For theatrical_muse
42 Does heartache make you stronger?
[Locked from everyone]
For me, yes. For others? I don't know, you'd have to ask. Because as far as I'm concerned, heartache is like dwelling and reminising on what you've lost, who you've lost, looking back with nostalgia to something you'll never have again. Overthinking it, what you could have done, how you could have saved him if you'd only run faster, if you'd believed him in the beginning, thinkign about what-ifs and maybes, driving yourself insane with questions. Heartache's a funny thing, it reminds you of everything you've lost, allowing you to dwell on what you'll never have again, remember 'the better times' but ultimately you'll never have them again, so thinking about them just causes you pain you don't want. Pain that you can't use. And whether or not heartache makes you stronger all depends on how you deal with pain.
I think about Kyle and how he died and it makes me ache, every time I think I've got over it and I'm stronger for it, I think about him and something inside of me breaks that little bit more. But then I remember what he died for and how much he loved me and I guess in a way it makes me feel stronger, even though I'm tired of running. I'm tired of losing people and I'm tired of seeing John get attached only to have to rip him away. He follows me each time and I'm terrified there'll come a day when he says no and just leaves. I hope he'd never be that stupid.
Heartache's something I want to avoid even though it's commonly said that "It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all". I lost Kyle and I know I never got over it, never let another man as close as I did him. Not even Charley, though he got in pretty far, I agreed to marry him. In my own twisted way, I loved him, and that was another reason we ran. John knows that, saw through it instantly, but I couldn't stay, we couldn't stay, not since we would have ended up getting him killed and I couldn't bear to lose someone close to me like that again. But I can't seem to help it, people sneak in past my defences even though I really don't want them to. People like Derek, who is another soldier, Kyle's brother, who I didn't trust for a long time, who I already know I'd be lost without. Whilst I know I'll never forget Kyle, and I'll never stop loving him, dwelling on it needlessly causes me nothing but a pain I don't want to deal with, a pain that distracts me. And I need to move on. I just hope that in time - more time - the pain will fade. I know my determination never will.
[/Locked]
“The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.” ~ Anonymous
Muse: Sarah Connor
Fandom: Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
Word Count: 505
[Locked from everyone]
For me, yes. For others? I don't know, you'd have to ask. Because as far as I'm concerned, heartache is like dwelling and reminising on what you've lost, who you've lost, looking back with nostalgia to something you'll never have again. Overthinking it, what you could have done, how you could have saved him if you'd only run faster, if you'd believed him in the beginning, thinkign about what-ifs and maybes, driving yourself insane with questions. Heartache's a funny thing, it reminds you of everything you've lost, allowing you to dwell on what you'll never have again, remember 'the better times' but ultimately you'll never have them again, so thinking about them just causes you pain you don't want. Pain that you can't use. And whether or not heartache makes you stronger all depends on how you deal with pain.
I think about Kyle and how he died and it makes me ache, every time I think I've got over it and I'm stronger for it, I think about him and something inside of me breaks that little bit more. But then I remember what he died for and how much he loved me and I guess in a way it makes me feel stronger, even though I'm tired of running. I'm tired of losing people and I'm tired of seeing John get attached only to have to rip him away. He follows me each time and I'm terrified there'll come a day when he says no and just leaves. I hope he'd never be that stupid.
Heartache's something I want to avoid even though it's commonly said that "It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all". I lost Kyle and I know I never got over it, never let another man as close as I did him. Not even Charley, though he got in pretty far, I agreed to marry him. In my own twisted way, I loved him, and that was another reason we ran. John knows that, saw through it instantly, but I couldn't stay, we couldn't stay, not since we would have ended up getting him killed and I couldn't bear to lose someone close to me like that again. But I can't seem to help it, people sneak in past my defences even though I really don't want them to. People like Derek, who is another soldier, Kyle's brother, who I didn't trust for a long time, who I already know I'd be lost without. Whilst I know I'll never forget Kyle, and I'll never stop loving him, dwelling on it needlessly causes me nothing but a pain I don't want to deal with, a pain that distracts me. And I need to move on. I just hope that in time - more time - the pain will fade. I know my determination never will.
[/Locked]
“The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.” ~ Anonymous
Muse: Sarah Connor
Fandom: Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
Word Count: 505