy. Jeremy who is 35, goofy, laid-back, always fun to hang out with, never a negative guy, and one-half of the Jeremy-and-Kelly dynamic duo. Jeremy of the creator-owned, all-ages book "Skyward." Jeremy who loves dogs and singing and friends and kids and videogames and comics and movies and just hanging out. Jeremy who was an actual, bona fide, decent Christian. Jeremy who had a studio just down the hall from me, and shared crappy meals and all-nighters. That Jeremy suddenly ceased to exist.
Joe asked us to come to the hospital. Randy got dressed and we headed there immediately. Joe met us downstairs, and the first thing I said was, "Joe, I don't understand this." Joe explained the health situation. We knew a couple of weeks ago that Jeremy had Con Crud, or some kind of bad cold or flu. Late last week he had weakness in his legs and was very dehydrated, so Joe insisted on taking him to the hospital. Tests didn't indicate anything shocking. He was recovering okay. Then suddenly, on Monday night, he couldn't breathe and was rushed to ICU, where he died of a massive coronary.
Joe told us all this while standing outside the hospital. Within minutes, Adam and Allison arrived. We all went upstairs together, and waited while Joe went to Jeremy's room to see if Kelly was ready for friends. The nurse said that Kelly had instructed to send us down to the room immediately.
We went to the room, walked past the curtain, and...this is the part that I did not expect...Jeremy's body was still in the room. I'll admit to being horrified that MY FRIEND WAS RIGHT THERE. Right there, not breathing, pale and weird and...deflated. Half-swallowed by the hospital gown and the bed. Tubes and things in his face. What the HELL. Wasn't there some rule with hospitals that they whisk the body away? Why is he still HERE?! It was all wrong. All wrong. I hate that this image is in my head.
Allison held a sobbing Kelly for a few minutes. Then Randy and I hugged Kelly, and I was dimly aware that Allison was whispering words over Jeremy's body. I don't remember what we said to Kelly or anything, but eventually she got a phone call from a family member, so Randy and I exited the room so she could have a little privacy. We congregated outside and talked quietly for a while in the hall.
After a little bit, Allison, Kelly and Meghan moved down the hall to an empty room, while the guys and I stood outside Jeremy's door and talked among ourselves about how we could raise money or do things to help Kelly out. Eventually, we all migrated to the room down the hall.
Kelly was in total shock, responding when spoken to, but clearly in a fog of "what the hell just happened". She was trying to get in touch with family members; meanwhile, we talked about nothingness and nonsense, telling silly stories to make everyone laugh. In fact, we got a bit too loud for the neighboring rooms and the nurse had to come tell us to keep it down. The nurses came in and gave Kelly some information on what to do next. None of us knew that step, so that was helpful.
At one point, she got a call from her parents, who were the last ones to be informed. It was hard sitting in that room listening to Kelly break the news to her mom. We could hear her mom crying over the phone. Kelly assured her that she was surrounded by friends, and she wouldn't be alone, and they would talk the next day. What a rock Kelly is. She defaulted to her business-voice and held it all together. I would've been a sobbing wet mess.
We were at the hospital for about three hours, and sorted out where Kelly and her dog Kirby would be for the next few days. Eventually Kelly said that she needed to sleep, so she went back to Jeremy's room to say her goodbyes again. Randy and I went in and had a final moment with Jeremy's body, and Randy had to remind me that this body lying in the bed wasn't Jeremy, this was a shell. I didn't know what to say to this shell. Words felt so inadequate.
We went back out to the hallway, and while others were taking their turns paying their respects, Randy held me tight and said, "I'm going to take care of myself. I'm going to get healthy because I don't want to put you through this." I thanked him over and over, because honestly, among our group of friends, I have really expected either Randy or Adam to be the first to go. But not for at least another decade. And it wasn't supposed to be a guy younger than us.
We eventually went home and I gave up on working that night. I needed sleep too.
