The Wormwood Legacy 1.17
"Hello?"
"Hello there, Mrs. Wormwood?"
"Yeah? What do you want?"
"Mrs. Wormwood, I don't know if you remember me, Tyler Jepperson. The NASA man?"
"Oh yeah... you NEVER sent me that check!"
"Well, no. Peter Brugel's family claimed the benefits... you weren't listed as a spouse or dependant."
"CRAP. So what are you calling about? Are you lonely? Did you want a taste of this sweetness?"
"Oh NO! I'm calling on behalf of my new employer The Foster Family Alliance. I was told by a reliable source that you would be a wonderful Foster Parent."
"Now why would I want another kid? I already have two little brats of my own and they hardly do enough chores to justify their existence."
"We would pay you. A check every month. All you have to do is make sure they go to school, stay healthy and stay alive until they turn 18."
"A check? Well... send a little brat on over. They don't have to be happy here, do they?"
"Oh no, we don't expect that."
"Well that's an expectation that I can live up to. Just bring the little snot on over to the birthday party tonight."
"That's wonderful, it is this little girl's birthday as well!"
"Whatever. Bring your own cake."
Hello! It's me! Adela Wormwood! Sorry for the shouting! It's my birthday! Everyone was invited to my party! Well, not everyone, just the important people. Well, just my mom's friends, but they are very important people. Byron was pouting because I told him that his girlfriend Skanky McStripperSpawn couldn't come to my party. She'd totally clash with my party dress.
"Hell-wo, I'm Mr. Fuzzy Blue Balls the Headmaster!"
"Sir, do you think that that type of conversation is appropriate for a child's birthday party?"
"Lighten up, Francis. I've had a few cups of Mistress Wormwood's Special Punch."
"Jeppsen! PSST! Where's the check, I mean the kid?"
"Oh I sent her to the bathroom to clean up for the party. The poor thing was starving alone in a rat infested shanty with only an apple core to gnaw on, she was cold and filthy and sad and..."
"Yeah yeah yeah, you did bring the money right?"
"YES! YES! YES! Yes Mistress Wormwood! Awesome party! A+! A+!"
"Very good Neville, I'll see you in your office tomorrow. I'll bring the harness."
"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"Hmmm, what do I want to wish for? I could wish for long life and happiness, but I think what I really want is an awesome rack. Yeah, Mom would approve. Oh my internet friends are going to LOVE these pictures."
"YEAH Adela! Woo!"
"Wait... what is SHE doing here?"
"Hi Adela. It's my birthday too. Hi Byron!"
"OhmygoshOhmygoshBrittanyBrittanyBrittany!!!"
"Whatever Skank-Hole. It's candle time! I'm going to be SO hot!"
"See? I told you. Your turn. Let's see if you grow out of all that ugly."
"I wish for world peace, fluffy kittens, rainbows without rain, candy cane kisses and Byron and I to love each other forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ev-,"
"Just blow out the friggin candles you lint-brained dingbat!"
Ha! Spitney was so fugly that she ran to the bathroom without even showing her face to the room. Oh yes, I had won. I was the ultimate hotness. There was room for only ONE babe at this party. I was perfection.
Oh and Byron grew up too. I guess. It was kinda rude of him to grow up at MY party. My party was not what I had day-dreamed about. I did get that awesome rack though.
"Adela, I have to tell you a little surprise!"
"Byron's little ho-bag has crabs. She does, doesn't she?"
"That little ho is your new foster sister for as long as I get those fabulous checks. Oh, and you can't NANNY her. She has to stay alive until she turns 18. Remember, Mom loves MONEY. You don't want to make Mom unhappy, Adela. Oh here she comes, I gave her a makeover back in the salon. I can't have ugly in my beautiful house. I'm not sure how I'm going to fix your brother though. He took after his father, and that wasn't a good thing..."
"Hello, foster sister!"
"What? You seem speechless with happiness Adela! We're going to be BEST FRIENDS. I'm going to be the sister you never wanted. How about a hug!?"
"THIS WAS THE WORST BIRTHDAY EVER! I am going to make you pay, you nasty, tacky, cheap wannabe trailer park hooker! I WILL END YOU! I vow this as a WORMWOOD!"