(no subject)
Sometimes I feel like internship is lowering my self-esteem as days goes by.
Its as though my 3 years in my course were somewhat a waste and yet somehow I feel like we were too complacent as students, and too spoonfed by our lecturers.
I now question what my 3 years in school actually taught me. Someone once asked, "school doesn't teach much right?" As much as I do like my course, sad to say, the truth is, I have to agree on the fact that......maybe it's true, I haven't learnt much from school.
It could be me as an individual. People have told me that my company doesn't expect me to know the technical aspects of stuff (eg equipment for lighting/dolly/whatnot, unless you have an interest in films, then you might understand what I'm talking about). But HOW WRONG THEY ARE. And then you get this disapproving feeling from your superior(not necessary my supervisor) that you're useless and then your self esteem really starts spiralling downwards till it hits rock bottom.
I feel like the most useless intern or human being for that matter. It's like the only tasks that I can accomplish are the nobrainer errands they send me out for. In other words, being a saikang warrior.
I'm not putting my skills that I learnt in school to use. Heck, I'm not even sure what I've gained/learnt out of these 3 years myself.
I can't even get proper simple things done right. There's so much I don't know. Now I'm really thinking, we had it easy. It's not that I didn't work hard in school...Oh well you know what, I'm not even sure myself what else is there to say about school.
I guess all I'm feeling right now is regret. Lots of regret that I shouldn't have been such a complacent student. I should have been more experimental. But who's to say that I would've thought this way a few years ago?
I guess this is good enough that it's somewhat of a wake up call. I don't want to be a quitter. I'd rather be a forgotten intern(I guess...) than someone who gives up. Especially in such an industry where it's so small. If I quit now, that's it. My future in this career is OVER. It might affect me for life too if I give up this easily.
But you know what, life's not about giving up. Everytime I make a mistake, I tell myself, I'm prepared to take the shit. Making mistakes are the only way I'll EVER learn. And I can't keep thinking to myself how much I'd rather be in school studying because now I'm thinking school, is shit. School does not prepare you for the real world. School is like Heaven and Work is like Hell. Its complete opposites if you ask me.
And I can't possibly have it easy all my life, I'll never learn.
All I'm asking for right now, is just, please help me god, give me time.
Its as though my 3 years in my course were somewhat a waste and yet somehow I feel like we were too complacent as students, and too spoonfed by our lecturers.
I now question what my 3 years in school actually taught me. Someone once asked, "school doesn't teach much right?" As much as I do like my course, sad to say, the truth is, I have to agree on the fact that......maybe it's true, I haven't learnt much from school.
It could be me as an individual. People have told me that my company doesn't expect me to know the technical aspects of stuff (eg equipment for lighting/dolly/whatnot, unless you have an interest in films, then you might understand what I'm talking about). But HOW WRONG THEY ARE. And then you get this disapproving feeling from your superior(not necessary my supervisor) that you're useless and then your self esteem really starts spiralling downwards till it hits rock bottom.
I feel like the most useless intern or human being for that matter. It's like the only tasks that I can accomplish are the nobrainer errands they send me out for. In other words, being a saikang warrior.
I'm not putting my skills that I learnt in school to use. Heck, I'm not even sure what I've gained/learnt out of these 3 years myself.
I can't even get proper simple things done right. There's so much I don't know. Now I'm really thinking, we had it easy. It's not that I didn't work hard in school...Oh well you know what, I'm not even sure myself what else is there to say about school.
I guess all I'm feeling right now is regret. Lots of regret that I shouldn't have been such a complacent student. I should have been more experimental. But who's to say that I would've thought this way a few years ago?
I guess this is good enough that it's somewhat of a wake up call. I don't want to be a quitter. I'd rather be a forgotten intern(I guess...) than someone who gives up. Especially in such an industry where it's so small. If I quit now, that's it. My future in this career is OVER. It might affect me for life too if I give up this easily.
But you know what, life's not about giving up. Everytime I make a mistake, I tell myself, I'm prepared to take the shit. Making mistakes are the only way I'll EVER learn. And I can't keep thinking to myself how much I'd rather be in school studying because now I'm thinking school, is shit. School does not prepare you for the real world. School is like Heaven and Work is like Hell. Its complete opposites if you ask me.
And I can't possibly have it easy all my life, I'll never learn.
All I'm asking for right now, is just, please help me god, give me time.