[RP] Bad Romance pt 29
(180-190)Almost to 200 folks!~
KANDA ANGST *GASP* that he very decidedly doesn't angst too much over...
"You're asking the wrong person." It might have been a little clipped, a little cold, "Hell--I'm not even sure /Bak/ knows all of it, and even if he /did/ he wouldn't tell you. It's against the rules--don'tcha know." Then she added, for good measure, "And if Bak doesn't know then that sure as hell means you're never going to. No offense but we all have things we hide. It'd do no good to shove." She heard the intake of breath--but she had expected the disappointment, "As for when? It depends. If Miranda can hurry up and find Chome then we can see if /she/ can do anything. IF not then we're stuck with Bak. Or heaven forbid--calling Tiedoll down here. But we won't until he--" She stopped, "Nope definitely not. Hell no. Okay yeah so it's up to Bak-the idiot. At least that's something he's good at."
Then she took a step out into the hall, and swiveled around, "if you hear screaming don't be alarmed please." And slammed the door.
Lavi frowned, and looked down at his hands, and - /why/ was his lip trembling? Oh -/Hell/ no, he was /not/ going to cry. Not in front of Sheryl. Not even if he was /alone/.
"S-shit...why-" He cut himself off. 'Why' what? Why hadn't Kanda said anything to him about this? Why /had/ Fou said what she did...like /that/? Why was he always left in the dark? Why-
There were far too many questions he wanted answered, for him to ask just one.
Sheryl watched Lavi's expression turn from shock, to fear, to hurt, to--now the boy's hands were trembling (ever so slightly) and he looked almost like he wanted to /cry/ but--
"Lavi." The boy jolted but didn't look up at him, "...you--are you--" he shifted a little and sat down on the bed, "...Why what?" Because at the very least he could get the boy to make the words come out.
And it almost reminded him of Tokusa. Of Tyki. Of sentences starting with 'why' and never ending--it was a horrible question. A vague one.
It needed to have more to it, so he repeated, "Why what?"
"I..." Lavi sighed, and finally looked up, meeting Sheryl's clear, concerned gaze, with his own wavering, pained one. "I..don't know. Too many questions."
He shook his head, then sighed again, averting his eye. "Why did Fou have to...word it like that? Why didn't Yuu say anything t'me? Why is he /still/ hiding things, after I fucking /showed him my eye/? If that's not 'trust', then I don't fuckin' know what /is/. So...why doesn't he /trust/ me? Why does he - according to Fou - trust Bak /more/ than me?"
"It...hurts, Sheryl. It hurts a lot, an' I dunno why. So...there's another 'why'."
Sheryl tightened his hold on the boy's shoulder, "I...won't pretend I know the boy--goodness he's hard to know." He couldn't pretend to keep the airy tone either so he dropped it in light for...helping. "Why she had to word it like that--it is rather insensitive, though sometimes...bluntness can be an easier form to take than glossing it over." he watched the boy choke just a little and moved his hand to his back, stroking it in a way he hoped helped, "Lovey you--" he saw his eyepatch, he could put two and two together, "sometimes...it doesn't have anything to do with trust. And Bak--we--may find that out when we see him but, Lovey," and in a rare act he surprised himself with, he pulled the boy just a little closer. Just a little.
He couldn't blame the boy for it hurting. He couldn't--because the boy probably didn't even realize how deep his words should have been before, when he had said he didn't care about him that much. When he had said--
"It almost reminds me of when Tyki wouldn't trust me." He felt the boy stiffen, "Though that's--not something he's willing to admit yet."
He turned to look at the boy, who was looking at him curiously --but he could see the tears, "and not something I--Lovey we all have them. Maybe Kanda...doesn't realize it. Maybe it's something that--" he sighed. It was hopeless trying to explain, "You can ask once we see him. If you want. If that makes things better. But it's okay for it to hurt. It's okay." and when he touched the boy's face (first the eye patch, then the side of his face) he half expected the boy to flinch away--and he nearly did---nearly but forced himself not to.