Yesterday I worked for most of the day, then we went over to Adam & Allison's for coffee and food. It turned into a sort of Irish wake. Most of us got tipsy; a few got plain drunk, and we got to laughing SO HARD over ridiculous stories. We always laugh when we're together, but this was cathartic, braying, breathless laughter.
Kelly was more present in the discussion; she laughed with us and told embarrassing convention stories and shared in the silliness. When she needed a moment, she and someone would go out onto the back porch to discuss the serious things quietly, while the more lighthearted conversation (and alcohol) was studiously maintained around the dining room table. We each got a chance to spend a little time with Kelly. I held her hand and put my arm around her while she and Chris and Joe talked about the business of death -- talking to creditors, putting obituaries in papers, getting copies of death certificates. It was good that Chris was there, because he's the only one of us who has dealt directly with the death of a loved one, and the aftermath. He had a lot of insight that none of us had even thought about.
But mostly we laughed like hyenas until we couldn't breathe and tears streamed down our faces.
Randy and I got home around 11 pm last night. Again, the plan was for me to get back to work, but again it didn't happen. Neither did sleep. I lay awake, with a cat snoring in my ear and another one demanding attention, and my back (which I tweaked the other day) screaming at me. At 4 am I got up and went downstairs and played an iPad game for a while, then read a couple chapters of "The Road Less Traveled". It was about 5:30 am when I had to decide between going to the gym to join a group class, or going back to bed. I chose the latter, completely ignored the alarm clock, and slept in until 9:30.
And now I'm back at work. Now I think I can handle just sitting here and working until the work is done. Allison and Meghan are with Kelly, sorting out funeral arrangements. That's today's plan. We'll probably get back together again tonight to touch base and probably laugh more. If I get enough work done, I might throw together a couple of pans of lasagna to feed the crowd. Or maybe that'll be tomorrow's plan. I don't know. I want to help. I feel like I'm not doing enough; I'm just...there. But maybe that IS enough. For now.
As if this wasn't enough...Kelly just lost her job on Thursday, and she has to be out of her apartment at the end of the month. Talk about massive suckage! She just got this job, and was excelling at it, but they let her go after 90 days. On top of THAT, she and Jeremy's lease was up and they were looking for a new place to live. She has to be out of her apartment by the end of November. So...no home, no job, and now, no husband. I can't even wrap my brain around it.
Randy and I discussed it, and we offered our house to Kelly if she needs a place to live bills-free for a while. We've got the room. We've got the yard for Kirby. She can have the guest bedroom, or we can clear out the whole downstairs, and she can take Randy's office and the den as her and Kirby's space. We are totally prepared to have her live with us for as long as she needs. Will the cats and Kirby get along? We'll deal with it somehow.
Meanwhile, a gofundme campaign was set up immediately, and it's already raised close to $10,000 to help Kelly with hospital bills and such. The outpouring of love and sympathy from the comics community has been overwhelming. So many people have been posting photos of Jeremy on FB that it's really helping to scrub that final image out of my head. But it's also hard to see him so alive and funny (he had a knack for photobombing and making hilarious faces in every photo), over and over and over. So I'm avoiding Facebook for now.
I'm also nursing a headache. Don't know if it was the booze or the raucous laughter, but it's okay. I don't resent a headache caused by too much laughter.
There are many more friends of Jeremy and Kelly's in the Atlanta area, but they all have kids and jobs, and we haven't gotten together yet. I really hope that, even if the funeral isn't this weekend, maybe we can at least gather for an impromptu memorial with the gang.
Suddenly all my navel-gazing about how hard life is, is put into sharp focus. Screw my personal BS. It's all nonsense. This -- this is real, and it sucks, and it's a huge blow, and nothing else matters but helping Kelly.
Sorry, this is going to be long, and I don't want to put it behind a cut.
It was 10:30 pm on Monday night. I was getting ready to push through an all-nighter to get a book done, when Randy came upstairs with my iPhone. "Joe is trying to reach you," he said. Why is Joe calling at 10:30 pm? Must be urgent. I called him back.
