feeling my age
So, I’m back on the dating horse. She’s an ornery bitch but I think I can take her, or at least enjoy the ride. Anybody who has every read any of my dating screeds will have surmised that I am not into younger men. I dipped my toe in that cold shallow pool and decided it’s not for me, some time ago. I even posted on my dating site a carefully crafted explanation of my feelings on the subject. Just this very afternoon I was checking my email on said site when this IM pops up, from a very young man, 27….
Him : wow your hot.
Me: Thank you, (before I can type out my next sentence he sends the next one)
Him: i am ( name withheld) nice to meet you
Me: Nice to meet you as well. You seem like a nice guy, but you are way too young for me. So thank you for the compliments and good luck.
Him: you so are not too old
Me: eye roll, about to close window, when this gem pops up.
Him: dating me you would feel young again
WTF!!!!!?
Hey, let’s just set the record straight. You have contacted me. You have told me that “wow your HOT” Not the other way around. It does not take a scholar to see from your inept approach that this might be the first time you’ve been to the Rodeo, so let me explain. NO ONE IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD has been flattered by the idea that they are a mercy f#*&. Trust me, in the case of sex partners and love in general, experience, skill and intellect are much more valuable then, speed, false bravado and ability to ejaculate more than once a night.
I am a fine bottle of wine, a wheel of French cheese, I am not just getting older I am ageing, ripening, becoming more succulent, more spreadable, more perfect. My time is precious and finite.
So if you wish to enter the Temple, even in your untried youth, then cast aside your foolish posturing. Come before the gates with lustful reverence, anointed and bearing gifts. Then and only then will the gates open and the inner sanctum revealed. When you must rise and take your leave, do so gently with grace and soothing manner. Close the gates behind you with care, for even if you are never to rest there again, it is always best to have your name kept within honeyed lips.