"You can cry. I won't think anything lesser of you if you do."
Lavi blinked, slowly digesting everything Sheryl had said, and then...he shook his head, but not enough to dislodge Sheryl's hand. Which...made him blush. Again. But he chose to ignore it.
"....nah. I'm not gunna ask him. He...won't tell me, I already know that. I'd just be settin' myself up for disappointment, so..." He trailed off, averting his eye.
"An' I'm not gunna cry. I don't like t'cry when I'm /alone/, let alone in public - no offence, Sheryl. I mean....I won't even cry in front of /Yuu/. Or, well - I did, once, but I was drunk. So. It doesn't count."
But even as he said that, he knew - he already was. Crying. Silently, but, the tears were already streaming down, if only on the one side.
And he hated himself for it.
Sheryl's eyes narrowed and he sighed, /he really has to stop lying to himself/. But he didn't say that out loud, no. Of course he wouldn't. He just sat there, hand against the boy's cheek--catching whatever tears hit, and--
"Lovey," A choked sob, it sounded forced, and the boy looked horrified, "Lovey, Lovey," he tried to wipe the tears away as they fell, but that just made them fall faster and he was vaguely reminded of Tyki then--then when he had screwed, when they had /nothing/ when they--
So he tangled a hand in the boy's hair and pulled him forward, closer, though the boy was stiff--refusing the contact, it only made him boy his head, so he moved that hand to the boy's back and rubbed.
"/Sometime's crying is the best./" The boy froze for about half a second at his foreign tongue, "I told Tyki that numerous times. Not surprising he didn't listen till the last minute."
Didn't everyone? Anyone?
"We just need to wait."
and the boy started to cry again.
(BAK AND KANDA (and FOU AND CHOME) )
"Kanda...?" Bak said the boy's name slowly, reaching a hand out to brush the stray hair from his face. He could almost /feel/ the panic attack coming on...and he wanted to stop it before it began. Not that he thought he necessarily /could/, but...
"Kanda, are you alright?" He saw the other's eyes flash momentarily, but then they were hazy again, unfocused. Bak sighed. This wasn't going to be easy...
The room was still spinning--fading out--going to---rooms with walls, lavender, dark--black almost but /not/ and he could almost smell that sickening perfume. That honey--it always made his skin crawl. Always made him feel sick.
But then he felt a hand near his face--in his hair--stroking...he almost thought it was her--but it smelled like soap--soap--soap and he could see the face--the blond hair and maybe that was the biggest shock.
He keeled forward and immediately that hand went to his back.
And then a door slammed open
(Fou)
"Where is he?" She was almost too thankful that the girl volunteered on Sundays, almost too grateful because hardly anyone ever did--if at all--and--
"he's in the testing room."
"With who?"
"Who else?"
"Bak-chan?" Fou simply nodded, "Great--hopefully I won't be needed but--" They reached the door and heard the retching sound before they even got it open.
But when they did--they saw him--Bak leaning next Kanda--the princess--lovely hair splayed everywhere. Picturesque of comfort and--Bak's hands were on his back, rubbing in the places Fou couldn't even begin to name the comfort--the--the reasons--the--
"Oh no..." Chome stumbled forward a few steps, and then--brightly--"Ka-nda! It's me." He barely looked up. Barley seemed to recognize, but there was that flahs again, and he leaned just a little on Bak. Just a little more.
"That's right. Good. Good. Come on let's take you somewhere else--" they both turned to Miranda--"Call it--/Call it/--Head I--Head I--"
The brunette nodded and stumbled away, to the nearest station and soon they heard her shaky voice over the intercom giving the order. Every patient remain in your rooms. Please.
They didn't want his condition to get worse. They didn't want--they--
"Which hall?" Chome asked, desperate.
