Woah! Here I am~
Okay so raise your hand if you are THE WORST about updating something that you LOVE. *HAND RAISED* .. honestly I dunno whats wrong with me... I love this journal.. I love being able to go back later and reading how I spent my days. Its not sad.. dont think that I rely on this thing to hold my memories for me. I hold my own.. thats what lifes all about.. But I think I miss the most just typing.. and being able to say and be who I want to be in that very moment. without interuptions. Honestly.. I WOULD journal everyday like I used to.. but this G-H-E-T-T-Ofied computer makes me want to stab myself every 5 seconds. I tell ya that Wireless junk from my stepfather couldnt come fast enough.
Anyhoo.. whats going on with me. Got a job.. which.. I mean .. I HAVE to have but honest to goodness my summer is GONE. I work 930-630 Mon-Fri.. DANG. Being old sucks! All in favor?! Yes I knew you would agree. Man Im realizing how old im becoming these days... lol. I mean I am READY TO PASS OUT at like 1030 haha.. and last summer 1030 is when I was about to go find something to do haha so so so sad. Its getting better tho. HOLY ADD BATMAN.. back to my job. So as of right now it is decent .. I mean I am supposed to be a counselor for their summer camp but it hasnt started yet.. so.. right now I am just helping with the Day care. HECK YES you know how I am about kids. LOVE EM. Im helping with the 3ish ones and they are precious with a capital PUH.. one little girl.. Bella... B-E-A-utiful.. in a non petafile type tone lol. But my two buddies are Grace and Tucker. Mmm hmmm funny because those are two names that I have always liked and thought about using. Its a sign. muwahaha juuuuust kidding. There is a really nice girl named.. Lesil (I really hope I got that right) that I work with and she makes things interesting. She is like 20? I dunno I think thats right.
Im really pissed about having to work everyday. Like .. im not gonna lie it sucks. I am so used to tanning and then heading over to Applebee's or Laurel Springs Club and working til like 10 then going and hanging out.. Now.. I have NO tanning time.. and that doesnt make Hart very happy. She likes tanning very much. And going to the lake very very much and thats going to have to be saved for the weekends.. ugh.. not cool. At all. The lake is like my second home. I need it to live. Bluh. I would have gone today but a) its so terribly nasty outside and b)Im leaving at 3 to go on a "date" with Daniel King. .. I dunno if it should be in " "s or not.. it is a date. *smile* Im just unsure in the sincerity of it. We are going somewhere in Dawsonville. I dunno I am just the driver lol.
One word. Luau. Had a Luau at Keith's the other day it was awesome. I shuttled people to the house from their parking space in the McSwain's NAVIGATOR.. umm.. hello.. that thing is so dang nice. Dan and I were having a good time pressing buttons. It has a touch screen like.. radio/satelite/DVDplayer/whatever else in the world it is. It drives like Butta'.. haha its amazing. I did that for the first 1.5 hours of the party all good though it was still hopin when I came in. I ate .. Im pretty sure my body weight. I was starving and hadnt eatin since breakfast.
I need to diet...
but anyways.. the party was good times. Water slide is scrumtrulessant, food was yummy, lots of pictures taken..umm hello what else?, hot tub was yummy, bowling was fun, drew came late, and it was just a lot of fun. ALL AROUND GOOD TIMES.
Here is why I like my journal.. cuz I can say what I want then urge you not to read if you are gonna go all dramatic on me... ahhhhh yes.. where I start just typing.. and then regret it later because someone gets pouty about it.. deal. I dont care.
So im still a little uhh at the fact that my Lil One seems as if she could care less that I am home. Seen her.. 2 times? 3 times? Been home 3 weeks or more. Yeah we have all summer.. but.. thats only 13 more weeks.. thats.. not a lot. Wish she could realize that.
You know what feeling I hate the most? The feeling that you care more or put more into a friendship or relationship than whoever that other person is. C'mon pride aside we've all had that happen more than once. Well it seems to be thrown in my face by several different people lately. Its so not cool at all. Irony im facing at this moment? The fact that there is one friend I have that for a LONG time I felt like I was the only one who cared and felt like I was the one who cared more about our friendship.. irony: because I felt that way I lost a little JUST A LITTLE of that ferver and now.. they seem to care more than me...? Innnnteresting, I wont lie. Funny that life works that way. Sucks.. but timing is so screwy these days.
