The Wormwood Legacy 1.18
"Hi there! My name is Britney Myers, but you can call me BritBrit. It has been about 3 weeks since I was invited to move into the Wormwood household until I turn 18. Someone turned me into the social workers. They stormed my sister's trailer and dragged me off to the Orphanage for rehabilitation and education. I didn't have it so bad on my own since Byron was feeding me out by the swing set on the playground with food he smuggled out from the cafeteria and as long as I locked myself in the trailer closet and braced the door real well I had a safe place to sleep. I wish I knew who turned me in, I should thank them. The Social Workers never mentioned their name to me.
Adela calls me trailer trash, but I think that's a little harsh. I would have given anything to have lived in a real trailer park with old ladies with blue hair in curlers wearing housecoats and slippers watering dead flowers decorated with plastic flamingos! My trailer was an old Streamline camper parked illegally off the side of Highway 12. I lived there with my sister, since my dad is a trucker. Now it gets complicated here, try to keep up. My sister is my birth momma, but she couldn't raise a baby at 12 years old, so my trucker dad, who is my real grandpa, adopted me to get some state funds and food stamps. Sis hates me calling her Mama, so I don't do that. She says it ages her to have a daughter and old strippers only get pity tips. I don't know who my birth daddy is, I don't think Sis knows either or she's not telling me. She and Dad don't talk about it much, they get all quiet and slam doors a lot.
So with my family off at Club Jiggles or on the road, I pretty much taught myself how to steal food and stay alive. I learned very quickly how to jump out of moving cars and which hospitals would have the best food in the the trash bins. It's not stealing if it is in the trash bin right?
The Wormwood's house was paradise to me. They had furniture and flooring and this pretty paper on the walls! There was a pool and a hot tub and all the food you could cook for yourself! I have my own bedroom with a lock on the door. Its a good lock, one way access from my side of the door. I only have to move the dresser against the door for old times' sake. I just can't sleep if the entrance isn't properly barricaded.
Byron was such a sweetheart these last few weeks. He cheered for me at the birthday party and he whispers to me that we'll get married when we grow up. He even lets me spit instead of swallowing. That's so sweet.
Mr. Wormwood, wants me to call him Linus. He gives me a little chore money for washing the car in my bikini. "Work that trim BritBrit, yeah...Get all the dirty bits..."
Mrs. Wormwood, Renee, doesn't talk to me much. She does laugh to herself and kiss the check that the state sends for my care each month.
Linus and Renee are fighting more. He's having troubles getting a new television show up and running, so money's been a bit tight. He said, "Why don't you get your fat ass a job if you want a new Mercedes Renee!" Uh oh. Renee reminds me of the woman who runs Club Jiggles, whenever one of the strippers would piss her off, she would get real quiet, take the girl to the back office by a handful of hair extensions and nobody would see that stripper again at work.
I've made friends with Charlie the Swan. He's a good listener as long as you bring him bread.
Adela's pretty weird. She's so beautiful, but all she does is play on the computer with her web cam and try to drown me in the pool. I'm a good swimmer. She doesn't date anyone from our school, she's so mean that nobody wants to.
She's the hottest girl on campus and all the boys are afraid of her. She seems okay to me, when she's not grinding my skull with her knuckles.
One day I decided to fight back and I gave her a noogie first!
"OOOOOMPH! Are you stupid Hooker Heels? You could have smothered me with your boobs! I cannot believe you put your boobs in my face! Your boobs were right there! You rubbed your nipples on my face! Not to mention your body stench! What is that nasty perfume?"
.
"Adela, why are you so mean all the time?"
"What!? I'm not mean. I just don't like people using my stuff or taking away any attention from me, that's all. I deserve adoration. That's a big word for you, huh? I mean look at me, I'm fabulous!"
"I think you're just lonely. You're all prickly so you don't let anyone get close enough to hurt you."
"Thanks Dr. Britney! I feel so much better now that you've exposed my SOUL! Gawd, you're so pathetic."
"It's okay Adela, I'll be your friend. Here, have another noogie!"
"Ah, NO. I'll pass. I already smell like tramp's boobies."
"I think you are beautiful Adela. "
"Well, I am. Look at this hair, this skin, my poise and my figure. I'm divine."
"You could be so popular and happy if you'd just be a little kinder."
"Forget that! Only losers let people take advantage of them."
"Don't you want to date anyone? You have to be a little considerate of the other person's feelings too."
"Whatever, I'll just find a man like my mom did who adores her and fears her. I mean, I don't have to let him touch me or anything like that. "
"But Adela, do you see how happy Byron is? He's always smiling and cheerful and he enjoys helping other people so much."
"Yeah, but I dropped him on his head a whole lot when he was a baby. He bounced."
I'm going to fix you Adela Wormwood. I'm going to make you into a better person. I'm going to make you into a happy person if it kills you, and I am going to win this punching game at least once!