"640--C, we'll have to go up the elevators but it's the quietest." She answered just as easily, "He always likes looking outside. Always." Because she at least knew /that/ much right.
It was almost pathetically sad to see Bak like that. To see Kanda like that--to see the worry there, flashing in his eyes.
She knew he was remembering things. Unpleasant things.
/He should just tell him already/ But she knew he wouldn't
"Come on, now, Kanda," Bak whispered soothingly, one hand on his back, the other holding onto one of Kanda's, and he gently pulled the other male up into a standing position. "Let's get you someplace else, okay? Then you can relax."
He lead the Japanese out of the room - Fou following close behind - and down though the hall. Which was perfectly empty, as it should be. Which was very, very good, in this situation.
They entered the elevator, and there was another flash in Kanda's eyes, but it was gone too soon for Bak to identify it. It didn't take too long - they only went up a few floors, after all - and they were stepping out, and leading Kanda to another room. Fou went ahead, and opened the door, as Bak himself was fully occupied with keeping the Asian standing upright.
Once they had him in the bed - above the covers, so as to not make him feel restrained - Bak immediately pulled a chair up, and returned to his task of comfort, this time rubbing Kanda's arm in a soothing motion. He was still so worried.....
Kanda shuddered when he was made to move--stumble through dark hallways it all reminded him of before--before--in the hazy room with lavender walls and he was sure he was going to be sick again--but then the floor was moving--that--that wasn't--
And again he saw a flash of blond hair--maybe pink this time--around him. But it was gone in an instant when the moving stopped.
but just as quickly--light--there wasn't supposed to be light /there/--and bed-bed-bed there were many beds, and he nearly seized up as the pushed him toward it--no bed please--I don't want to go to bed I don't want--
But they didn't make him go /under/. Over. Just over. but that could still be bad--still be--and a hand gripped his own--stroke, stroke--comfort but--but--
The door closed. But the room was bright--it wasn't bad like being forced in beds at night under covers or--
Then a hand was in his hair, somehow--and he let out a noise--something and--
(Fou)
Fou cringed when she heard the first slightly altered sound--she recognzied it as Japanese, but it was garbeled horribly and--
She had to admit
*Chome was impressive. More than so--when she reached unhindered to the boy's hair and stroked, just a little, "'s Okay Kanda-chan." She hummed, "S' okay." Her eyes met with Bak's as she leaned over the bed--giving the boy zero personal space.
....that was the trigger.
The boy screamed.
Bak's eyes widened with horror, as the scream hit his ears, and he sent Chomesuke a nearly-seething look. But not quite.
Instead, he tightened his grip on Kanda's hand - just slightly, just enough to remind the other of his presence - and spoke.
"Kanda, Kanda it's okay. Shh..." he soothed, stroking his hair slowly, with only the barest amount of pressure. Damnit, why'd she go so close? Now there was no telling when he'd calm down....or how. "Kanda? Can you hear me?"
A males voice--dammit that wasn't helping--because they always--because of his hair--but--it was longer now, wasn't it? He was--and that--
and there wasn't a woman's voice, scolding. Wasn't. He shuddered--something squeezed his hands. It was never hands. Always wrists. That--
Vaguely--the room--it was /bright/ and he remembered a brunette, and a blond--and they were trying to help--and was he scaring them? he--
He didn't want to /scare/ them.
So he breathed--in, out--in, out--
and there was another hand, gripping at his arm, touching his shoulder, but backing away...he could--what was--
He heard muffled voices and then a door closing. and the hand was still stroking through his hair--blond hair not--no one had blond hair that did /this/ to him.
Well yes. But these hands smelled like soap. Not smoke. Not--
They were safe. Maybe. But his throat felt sore and the--apology wouldn't come and--and--
the blond was right over him and he cringed--/no, no, no/ but it was gone again.
Gone--gone--and--
He winced.
Then--then--something brushed across his forehead--
Then Calm.
