[Follows
THIS. This Dean isn't in this comm, but the prompt really worked for him. Crossposted to
jstliketherifle. Bobby and Castiel are NPCs and not binding on any other muse.]
“The world will look up and shout ‘Save us!’... And I’ll whisper ‘No.’”
Dean was shaking by the time he got to Bobby’s. He had needed to hold it together back home for Anna. Someone needed to keep their heads on straight, and keep what was left of them safe. So he did that. He left Anna in the motel room with the bodies, made sure she salted the doors and windows to keep any unwanted company out, and drove up to see Bobby without even taking a breath for himself. He couldn’t think of himself at the moment, not when things weren’t safe.
Bobby’s though-Bobby’s was different. Bobby’s had been home to him for longer than he could remember. It was always a safe place, no matter where he went, or what happened to him, and now that he was there, he was starting to crack more than he would have liked. The older man was on the porch with a beer when he pulled up, and Dean could see the weathered sigh he gave when he saw the Impala in front of his house, but that mild annoyance changed quickly to worry when he saw Dean get out of the car-and Sam didn’t.
“Where’s your brother?” he asked, getting to his feet and starting to make his way over to the car. Dean only started to shake more, barely holding himself together as he tried to speak.
“The angels-” Dean began, his voice cut off just as it started to warble. He was pretty sure that he was going to fall apart the second the words actually came out of his mouth, and while he knew it was safe, his self preservation instinct was still kicking in. His eyes dropped to the ground, and he didn’t look up again until he felt Bobby’s hand on his shoulder.
“What happened, boy?” the older man asked gently, his voice hoping against hope that this wasn’t what he thought it was. “Where’s Sam?”
Dean was quiet for a moment, before his face crumbled, his shoulders starting to hunch along with it. “They killed my brother, Bobby.”
Everything after that was a broken blur. He remembered sobbing into the older man’s arms as he tried to pull everything back in again, he remembered Bobby giving him a beer, he remembered working out a plan to head back to the motel once Dean’s head was back on straight again, but each of the events seemed disjointed, detached. Like he was there, but he didn’t remember being there. It was almost as though he was watching it on a movie screen, and he supposed that it was for the best. The pain of losing everything he had was duller here. It was more of an ache, and Dean could handle an ache. His body ached everyday. It was just another piece of the pain that he felt on a regular basis.
He knew that he was going colder-that a piece of that thing that he had been once upon a time was creeping to the surface and shoving the good parts of him, the human parts of him away and that it wasn’t necessarily a good thing. But he couldn’t handle this any other way. The human part of him was broken, beyond repair. It had lost an essential piece to making him function, and until that was fixed? He wasn’t going to be this broken piece of human anymore. He was going to give in to the part that was stronger. He did have to survive, after all.
It wasn’t until they were leaving Bobby’s and he spotted the angel standing in front of his car that he actually started to get angry. His face went cold as he looked over at Castiel, Bobby hung back with him, and Dean just stared at him, pure hate on his face as he watched him.
“Dean, we need to talk.”
“No, we don’t,” Dean replied as he stormed past him to his car. “And you got a hell of a lot of nerve coming here after what your buddy did.”
“We have work to do-”
“Oh, no,” Dean said, giving him a look. “My brother isn’t even in the ground yet, and you’re smacking me with that order shit? Not happening.”
Castiel sighed slightly, before turning so that he was facing the man. “We had our orders. We warned you that your brother was heading down a dangerous road and you didn’t stop him. But there are bigger things at stake here than your brother’s life.”
“Oh, and what-you just expected me to suck it up and keep on following you around like some kind of puppy?” Dean growled, before shaking his head as he opened the door to the car. “No. I’m done-I’m not doing this your way anymore.”
Castiel faltered at that, looking over at him with concern in his eyes. “This is bigger than your brother’s life, Dean-this is the end of the world. If Lucifer goes free-”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah-Lucifer goes free and he brings Hell with him. I got that. You’ve been rubbing that in my face pretty much since the day you brought me back, and you know what? I’m sick of it. I’m not an idiot. I get that this is bad. But here’s what I don’t get-you assholes are supposed to be the good guys. You’re supposed to be the ones who preach forgiveness and compassion. But you are just as bad as them. In fact, some days I think you may be worse. You never saved me for any other reason than the fact that I was a damn good demon, and you know what? Fine. I can be that demon. But if I’m going to be that demon? I’m sure as hell not standing to fight with you.”
Castiel listened, quietly for a minute, before looking over at him. “You’re making a grave mistake, Dean.”
“Funny,” Dean said with an even look. “I don’t necessarily feel that way. But hey-if you don’t like my decision, go ahead. Smite me and send me back. Good luck winning this war, though.”
That angel gave him an even look, before there was a flutter of wings and he disappeared. Bobby was quiet for a minute before placing his hand on Dean’s shoulder. “Please tell me that you’re not bein’ and idjit about this, and you at least have a plan to how you’re going to fight this war without angelic help?”
Dean looked back at him, slightly annoyed, before nodding. “Course I do. This whole mess started with me, and it’s going to end with me.”
“And how, exactly, are you going to save alive long enough to fight Lilith?”
“Easy,” Dean said with a smirk as he started to climb into his car. “Fight fire with fire.” Bobby raised an eyebrow and Dean sighed. “I’ll explain later-but I can’t do it their way anymore, Bobby. I’m tired of being their tool so that they don’t get their hands dirty.”
Bobby sighed slightly, before nodding. “Alright-let’s go take care this mess first.”
Dean nodded, before starting the car and waiting for Bobby to climb into his before starting to pull out. Right now, it was just a matter of getting things in order and getting the ball rolling on a brand new plan. The angels wanted Dean to fight dirty?
He would fight dirty.
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