dead.
Well, its seems that its finally over.
She basically told me to get lost. To stop worrying about her. She is not going to date me again.
you people, you know who you are, have won...
I have lost, been ousted, dismissed, rejected....
I was told today in one of the most sincere ways ever....to fuck off.
i was told i am not trustworthy.
i was told i am not worth it.
If there ever was a day in my life where i feel useless...this would be that day.
So,...what is one to do when your heart is destroyed in one fell swoop?
Well, theres not really much choice is there?
2 years of my life are now gone. 2 years that i destroyed.
She will learn to love again. and she will forget me.
Me, on the other hand, will and can never forget this.
I am at my lowest low. Normally in these times i would have close friends around to keep my mind off how shitty i let my life become.
But these days, its different. I dont have that support. they are all gone, living other lives...w/ other people, and being very happy.
It seems like, everyone is on Team Erin. Everybody loves her...omg, shes soooo special and nice and blah. Yeah, i know that. i know all of that.
I, on the other hand, am not loved. Nobody will ever love me again. Nobody wants to...cuz they all know her. and they all know her story.
"omg, you dumped jimm??? that one guy? he was really cute, what happened? WHAT? OMG HOW SHITTY!! FUCK HIM! You are sooo better off w/o him..."
These words are on the lips of everyone i know that now hangs out w/ her.
Or, maybe thats just the way i see it. Maybe im delusional. Maybe...i should stop crying now.
She is now Queen Social...has 1,000,000 friends...that hate me.
I no longer, am the party. I no longer will have people that WANT to talk to me. I really have nothing interesting to say. I am Destroyed.
This is the worst day ever.
i have never been told i am not good enough for someone.
until today...
i dont know how to even cope w/ this anymore.
i dont want to go to any places that i will see her. or her entourage..
they will all point and whisper. and smile...
How i hate this all.
A piece of me died. something i can never have again.
I tried so hard...so very hard. to make things right. to fix what apparently was unfixable.
Goodbye everyone. For i am leaving livejournal-land. I am leaving CC, Luna, and everything else. i can no longer walk around w/ my head held high when i feel so much shame and humiliation. I cannot bare to see her anymore. I cant look at her picture, read her thoughts. I will not be posting anymore. i will not be reading YOUR journals anymore. I cannot bare to see her name. for this feeling will never go away.
I am not what i used to be.
And w/ that.
.....
Jimm®
She basically told me to get lost. To stop worrying about her. She is not going to date me again.
you people, you know who you are, have won...
I have lost, been ousted, dismissed, rejected....
I was told today in one of the most sincere ways ever....to fuck off.
i was told i am not trustworthy.
i was told i am not worth it.
If there ever was a day in my life where i feel useless...this would be that day.
So,...what is one to do when your heart is destroyed in one fell swoop?
Well, theres not really much choice is there?
2 years of my life are now gone. 2 years that i destroyed.
She will learn to love again. and she will forget me.
Me, on the other hand, will and can never forget this.
I am at my lowest low. Normally in these times i would have close friends around to keep my mind off how shitty i let my life become.
But these days, its different. I dont have that support. they are all gone, living other lives...w/ other people, and being very happy.
It seems like, everyone is on Team Erin. Everybody loves her...omg, shes soooo special and nice and blah. Yeah, i know that. i know all of that.
I, on the other hand, am not loved. Nobody will ever love me again. Nobody wants to...cuz they all know her. and they all know her story.
"omg, you dumped jimm??? that one guy? he was really cute, what happened? WHAT? OMG HOW SHITTY!! FUCK HIM! You are sooo better off w/o him..."
These words are on the lips of everyone i know that now hangs out w/ her.
Or, maybe thats just the way i see it. Maybe im delusional. Maybe...i should stop crying now.
She is now Queen Social...has 1,000,000 friends...that hate me.
I no longer, am the party. I no longer will have people that WANT to talk to me. I really have nothing interesting to say. I am Destroyed.
This is the worst day ever.
i have never been told i am not good enough for someone.
until today...
i dont know how to even cope w/ this anymore.
i dont want to go to any places that i will see her. or her entourage..
they will all point and whisper. and smile...
How i hate this all.
A piece of me died. something i can never have again.
I tried so hard...so very hard. to make things right. to fix what apparently was unfixable.
Goodbye everyone. For i am leaving livejournal-land. I am leaving CC, Luna, and everything else. i can no longer walk around w/ my head held high when i feel so much shame and humiliation. I cannot bare to see her anymore. I cant look at her picture, read her thoughts. I will not be posting anymore. i will not be reading YOUR journals anymore. I cannot bare to see her name. for this feeling will never go away.
I am not what i used to be.
And w/ that.
.....
Jimm®