Bak thought he'd seen a flash of recognition in the other's eyes, but he couldn't be sure. He /could/, however, keep talking - keep trying to comfort the younger man, until he'd be okay. And Kanda /would/ be okay, Bak would make sure of it.
"Chomesuke, make sure to give him space," he whispered to the young woman, who nodded. "He can't handle extreme proximity, not right now."
Then, to Kanda- "Are you alright now? Kanda....do you know who I am? You know me, right?" The Japanese looked up at him with hazy eyes, and Bak smiled reassuringly, warmly. Too warmly for someone who shouldn't really care.
Chome watched the smile and for half a second she thought Fou was right. Right about Bak saying things that needed to be said--about taking that step and just...saying they needed to be together.
But then she mentally slapped herself. Of course not. /Of course not/. Kanda wasn't ready for that. Bak wasn't--couldn't Fou see?
"Kan-da~" she sing-songed and immediately the dark eyes fell on her, horribly dilated and unfocused but still at her, "how are you...feeling? We're--we're in a bright room, see?" She waved towards the huge window. They had purposely chosen the last room on the hall--the one with the biggest window, where you could look out and see the trees and the small little courtyard.
Kanda seemed to lighten at that--body relaxing, if not only marginally, "Want me to open the window? I can--y'know. Let some fresh air in." She looked towards Bak, who looked at Kanda and--/again/ it was there. It was really--so sweet.
But it wasn't what Fou said it was. It was just her wishful thinking. Just friends--guys could be friends. Guys didn't have to /touch/ and /touch/ and tell each other /stop/ in public--it wasn't like--
She shook the memories away. Sure she hadn't meant to but--
Some people just needed comfort. Friendship. Love--but of the soft variety. No hidden passion, agendas--
She skipped over to the window and unlatched at the hesitant nod, "See? It's nice and warm out now." When it wasn't--really. Well, it was getting /warmer/ but not quite. "You like that don't you? Would you like something to drink now?" He had always been fond of drinking something after these bouts--and the nod she received was ecstatic, "Okay then--what would you like?"
He whispered a word she didn't quite catch, but knew that--and repeated. For her sake. She felt her lips twitch--/apple/--"Apple juice? Okay. I'll get you some."
And she turned towards the door which Fou had gone out of--she could never stand the screaming (she never understood that either) but she was taking things too far, and it was her own fault.
/Don't ask questions. only watch/
It was the best thing.
/Don't tell either./ But she ignored that bit, and smiled at Fou who was busily
scribbling away on her clipboard. On pieces of paper, "He wants juice." She said matter-of-factly.
"Then get him juice."
"Okay then."
So she did.
Bak watched as Chomesuke left the room to get Kanda's juice, and sighed softly, shaking his head. He'd /seen/ that look, even if it had barely been there for more than a split-second. She was doing the same thing Fou always did - thinking things, /seeing/ things. That. Were. Not. There.
....were they?
Fou had been right before, when he'd adamantly denied...things. But...this? There was no way. Kanda was his /patient/, damnit. And well, yes, his friend. Maybe. At least, Bak saw him as one. But...there was /no/ way he....felt 'something'...for him. No way. Was there?
He sighed again, then forced a smile on his face, not wanting to worry Kanda by...seeming all serious-like. It wouldn't be good for him, not while he was finally starting to calm down, and regain his senses. And so, he brightened his smile just a little bit more - 'This is why I swore I'd never touch that shit again...' - and looked down at Kanda. Who was already looking back at him.
Shit.
"Would you like to go sit by the window?" he asked softly, aiming for a distraction. Then again, there was still the chance that he didn't exactly /need/ one, but...there was also the possibility that Kanda had seen, and picked up on his somber mood. And he didn't want that. Not right now.
