[JP] Farrah Gray quote
[absit_omens used by request of her mun. First section set after THIS but before THIS. The second section is after the latter.]
“In life we don’t get what we want, we get in life what we are. If we want more we have to be able to be more, in order to be more you have to face rejection.”
He had never been so happy that Bela was a creature of habit.
While generally her habits tended to make his life harder before they made it easier, this time she really was making his life easier, and that wasn’t such a bad thing. He could kill two birds with one stone, and while the first part of this he hated, he did, he knew that it needed to be done, and that she would be better off. He’d already lost Sam. He didn’t know what he’d do if she wound up getting hurt, and she wasn’t going to want to see this side of him anyway. More importantly, he didn’t want her seeing it.
When they pulled up in front of her mom’s building in the city, he could see the confusion on her face as she glanced back at him. She wanted to know what she was doing home, and he didn’t know what to tell her at first-to be honest, if he didn’t know if he could tell her the real reason why. Instead, he just shrugged it off, before giving her the easiest smile he could manage.
“Got something I need to take care of. Figured you might want to visit with your mom for a while-I know you don’t see her much.”
Anna watched him for a moment, and he could tell that she knew. “I’ll go with you. We can both come back and see Mama when we’re done.”
Dean shook his head. “Just goin’ to see an old friend, talk shop for a couple hours. You’ll be bored to death. I’ll come back and get you when I’m done.” Not completely a lie. He would come back when this was all done-provided he was still alive, and she wasn’t about to kill him for what he was about to do right now.
“Dean-I don’t want you to be alone right now-”
“I won’t be alone! I’ll be with Robbie.”
“Robbie?” she frowned, not recognizing the name.
“Yeah, my old buddy Robbie. Hunter. Lives here in the city with his eight million relatives, all of whom I’ll probably see,” he shrugged slightly, before leaning in closer to her. “I just got some stuff I need to take care of. I’m sure your mom’ll love to see you-she hasn’t heard from you in a while. Just-take some time, okay? You don’t get an opportunity to see her every day.”
She paused, still watching him for a moment, before leaning in and kissing him briefly. “You’re coming back for me. You promise.”
“I promise,” he murmured softly, brushing one last kiss to her lips before, watching her get out of the car. She closed the door behind her, before leaning over the window and giving him a small smile.
“I love you, Dean.”
He didn’t respond-he still couldn’t say it, hadn’t been able to since they found Sam-just gave her a small smile, and waited for her to disappear into the building before pulling back out into the street. As he drove away, he glanced back up at the building in the rearview mirror and swallowed the last vestiges of whatever person he had been.
And he felt like such an asshole.
***
It was the middle of the night when he and Bela reached the first fringes of the Pine Barrens, heading through South Jersey towards an old friend of hers that might be able to help out on the arms front. He knew that if he was going to have to do this, it was now or never, because after that he probably would be without signal for a few hours. Naturally he would love to put it off a little while longer, because at this point he could still turn around and go back, pretend like this all had never happened, but he knew that that wasn’t the case.
He pulled off to the side of the highway, bringing the car to a stop and staring at the phone in his hand, and he could feel Bela looking at him expectantly, like she was expecting an explanation.
“Something wrong?”
He paused for a minute, before shaking his head. “Just something I need to take care of.” He pulled up Anna’s number, and was getting ready to hit send, before he glanced back over at her again and sighed. “Can you-go somewhere else for a while?”
Bela watched him carefully for a moment, before nodding and stepping out of the car, disappearing from view. As soon as he was sure she was gone, he hit send and placed the phone to his ear, hoping like hell that he’d get her voicemail.
“You’ve reached Anna Morasca. I’m not able to take your call, so leave a message and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.”
For once he actually got lucky.
“Hey, Anna,” he began with a heavy sigh. “By the time you listen to this, you’ve probably already figured out that I’m not coming back. I know-this probably wasn’t the best way to do this, but-it needed to be done. This is the only way I know how to keep you safe, and I’ll be damned if I lose you to this goddamn war as well. So-I’m leaving. It was a pretty cowardly way to do it, I’ll admit it, but-it’s the only way I knew how.”
He took a long breath, trying to figure out where to go from there, but he knew there wasn’t much more he could say to that. “Look, don’t try and come find me, alright? I’m going to be doing my best to make sure I’m not easy to find, and if my dad taught me anything at all, it was how to make myself disappear. I’m doing this for you, kid, even if it doesn’t seem like it now.”
With that, he snapped the phone closed, watching it in his hands for a moment, before sliding the phone back into his pocket. It was done. The last pieces of Dean Winchester were gone, replaced by the person that he really was, as oppose to the ideal that she seemed to hold him to, and now he needed to move on and do what he needed to do. And if he lived through this-
-maybe there would be something for him to go home to when it was over.