"Do you know what's going on with Jeremy and Kelly?" he asked. No, I didn't. I knew that Joe had been visiting someone in the hospital, but I didn't know who. He filled me in quickly that it was Jeremy he had been visiting, and that he and Kelly had deliberately chosen to be very private about Jeremy's health condition.
And then, in a tumble of words and tears, Joe said that Jeremy just passed away.
Jeremy. Jeremy who is 35, goofy, laid-back, always fun to hang out with, never a negative guy, and one-half of the Jeremy-and-Kelly dynamic duo. Jeremy of the creator-owned, all-ages book "Skyward." Jeremy who loves dogs and singing and friends and kids and videogames and comics and movies and just hanging out. Jeremy who was an actual, bona fide, decent Christian. Jeremy who had a studio just down the hall from me, and shared crappy meals and all-nighters. That Jeremy suddenly ceased to exist.
Joe asked us to come to the hospital. Randy got dressed and we headed there immediately. Joe met us downstairs, and the first thing I said was, "Joe, I don't understand this." Joe explained the health situation. We knew a couple of weeks ago that Jeremy had Con Crud, or some kind of bad cold or flu. Late last week he had weakness in his legs and was very dehydrated, so Joe insisted on taking him to the hospital. Tests didn't indicate anything shocking. He was recovering okay. Then suddenly, on Monday night, he couldn't breathe and was rushed to ICU, where he died of a massive coronary.
Joe told us all this while standing outside the hospital. Within minutes, Adam and Allison arrived. We all went upstairs together, and waited while Joe went to Jeremy's room to see if Kelly was ready for friends. The nurse said that Kelly had instructed to send us down to the room immediately.
We went to the room, walked past the curtain, and...this is the part that I did not expect...Jeremy's body was still in the room. I'll admit to being horrified that MY FRIEND WAS RIGHT THERE. Right there, not breathing, pale and weird and...deflated. Half-swallowed by the hospital gown and the bed. Tubes and things in his face. What the HELL. Wasn't there some rule with hospitals that they whisk the body away? Why is he still HERE?! It was all wrong. All wrong. I hate that this image is in my head.
Allison held a sobbing Kelly for a few minutes. Then Randy and I hugged Kelly, and I was dimly aware that Allison was whispering words over Jeremy's body. I don't remember what we said to Kelly or anything, but eventually she got a phone call from a family member, so Randy and I exited the room so she could have a little privacy. We congregated outside and talked quietly for a while in the hall.
After a little bit, Allison, Kelly and Meghan moved down the hall to an empty room, while the guys and I stood outside Jeremy's door and talked among ourselves about how we could raise money or do things to help Kelly out. Eventually, we all migrated to the room down the hall.
Kelly was in total shock, responding when spoken to, but clearly in a fog of "what the hell just happened". She was trying to get in touch with family members; meanwhile, we talked about nothingness and nonsense, telling silly stories to make everyone laugh. In fact, we got a bit too loud for the neighboring rooms and the nurse had to come tell us to keep it down. The nurses came in and gave Kelly some information on what to do next. None of us knew that step, so that was helpful.
At one point, she got a call from her parents, who were the last ones to be informed. It was hard sitting in that room listening to Kelly break the news to her mom. We could hear her mom crying over the phone. Kelly assured her that she was surrounded by friends, and she wouldn't be alone, and they would talk the next day. What a rock Kelly is. She defaulted to her business-voice and held it all together. I would've been a sobbing wet mess.
We were at the hospital for about three hours, and sorted out where Kelly and her dog Kirby would be for the next few days. Eventually Kelly said that she needed to sleep, so she went back to Jeremy's room to say her goodbyes again. Randy and I went in and had a final moment with Jeremy's body, and Randy had to remind me that this body lying in the bed wasn't Jeremy, this was a shell. I didn't know what to say to this shell. Words felt so inadequate.