Kanda frowned, just a little--the blond was...what was it? Sad? But /why/ and--he tried to sit up, and immediately the hand went to the shoulder, helping him, just a little--and it seemed with each struggle, with each lifting limb--he was breaking the surface. He could feel his hair tickle his skin--it was longer now--much longer--and the bed wasn't navy blue as it always seemed to be, it was white--stark white and--really, it was quite easy, when the blond helped him set his feet on the ground. Solid ground. He was taller than him too.
That was easy to see. With the smell of soap and vanilla--sharp, cleanliness--it was easy to know. here wasn't then. Then wasn't now.
And when he took the first startled steps across the cold linoleum floor--he snapped out of it. With each little step until he reached the window and inhaled. He recognized the courtyard, the small pathways made of cobblestone and brick. He'd played out there numerous times. Numerous. But that was then, and this was now.
And he snapped out of it. Just like that--with a slight uptilt to his lips as he stared at Bak through the reflection in the mirror.
"You're a horrible fucking liar." He stated matter-of-factly, and relished in that flinch. In that look but--"Guess it doesn't fucking matter now though, does it? I'm thirsty."
Bak smiled just a little bit wider, and-
"Well...you got me. But - can you really blame me? This time, at least? I didn't want to worry you, when you were in that state..." Kanda glared, and Bak shrugged, averting his gaze.
"Besides...do you know /how/ many times /you've/ said you're fine, when you obviously weren't? Like right now, for instance. Which....I took a blood sample, by the way."
And judging by the expression on Kanda's face, maybe he /shouldn't/ have said that when he was within smacking-distance. So, a distraction.
"Uh...Chomesuke's bringing you juice?"
(CHOMESUKE-SHERYL-LAVI)
Chomesuke hummed lightly to herself, as she walked down the hall, back towards the lobby--then to the elevator--/Maybe he'll snap out of it when I get back?/ She could be hopeful right?
Because if he did then she'd apologize. She hadn't /meant/ to scare him like that. She hadn't meant--
Her eyes widened when she saw--wait wasn't that Mr. Kamelot? One of the people Fou had said came with them? She slowed her steps to a near halt as the man continued to walk (apparently he had been...in the bathroom?) then he turned and walked in through the door that the redhead had been placed in--wait--wait...maybe...just maybe--
She could tell them Kanda snapped out of it couldn't she? She sped up a little more and said a little louder, "Mr. Kamelot?" The man froze and she heard a voice cut off from in the room--it must be the redhead!--
He turned to her, "yes?"
"Um...er, you came here with Kanda right?" she heard an intake of breath come from the room when she got closer. The man nodded his head, looking pensive, "Well--I just wanted to tell you--he's...feeling better. Um, it didn't last
*as long as we thought it would. You might be able to even SEE him in a few minutes, if you want to go ahead and come up with me so I can ask?" The man's eyes widened, but that wasn't who she paid attention to next. He had the door still oepn and when she looked in she saw a bright head of redhair--and a boy with an eyepatch sitting on the bed.
/He must be Lavi/
And he looked like he had been crying. She could tell even moreso when he spoke, words just a bit watery, but more composed than she expected for someone so...young. Not that age had much of anything to do with composure anymore.
"He's....okay? You mean, he's 'woken up', or whatever it is you people call it?" Lavi’s eye was wide - slightly surprised, and slightly wary. If Yuu was okay now, then that surely meant he could see him. Right?
"I'll come with you," he said then, nodding. "I want to see Yuu - to see with my own eye, that he's okay now. Is he still throwing up, or...?"
Admittedly, Lavi /was/ still quite worried. If Kanda /was/ still throwing up, then that meant something. Was. Seriously. Wrong.
And that was never good.
Besides, knowing Yuu, there was a chance he’d /refuse/ treatment. Especially if Lavi wasn’t there to convince him. The redhead sighed. Bak better have found a way around any fight Kanda may have put up. But, he’d have to wait and see.
