finally going to leave
now that it's finally time for me to leave for Colorado (though i haven't slept yet, so it'll be when i wake up), i'm debating whether or not i want to.
i'm going to, but i'm so unmotivated right now (due to waiting, i think) that i don't really want to.
but at the same time, due to being unmotivated, i don't have any bias on the issue, and i... i can still feel motivation, i can still create motivation.
i guess it's just annoying right now, or saddening that i can't be motivated until i leave.
for some reason i want to say more, but kind of can't.
i guess this is good though, because motivation and deteremination are at the tip of my tongue right now, and i can easily speak them. but unfortunately, i must hold my tongue for another 3-ish days (driving and finding a place).
btw, my sleep schedule is now the weirdest it has ever been.
this makes what, the 10th time i've said i'm motivated?
and each time it's more true than the previous times.
and each time, i lose it due to some stupid problems with my current location, and the people involved. makes sense that i'm introverted. makes sense that i need solitude for a while.
this time though, i'm not motivated. i simply know what it feels like.
and i can use that to my advantage.
this time, my goals aren't overly-presumptuous. no time frame in my mind. i'll simply do. not eventually, not in 3 months, not soon. i'm just going to, and that's it. of course, being the analytical pereson that i am, i have projections; but i have no will to meet them. they simply will be.
so why did i write this entry?
because i'm overdue.
this has been another episode of My Rambling Mind
i'm going to, but i'm so unmotivated right now (due to waiting, i think) that i don't really want to.
but at the same time, due to being unmotivated, i don't have any bias on the issue, and i... i can still feel motivation, i can still create motivation.
i guess it's just annoying right now, or saddening that i can't be motivated until i leave.
for some reason i want to say more, but kind of can't.
i guess this is good though, because motivation and deteremination are at the tip of my tongue right now, and i can easily speak them. but unfortunately, i must hold my tongue for another 3-ish days (driving and finding a place).
btw, my sleep schedule is now the weirdest it has ever been.
this makes what, the 10th time i've said i'm motivated?
and each time it's more true than the previous times.
and each time, i lose it due to some stupid problems with my current location, and the people involved. makes sense that i'm introverted. makes sense that i need solitude for a while.
this time though, i'm not motivated. i simply know what it feels like.
and i can use that to my advantage.
this time, my goals aren't overly-presumptuous. no time frame in my mind. i'll simply do. not eventually, not in 3 months, not soon. i'm just going to, and that's it. of course, being the analytical pereson that i am, i have projections; but i have no will to meet them. they simply will be.
so why did i write this entry?
because i'm overdue.
this has been another episode of My Rambling Mind