Alarmist Party: Monster Edition

[harpsi_fizz]

This Party Post is for complaining, griping, and worrying about the mass extinction of monsters. Yes, if challenged, I have three "silver linings" to this phenomenon. Yes, I am fully ready to hear it if "No, Harp, see, Isaac Marion wrote a comedy/actually does it right/wrote something good so give it a chance/be lol-trollin" and even abandon my

Comments

[madderbrad]

Never before seen in nature: Harp is about to pay a compliment to Ron/Hermione.

*faints*

Not that she would; they're very good friends and her wife Luna (or Lavender) agreed to be surrogate for his and Draco's baby.

*faints again*

[harpsi_fizz]

You was not supposed to see that, you know. But, but, but see the above statement.

Also, I have many, many more nice things to say about Harry/Hermione.

Also, assume that Hermione/Lavender takes place in a reality where with his last breath after killing Voldemort, Harry says to Hermione "If you truly love me, you will find another and learn to find a new happiness; only then can my soul rest in peace" (with a lot more hacking and gasping).

Also, I know, I know but it's not like I ship them or nothin'; don't worry, my Ron boat only docks in Draco Harbor. (Or Lucius, or Luna, or Lavender, or Rosmerta, or Narcissa, or Pansy, or Lucius and Narcissa together but not as just some one-night or sex-buddy thing, but as a true, loving, committed OT3 because that's nice).
And not that you ask, but Pansy, Padma Patil, Luna, Lavender Brown, Minerva, Harry, Neville-later-in-life, Gilderoy Lockheart but not as a sexual thing only as an assisted living thing when she's in her 20's; these are my Hermione ships

[nobleplatypus]

Thread-hopping, but. BUT. Thank heaven for someone else who thinks Ron/Hermione is REDONK. >_> I avoid the HP fandom like my sanity depends on it (as it probably does), but I have never really bought R/H as a realistic ship and I really resented the epilogue for pretty much doing NOTHING but cramming those dumb canon ships down my throat. Like, yes, JKR, I get it. I don't buy it, but I GET IT OKAY. STAHP.

[harpsi_fizz]

Oh, R/Hr drove me into a horrific rage back in the fandom days. I could (and probably did) write a doctoral thesis on all the things wrong with that ship. Did you know there's even a term we learned in Psyche class for what they have? It's called "fatal attraction". The complete theory* is this: Two opposites are attracted by their differences alone. Eventually, what attracted them to one-another ("A's such a free spirit!" "B is so grounded!") is what drives them crazy ("FFS, would you light somewhere?" "You're such a stick in the mud"). With no common interests to hold them, they eventually fall apart

[nobleplatypus]

EXACTLY.

I sort of feel like JKR was trying to emulate Beatrice and Benedict from "Much Ado About Nothing" with the whole, "Look, they bicker! It's because they're in loooove!" thing. Except in "Much Ado," they're both adults and it's implied that they actually used to get along fairly well and then had a falling out. The bickering is like a coping mechanism, because they're both hurt and don't want to admit it.

Whereas in HP, there's never any kind of hint or inkling that Ron and Hermione are capable of anything but bickering. That is all they've ever done since they met. Sure, they care about each other, and if one gets hurt the other gets upset about it--that makes sense, because they're friends, and you'd have to be pretty callous to not care that your friend is in the hospital wing--but that's not enough to sustain a romantic relationship when they pretty much have nothing else in common

[harpsi_fizz]

I could have done without all the "this person married that one" stuff, too. Who knows why JK had to obsessively pair everyone up and go on and on about it in the interviews. Whatever her reason, the One Big Happy Weasley Family thing gained an extremely profile-able rabid following- again, all three words required to fit the definition. Without fail, every single one of them had one thing in common- the crippling, life-threatening fear of singularity. I learned first-hand that implying that someone was dateless that night or wishing eternal bachelor/ette status on someone was literally, I mean literally the equivalent of giving someone the finger to them. Seriously, one of them, Daksian, admitted it to me. He explained that he was journal-stalking me because I told someone from his camp that I didn't care what they thought because they were probably using the forum because their rudeness condemned them to a friendless, family-less life dying alone. Thing is, I didn't even mean it as an insult any more than I'd say "you're just saying

[theidolhands]

I'm not a hardcore fan, but my family was and I did see the films.

I agree with your feelings on this (and not because I disliked either character). I actually thought Harry and Hermione were better, not that I needed that to happen, but I'd fantasize about how powerful they would be together and elements would vaguely remind me of his parents.

[harpsi_fizz]

I friggin love power couples like that. People who get along and laugh. Peanut butter and chocolate.

And personally, Ron is my favorite, and I really think he needs to be with someone who won't go "oh, here, just let me do it; you always mess things up". He needs a Harry/Hermione relationship, not a Ron/Babysitter one. To this day, the whole fandom treats ron like the big emotional goof along for the ride just for the sake of old times, and I hate that. Seriously hate it. Don't know if JK intended for this to happen, but she accidentally revealed a lot about Ron through throw-away scenes that you have to collect and put together. For example, how he's always piling up on food at Hogwarts. Everyone in the fandom laughs about it, I'm like "Yeah, well, he comes from a big family; he's probably hard wired to associate group eating with "get all you can, fast, or there won't be any left".

[theidolhands]

Speaking as a person who grew up poor, you nailed it.

And again, I agree 100% on your relationship assessment.