Chome nodded her head and held up the cup of juice, "Yup, I'm bringing this to him, as a wake-me up. And...no I don't think he is--throwing up I mean. We'll have to see when we get there. I kinda left almost immediately, since Bak seemed to do the trick." She deflated a little and sighed, "BUt yeah you can--just--you might have to wait out in the hall--since he was still a little dazed before." She gave him a hopeful smile, "THOUGH you have broken ribs, right?" She looked over at the long haired man--"You'll have to carry him."
"I know." the man stated point blank--ooh, impressive, "I don't mind--I had to carry him in here after all."
"Yeah but it's a ways...um, well there IS a bench outside the room that's got cushions on it." She pondered for a moment, "If you want a bed-on-wheels then feel free to ask I can get Miranda to bring ya one. Though if you think you'll be fine then..." she trailed off as they exchanged a look, "We can go now? Again you might have to wait, but..."
"I should be fine to walk," Lavi piped up stubbornly. Damnit, this was /not/ going to get him down. Not...that he didn't /like/ when Sheryl carried him - the guy smelled nice, okay? - because he did. But he was /not/ going to admit that.
To prove his point, he shifted a leg out of the bed - slwoly, mind - and set his foot down on the floor. Pleased with himself, he grinned victoriously, and slid the other leg out. And then, he stood up.
....and promptly fell over.
Chome raised an eyebrow at that, "Oh really?" Uhuh, right, of course, "Mr. Kamelot I think you really /will/ have to carry him."
The man let out his own chuckle, "Yes I definitely will--now, now, Lovey," Chome raised a silent eyebrow at that but said nothing, "don't try to put up a strong front now, okay? You want to be in as little pain as possible when you see him, right?" The redhead flushed but nodded--cringing only slightly when the man---ohhh...
She saw where those hands went. It almost reminded her of--She let out a giggle, and they both jumped, "Ah--sorry, sorry, you just suddenly reminded me of my neighbors. Kinda. Are you ready though?" She wouldn't mention it again if it bothered them--she had seen enough already and Fou HAD said those two seemed...flirtatiously close. Something she'd /oh so definitely/ seen too much of.
Sheryl managed to pick Lavi the rest of the way up without any issues (except for the boy squirming, and him whispering /hush/ because the boy wouldn't stop and it seemed to work) and soon they were walking down the hall towards a set of elevators.
*Lavi had put up a bit of a fuss - grumbling under his breath, and squirming - until Sheryl had uttered that one soft command to stop, and he did.
And so, they were on their way - down the hall, into the elevator, up, up, up, and then out, into another hallway. The closer - he assumed - they got, the more anxious Lavi felt, and he unconsciously started squirming again.
What if Yuu had another episode before they got there? What if Bak couldn't calm him down this time? What if-
There were too many 'what ifs' , for him to dwell on, and even he knew it wasn't healthy to over-worry without reason.
They were reaching the end of the hall now, and as they got closer, they slowed down, and Lavi could hear yelling. One of the voices belonged to Kanda, and the redhead let out a heavy sigh of relief.
And just then, before anyone could say /anything/, Fou came rushing back out of the room to greet them.
The following message could not be delivered to all recipients:
"Ah--Fou?" Chome's eyes widened when she saw the pink haired nurse rush out of the room lips twitching, "What's wrong...?"
"Took you long enough." Her eyes snapped to Sheryl and Lavi (Sheryl who had found the cushioned bench and was laying Lavi on it, "Nothing's really /wrong/ persay just--" And now her lips were twitching to form an all out smirk, "They're having a lover's quarrel again," Chome didn't miss the look on the redhead's voice--turning slightly pained at the word. Slightly confused--she sighed.
"Would you /stop/ calling them that?" She sighed and rolled her eyes, earning a frown from the pink haired nurse, "You're lightyears ahead with your head in the clouds--Miss. Fou." She made sure to keep her tone light for it--after all the last thing she wanted was /Fou/ being mad at her, "But anyway--what were they fighting over?"
