The Wormwood Legacy 1.6
Previously, I was dealing with the biggest shame of my life. I had married Goopy, the secret transvestite with great taste in my shoes and a terrible wardrobe. He shamed me at our wedding and was a complete and utter jerk. He died tragically of starvation when he was too stupid to figure out how to break down a bathroom door. We did throw some good parties though...
It was at one of these parties that I met Abhijeet Deppiesse. We were soon talking about the finer double entendres of life. "What women doesn't like a pearl necklace? How about we head on into the salon and see how much weight the chair lift will hold--,"
"Oh great, it's my husband, we'll talk later!"
After a few beers, Goopy passed out in the bedroom and I got to know Abhijeet better. "Can I call you Jeeter? I think that's a sexy nickname. It's not a STUPID one like GOOOPY! His name reminds me of a yeast infection."
"Jesus, Renee! That's your husband," Marissa slurred.
"Oh shut up and drink your beer. Don't puke on my floor." I have no idea why she showed up at my party, probably just to drink my fridge empty.
After Marissa left to puke in the bathroom I snuggled up close to Jeeter and asked him the important question, "How much money do you make?"
"Not much, but I've got a good lead on a promotion. I thought you weren't concerned about material things? I mean just look at your house..." I smothered his mouth with a kiss and then he left suddenly when the party was over. "I had a really good time Renee, look me up when you're in the mood to shop for pearl necklaces."
After the funeral, I decided to put on a new wig. I felt fat and dumpy after having Adela but I was determined to make the best of things. I had a home business now and a hefty amount left over from Goopy's last big bonus. I decided to hire a nanny and go out on the town.
The service sent over a nasty old baggage named Karen Gast. "So, why should I leave you in charge of my house?"
"I'm here to make sure no harm comes to your baby. I know infant CPR and I am certified in First A---"
"Yeah yeah yeah, but are you going to steal my CD's? I can always make a new baby, but that CD collection is priceless. If there's a fire, remember CD's FIRST, baby SECOND."
"Miss Wormwood, I don't think--"
"Mrs. Wormwood. I'm a widow."
"Yes, yes, but I don't think I can guarantee that I wouldn't try to save the child first."
"Okay, whatever. Just don't start any fires, don't be one of the crazy pyromaniac nannies that steals my stuff. I'm watching you, I have a nanny cam. Now I have to go get laid. God it's been forever since I've had a good pearl necklace."
I called up Jeeter and he told me that he'd rather come over to my place than go Downtown. That was fine with me, that way I didn't need to pay for the taxi or that stupid old nanny.
"Mrs. Wormwood, it is very snowy and cold, a small tip might be ni--"
"I caught you in my hot tub, you lazy old loon! I'll have you arrested for trespassing!"
I welcomed in Jeeter in my own special way, with lots of active tongue.
"My god Renee you kiss like you're going to devour me."
"Wanna move in and find out how intense I can be?" He readily agreed, since I wasn't the type of girl who would screw without a commitment or a credit card. I still got misty about working Madame's establishment. It had been a dream job. Oh well, I'm not the nostalgic type.
"It's a little weird with the baby in here."
"Oh don't worry about her. She's practically asleep."
"Remember when I met you at your wedding? You were beautiful even during that terrible party."
"Jeeter, do you wear make up or dress like a woman?"
"No! I can see why you'd ask though. Goopy was pretty hot as a chick though---"
"Just shut up and kiss me Jeeter, I'm not to be trifled with."
I was so pleased to see that Jeeter had gotten a makeover, he was very aesthetically pleasing even without makeup and heels. "Oh baby!"
"I've got to talk to you Renee about what I want our marriage to be... Renee are you listening to me?"
I was a bit distracted, it felt so cold suddenly.
"What? What's wrong Jeeter?"
Tomorrow was our wedding, it was going to be a beautiful day.