I never had much of it to begin with but it just seems that lately my timing is TERRIBLE with a capital TUH..(joke used previously in journal I am aware and will refrain from using it again.. thanks). Seems like I cant get anything right. Now I know that it is all God's timing so my timing really ISNT off.. but its just funny to know that right now EVERYTHING WITH MY TIMING IS SHOT.. but it will be fun to see how later I will be like "Oh haha.. no it wasnt! silly girl!".. but since that time has yet to come I thinkI will sit and.. tell you about how at this moment my timing is off. I got a beautiful job that pays like a champ but now I have no time for anything else during the day and I dont want to go all summer not being able to see my close friends ive waited all my fresh. year to see.. ya know? Wonder how timing is going to play that out. You know I spilled my heart and feelings out to someone and I swear I couldnt have had WORSE timing.. to be honest it might win the "WRONG FRICKING TIMING YOU MORON SCREWUP!" award but its still up in the air. Funniest thing.. I knew when I did it.. there was no room for a response to be returned (all due to timing) BUT I got one.. its just strange because the response I got.. really wasnt a response at all.... and NOW that the whole thing is being played out.. and NOW that it is a time where I could actually GET a response.. its as if that whole period in time.. that WHOLE day NEVER happened. What the? I dunno but im hoping timing comes out at least a skotch in my favor because honestly.. my patience, self control, feelings, restless thoughts, being there for you, giving you advice even when I cant handle it sometimes, waiting for something--ANYTHING.. has REALLY been put to the test... and I have yet to fail. haha one day ill just snap. jk.. but that would be hot yeah?
I always seem to do this though you know? Chatted it up with Kathryn.. and I am always giving advice to the object of my affection. What does that make me? I mean.. advice untanted and unbias... how I am able to do that I am SOOO unsure but I do and its DARN good advice too. Example(putting myself out there so back off lol): The whole Emily and Dan situation. Liked Dan a whoooooooole mess of a lot... BUT he always came to me for advice about anything with Emily. And I always gave him really helpful advice. Its not just because I love Emily.. hehe because BOY DO I EVER.. but I would have done it even if I didnt like Ems. What does that mean about me? Any ideas?? Comment if you got one cuz I got nothing. Anyways I am in that same situation rightnow and I am not saying I dont appreciate it because I will be whatever you want me to be... but... its hard sometimes. ANYHOO... sob sob wha wha whine whine..
On to my family life.. which by the way.. not to toot my own horn but I am doing a hella job being a good kid. Dunno where it came from but I am going above and beyond my normal self. Im proud of myself.
Went to 722 the other night and God ... Frickin SLAPPED ME SILLY. He revealed something to me.. oh heck yes he did.. something I had been waiting a LONG LONG time to hear... been praying a long long time about this one.. and he told me that.. Yes. and I was like "What!? When!?" and he was all "Maybe soon.. maybe not soon at all.. but.. Yes" .. So I am all about praying about it and what not. All I know is that God rocks.. and Where he needs me I will go. Wherever, whenever. I am here Lord, send me.
Alright well.. other than that Ive been working out trying to loose some weight. Cleaning my room and doing some changes cuz it is a DISASTER AREA... and it needs to be ready to rock n' roll by June 9th .. oh heck yes. Aubrey comes to visit. I feel badly for her though you know... I mean.. Pennsylvania is going to look so shabby after she comes here... its like.. someone might want to keep an eye on her when she goes back or else im pretty sure she will try to run away. muwahahaha kidding (but not really)
Spent the night at Kathryn's last night hahahaha it was like old times. We say we like how things go back to they should in the summer. haha. I come over in my grundge to find her in the same and we chill and be lazy and eat and watch movies. I rented SAW.. holy piss. scariest movie of my life. Not really but close! It was intense! haha "I cant focus! Im sweaty, my knees are swollen, and im upset!" haha... guess whats what happens when I get really scared...? Haha but we were laid out on her couch laying oposite ways and clutching each others legs haha. we're morons. Haha I was scared by the pictures that were thrown up while the DVD waited for you to press play SO much that I ran into the bathroom where.. kathryn was peeing and layed on the floor lol. haha it was funny but not really at the same time. Anyways.. Adam and Lawrence need to work on their acting we decided but all around decent movie. haha then I spent the night and she left me this morning.. with a note awwww. haha We're losers and its great.
I want to go to the lake.. right.. now. The beast (my baby. my wave runner) is YELLING at me. I know hunny I hear you.. in due time we will have our moments together again... aww its sad really.
Mmmm I love getting things off my mind. Mmmmyes. Wonderful. Alright well.. breakfast then getting ready for my date-a-roo.
Splendid to have typed to you all, we shall do this again sometime... SOON!