We went back out to the hallway, and while others were taking their turns paying their respects, Randy held me tight and said, "I'm going to take care of myself. I'm going to get healthy because I don't want to put you through this." I thanked him over and over, because honestly, among our group of friends, I have really expected either Randy or Adam to be the first to go. But not for at least another decade. And it wasn't supposed to be a guy younger than us.
We eventually went home and I gave up on working that night. I needed sleep too.
Yesterday I worked for most of the day, then we went over to Adam & Allison's for coffee and food. It turned into a sort of Irish wake. Most of us got tipsy; a few got plain drunk, and we got to laughing SO HARD over ridiculous stories. We always laugh when we're together, but this was cathartic, braying, breathless laughter.
Kelly was more present in the discussion; she laughed with us and told embarrassing convention stories and shared in the silliness. When she needed a moment, she and someone would go out onto the back porch to discuss the serious things quietly, while the more lighthearted conversation (and alcohol) was studiously maintained around the dining room table. We each got a chance to spend a little time with Kelly. I held her hand and put my arm around her while she and Chris and Joe talked about the business of death -- talking to creditors, putting obituaries in papers, getting copies of death certificates. It was good that Chris was there, because he's the only one of us who has dealt directly with the death of a loved one, and the aftermath. He had a lot of insight that none of us had even thought about.
But mostly we laughed like hyenas until we couldn't breathe and tears streamed down our faces.
Randy and I got home around 11 pm last night. Again, the plan was for me to get back to work, but again it didn't happen. Neither did sleep. I lay awake, with a cat snoring in my ear and another one demanding attention, and my back (which I tweaked the other day) screaming at me. At 4 am I got up and went downstairs and played an iPad game for a while, then read a couple chapters of "The Road Less Traveled". It was about 5:30 am when I had to decide between going to the gym to join a group class, or going back to bed. I chose the latter, completely ignored the alarm clock, and slept in until 9:30.
And now I'm back at work. Now I think I can handle just sitting here and working until the work is done. Allison and Meghan are with Kelly, sorting out funeral arrangements. That's today's plan. We'll probably get back together again tonight to touch base and probably laugh more. If I get enough work done, I might throw together a couple of pans of lasagna to feed the crowd. Or maybe that'll be tomorrow's plan. I don't know. I want to help. I feel like I'm not doing enough; I'm just...there. But maybe that IS enough. For now.
As if this wasn't enough...Kelly just lost her job on Thursday, and she has to be out of her apartment at the end of the month. Talk about massive suckage! She just got this job, and was excelling at it, but they let her go after 90 days. On top of THAT, she and Jeremy's lease was up and they were looking for a new place to live. She has to be out of her apartment by the end of November. So...no home, no job, and now, no husband. I can't even wrap my brain around it.
Randy and I discussed it, and we offered our house to Kelly if she needs a place to live bills-free for a while. We've got the room. We've got the yard for Kirby. She can have the guest bedroom, or we can clear out the whole downstairs, and she can take Randy's office and the den as her and Kirby's space. We are totally prepared to have her live with us for as long as she needs. Will the cats and Kirby get along? We'll deal with it somehow.
Meanwhile, a gofundme campaign was set up immediately, and it's already raised close to $10,000 to help Kelly with hospital bills and such. The outpouring of love and sympathy from the comics community has been overwhelming. So many people have been posting photos of Jeremy on FB that it's really helping to scrub that final image out of my head. But it's also hard to see him so alive and funny (he had a knack for photobombing and making hilarious faces in every photo), over and over and over. So I'm avoiding Facebook for now.
I'm also nursing a headache. Don't know if it was the booze or the raucous laughter, but it's okay. I don't resent a headache caused by too much laughter.
There are many more friends of Jeremy and Kelly's in the Atlanta area, but they all have kids and jobs, and we haven't gotten together yet. I really hope that, even if the funeral isn't this weekend, maybe we can at least gather for an impromptu memorial with the gang.
Suddenly all my navel-gazing about how hard life is, is put into sharp focus. Screw my personal BS. It's all nonsense. This -- this is real, and it sucks, and it's a huge blow, and nothing else matters but helping Kelly.