the fiction we live.
just when i think i've got it all figured out, something changes. i saw him today. it was both akward and comfortable to me. and we cried. but we also laughed. he kissed me and held me and said "i love you" to me for the first time in weeks. but he also told me that he slept with someone else last night. i'm still feeling kind of numb. it hasn't set in fully. it hurts, don't get me wrong. but i love him, still. i know that what we have isn't perfect, but it's good. and i think it will be okay. he said being with her made him miss me, and want me again. it's so confusing. and i hate it. i've been dreading it for so long. i really have. i think i took it well. and i still want to make it work. he said he does too. we talked about our future, and our kids. i've missed being around him so much. i don't know what he's trying to accomplish right now. i mean, i know it's so he won't have harsh feelings towards me and we can be happy again. but i don't see how that will change. i'm so thankful though. i saw the old ford today. his smile and laugh. his kiss and his smell. and i was able to let him go. god knows, it was hard. but i want what's best for him. i'm still a little scared. that he'll switch again and not want me anymore. that he'll be cruel and uncaring. but i'm still going to remain strong, and remain his. i know there's temptations. but he's more important to me. i just hope this won't last much longer. seeing him today gave me more motivation to carry on.
"the boy who blocked his own shot"
If it makes you less sad, I will die by your hand. I hope you find out what you are. I already know what I am. And if it makes you less sad, we'll start talking again. And you can tell me how vile I already know that I am. I'll grow old, start acting my age. I'll be a brand new day in a life that you hate. A crown of gold. A heart that's harder than stone. And it hurts a whole lot, but it's missed when it's gone. Call me a safe bet. I'm betting I'm not. I'm glad that you can forgive. I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget. If it makes you less sad, I'll move out of the state. You can keep to yourself. I'll keep out of your way. And if it makes you less sad, I'll take your pictures all down.Every picture you paint, I will paint myself out.
It's cold as a tomb, and it's dark in your room, When I sneak to your bed to pour salt in your wounds. So call it quits or get a grip. So you wanted a solution. You just wanted to be missed. Call me a safe bet. I'm betting I'm not. I'm glad that you can forgive. I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget... You are calm and reposed. Let your beauty unfold. Pale white, like the skin stretched over your bones. Spring keeps you ever close. You are second hand smoke. You are so fragile and thin. Standing trial for your sins. Holding onto yourself the best you can. You are the smell before rain. You are the blood in my veins.Call me a safe bet. I'm betting I'm not. I'm glad that you can forgive. Only hoping as time goes, you can forget.
"the boy who blocked his own shot"
If it makes you less sad, I will die by your hand. I hope you find out what you are. I already know what I am. And if it makes you less sad, we'll start talking again. And you can tell me how vile I already know that I am. I'll grow old, start acting my age. I'll be a brand new day in a life that you hate. A crown of gold. A heart that's harder than stone. And it hurts a whole lot, but it's missed when it's gone. Call me a safe bet. I'm betting I'm not. I'm glad that you can forgive. I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget. If it makes you less sad, I'll move out of the state. You can keep to yourself. I'll keep out of your way. And if it makes you less sad, I'll take your pictures all down.Every picture you paint, I will paint myself out.
It's cold as a tomb, and it's dark in your room, When I sneak to your bed to pour salt in your wounds. So call it quits or get a grip. So you wanted a solution. You just wanted to be missed. Call me a safe bet. I'm betting I'm not. I'm glad that you can forgive. I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget... You are calm and reposed. Let your beauty unfold. Pale white, like the skin stretched over your bones. Spring keeps you ever close. You are second hand smoke. You are so fragile and thin. Standing trial for your sins. Holding onto yourself the best you can. You are the smell before rain. You are the blood in my veins.Call me a safe bet. I'm betting I'm not. I'm glad that you can forgive. Only hoping as time goes, you can forget.