It's In The Stars
for the first time in a while i actually read my horoscope and it was right. it said something about clearing my mind of the past before getting into a new situation or relationship. i haven't gotten into a relationship since jessie and it because i don't want what's happened before to happen again. nick was right when he said i couldn't get a guy that wouldn't cheat on me, but hopefully that is all going to change. and i don't want to hurt someone like i hurt jessie it wasn't fair to her she deserved better than me. i'm gonna try my hardest to change into the type of person who can not only get into a decent relationship or keep it. i want love, need it with all the force i have, and hopefully the changes i've went through lately will make that occur. going through my past relationships in my mind is something that scares me. at first it was okay, even though none of the relationships were very long, and then i got to the bad relationships and cried so hard it hurt. i gave my heart to those guys and they broke my heart into tiny pieces. then the few good relationships i've had since then haven't worked because i was afraid of getting hurt again. once the relationship or my feelings got too serious i packed my bags and ran. i looked for any excuse i could and used it. i'm going to try to open up my heart again and hopefully it works, if not i don't know what will happen.