Fou's scowl lightened just a little and she sighed, "The blood test, what else? Kanda's mad that he actually took it. I mean one of the nurses took it to the back to get it tested--knowing Bak and Kanda's record we'll have it back from 12 to 24
* hours from now. But still--he's pissed as hell, so if you're going to go in there I say be careful." She cast another glance at Lavi and Sheryl on the bench, before looking back at her and the juice in her hand. It was silent--but she saw the emotion in there.
"Well I got Kanda juice so of course I"m going in there!" she smiled and pushed past her--stepping through the door and--
Oh.
KANDA ANGST *GASP* that he very decidedly doesn't angst too much over...
"You're asking the wrong person." It might have been a little clipped, a little cold, "Hell--I'm not even sure /Bak/ knows all of it, and even if he /did/ he wouldn't tell you. It's against the rules--don'tcha know." Then she added, for good measure, "And if Bak doesn't know then that sure as hell means you're never going to. No offense but we all have things we hide. It'd do no good to shove." She heard the intake of breath--but she had expected the disappointment, "As for when? It depends. If Miranda can hurry up and find Chome then we can see if /she/ can do anything. IF not then we're stuck with Bak. Or heaven forbid--calling Tiedoll down here. But we won't until he--" She stopped, "Nope definitely not. Hell no. Okay yeah so it's up to Bak-the idiot. At least that's something he's good at."
Then she took a step out into the hall, and swiveled around, "if you hear screaming don't be alarmed please." And slammed the door.
Lavi frowned, and looked down at his hands, and - /why/ was his lip trembling? Oh -/Hell/ no, he was /not/ going to cry. Not in front of Sheryl. Not even if he was /alone/.
"S-shit...why-" He cut himself off. 'Why' what? Why hadn't Kanda said anything to him about this? Why /had/ Fou said what she did...like /that/? Why was he always left in the dark? Why-
There were far too many questions he wanted answered, for him to ask just one.
Sheryl watched Lavi's expression turn from shock, to fear, to hurt, to--now the boy's hands were trembling (ever so slightly) and he looked almost like he wanted to /cry/ but--
"Lavi." The boy jolted but didn't look up at him, "...you--are you--" he shifted a little and sat down on the bed, "...Why what?" Because at the very least he could get the boy to make the words come out.
And it almost reminded him of Tokusa. Of Tyki. Of sentences starting with 'why' and never ending--it was a horrible question. A vague one.
It needed to have more to it, so he repeated, "Why what?"
"I..." Lavi sighed, and finally looked up, meeting Sheryl's clear, concerned gaze, with his own wavering, pained one. "I..don't know. Too many questions."
He shook his head, then sighed again, averting his eye. "Why did Fou have to...word it like that? Why didn't Yuu say anything t'me? Why is he /still/ hiding things, after I fucking /showed him my eye/? If that's not 'trust', then I don't fuckin' know what /is/. So...why doesn't he /trust/ me? Why does he - according to Fou - trust Bak /more/ than me?"
"It...hurts, Sheryl. It hurts a lot, an' I dunno why. So...there's another 'why'."
Sheryl tightened his hold on the boy's shoulder, "I...won't pretend I know the boy--goodness he's hard to know." He couldn't pretend to keep the airy tone either so he dropped it in light for...helping. "Why she had to word it like that--it is rather insensitive, though sometimes...bluntness can be an easier form to take than glossing it over." he watched the boy choke just a little and moved his hand to his back, stroking it in a way he hoped helped, "Lovey you--" he saw his eyepatch, he could put two and two together, "sometimes...it doesn't have anything to do with trust. And Bak--we--may find that out when we see him but, Lovey," and in a rare act he surprised himself with, he pulled the boy just a little closer. Just a little.
