food for food, and possibly thought
interesting, between comandeering a random acquaintences compy, and rolling a giant ball of crap nearly 240 meters in diameter in Katamari Damacy, quite possibly one of the greatest japanese games EVER, I realized, I've changed considerably since the little guy w/ no social life dweeling infront of the comforting green glow of a moniter every free moment of his life...or at least a little bit. I stopped to think, lately I've been rather bitter, just a resentful, emotionally repressed little cus, who's forgotten what it means to truly give respect, and to recieve it. all of my bizare little scenarios involving relationships and such seem to have given me some skewed viewpoints of the world... and its turned me into something I don't like... just recently I realized it when I saw that I"m lightening up a bit again... trying not to take the world so seriously, trying not to bottle everything up, I think its this cycle of "i'm okay....now I"m depressed and weird" that has cost me more friends than anything, either from ruining a current friendship, or from just being too damn scared to start a new one. cycles suck. friends do not... how does one stand up and say "stop"... and know they really mean it? we lie so much to make ourselves feel better, especially when its an internal lie...truth stings. I want to stop lying ot myself, I need to search for truth, above all else, start asking "is this what I REALLY think and feel?" truth, liberation. I wish to know myself...its time to sit down w/ meself and ask some of the hard questions, maybe once i know and care what they are, I can start answering them...chaio for now