1078 words
“In life we don’t get what we want, we get in life what we are. If we want more we have to be able to be more, in order to be more you have to face rejection.”
He had never been so happy that Bela was a creature of habit.
While generally her habits tended to make his life harder before they made it easier, this time she really was making his life easier, and that wasn’t such a bad thing. He could kill two birds with one stone, and while the first part of this he hated, he did, he knew that it needed to be done, and that she would be better off. He’d already lost Sam. He didn’t know what he’d do if she wound up getting hurt, and she wasn’t going to want to see this side of him anyway. More importantly, he didn’t want her seeing it.
When they pulled up in front of her mom’s building in the city, he could see the confusion on her face as she glanced back at him. She wanted to know what she was doing home, and he didn’t know what to tell her at first-to be honest, if he didn’t know if he could tell her the real reason why. Instead, he just shrugged it off, before giving her the easiest smile he could manage.
“Got something I need to take care of. Figured you might want to visit with your mom for a while-I know you don’t see her much.”
Anna watched him for a moment, and he could tell that she knew. “I’ll go with you. We can both come back and see Mama when we’re done.”
Dean shook his head. “Just goin’ to see an old friend, talk shop for a couple hours. You’ll be bored to death. I’ll come back and get you when I’m done.” Not completely a lie. He would come back when this was all done-provided he was still alive, and she wasn’t about to kill him for what he was about to do right now.
“Dean-I don’t want you to be alone right now-”
“I won’t be alone! I’ll be with Robbie.”
“Robbie?” she frowned, not recognizing the name.
“Yeah, my old buddy Robbie. Hunter. Lives here in the city with his eight million relatives, all of whom I’ll probably see,” he shrugged slightly, before leaning in closer to her. “I just got some stuff I need to take care of. I’m sure your mom’ll love to see you-she hasn’t heard from you in a while. Just-take some time, okay? You don’t get an opportunity to see her every day.”
She paused, still watching him for a moment, before leaning in and kissing him briefly. “You’re coming back for me. You promise.”
“I promise,” he murmured softly, brushing one last kiss to her lips before, watching her get out of the car. She closed the door behind her, before leaning over the window and giving him a small smile.
“I love you, Dean.”
He didn’t respond-he still couldn’t say it, hadn’t been able to since they found Sam-just gave her a small smile, and waited for her to disappear into the building before pulling back out into the street. As he drove away, he glanced back up at the building in the rearview mirror and swallowed the last vestiges of whatever person he had been.
And he felt like such an asshole.
***
It was the middle of the night when he and Bela reached the first fringes of the Pine Barrens, heading through South Jersey towards an old friend of hers that might be able to help out on the arms front. He knew that if he was going to have to do this, it was now or never, because after that he probably would be without signal for a few hours. Naturally he would love to put it off a little while longer, because at this point he could still turn around and go back, pretend like this all had never happened, but he knew that that wasn’t the case.
He pulled off to the side of the highway, bringing the car to a stop and staring at the phone in his hand, and he could feel Bela looking at him expectantly, like she was expecting an explanation.
“Something wrong?”
He paused for a minute, before shaking his head. “Just something I need to take care of.” He pulled up Anna’s number, and was getting ready to hit send, before he glanced back over at her again and sighed. “Can you-go somewhere else for a while?”
Bela watched him carefully for a moment, before nodding and stepping out of the car, disappearing from view. As soon as he was sure she was gone, he hit send and placed the phone to his ear, hoping like hell that he’d get her voicemail.
“You’ve reached Anna Morasca. I’m not able to take your call, so leave a message and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.”
For once he actually got lucky.
“Hey, Anna,” he began with a heavy sigh. “By the time you listen to this, you’ve probably already figured out that I’m not coming back. I know-this probably wasn’t the best way to do this, but-it needed to be done. This is the only way I know how to keep you safe, and I’ll be damned if I lose you to this goddamn war as well. So-I’m leaving. It was a pretty cowardly way to do it, I’ll admit it, but-it’s the only way I knew how.”
He took a long breath, trying to figure out where to go from there, but he knew there wasn’t much more he could say to that. “Look, don’t try and come find me, alright? I’m going to be doing my best to make sure I’m not easy to find, and if my dad taught me anything at all, it was how to make myself disappear. I’m doing this for you, kid, even if it doesn’t seem like it now.”
With that, he snapped the phone closed, watching it in his hands for a moment, before sliding the phone back into his pocket. It was done. The last pieces of Dean Winchester were gone, replaced by the person that he really was, as oppose to the ideal that she seemed to hold him to, and now he needed to move on and do what he needed to do. And if he lived through this-
-maybe there would be something for him to go home to when it was over.
1078 words