He couldn't blame the boy for it hurting. He couldn't--because the boy probably didn't even realize how deep his words should have been before, when he had said he didn't care about him that much. When he had said--
"It almost reminds me of when Tyki wouldn't trust me." He felt the boy stiffen, "Though that's--not something he's willing to admit yet."
He turned to look at the boy, who was looking at him curiously --but he could see the tears, "and not something I--Lovey we all have them. Maybe Kanda...doesn't realize it. Maybe it's something that--" he sighed. It was hopeless trying to explain, "You can ask once we see him. If you want. If that makes things better. But it's okay for it to hurt. It's okay." and when he touched the boy's face (first the eye patch, then the side of his face) he half expected the boy to flinch away--and he nearly did---nearly but forced himself not to.
"You can cry. I won't think anything lesser of you if you do."
Lavi blinked, slowly digesting everything Sheryl had said, and then...he shook his head, but not enough to dislodge Sheryl's hand. Which...made him blush. Again. But he chose to ignore it.
"....nah. I'm not gunna ask him. He...won't tell me, I already know that. I'd just be settin' myself up for disappointment, so..." He trailed off, averting his eye.
"An' I'm not gunna cry. I don't like t'cry when I'm /alone/, let alone in public - no offence, Sheryl. I mean....I won't even cry in front of /Yuu/. Or, well - I did, once, but I was drunk. So. It doesn't count."
But even as he said that, he knew - he already was. Crying. Silently, but, the tears were already streaming down, if only on the one side.
And he hated himself for it.
Sheryl's eyes narrowed and he sighed, /he really has to stop lying to himself/. But he didn't say that out loud, no. Of course he wouldn't. He just sat there, hand against the boy's cheek--catching whatever tears hit, and--
"Lovey," A choked sob, it sounded forced, and the boy looked horrified, "Lovey, Lovey," he tried to wipe the tears away as they fell, but that just made them fall faster and he was vaguely reminded of Tyki then--then when he had screwed, when they had /nothing/ when they--
So he tangled a hand in the boy's hair and pulled him forward, closer, though the boy was stiff--refusing the contact, it only made him boy his head, so he moved that hand to the boy's back and rubbed.
"/Sometime's crying is the best./" The boy froze for about half a second at his foreign tongue, "I told Tyki that numerous times. Not surprising he didn't listen till the last minute."
Didn't everyone? Anyone?
"We just need to wait."
and the boy started to cry again.
(BAK AND KANDA (and FOU AND CHOME) )
"Kanda...?" Bak said the boy's name slowly, reaching a hand out to brush the stray hair from his face. He could almost /feel/ the panic attack coming on...and he wanted to stop it before it began. Not that he thought he necessarily /could/, but...
"Kanda, are you alright?" He saw the other's eyes flash momentarily, but then they were hazy again, unfocused. Bak sighed. This wasn't going to be easy...
The room was still spinning--fading out--going to---rooms with walls, lavender, dark--black almost but /not/ and he could almost smell that sickening perfume. That honey--it always made his skin crawl. Always made him feel sick.
But then he felt a hand near his face--in his hair--stroking...he almost thought it was her--but it smelled like soap--soap--soap and he could see the face--the blond hair and maybe that was the biggest shock.
He keeled forward and immediately that hand went to his back.
And then a door slammed open
(Fou)
"Where is he?" She was almost too thankful that the girl volunteered on Sundays, almost too grateful because hardly anyone ever did--if at all--and--
"he's in the testing room."
"With who?"
"Who else?"
"Bak-chan?" Fou simply nodded, "Great--hopefully I won't be needed but--" They reached the door and heard the retching sound before they even got it open.
But when they did--they saw him--Bak leaning next Kanda--the princess--lovely hair splayed everywhere. Picturesque of comfort and--Bak's hands were on his back, rubbing in the places Fou couldn't even begin to name the comfort--the--the reasons--the--
"Oh no..." Chome stumbled forward a few steps, and then--brightly--"Ka-nda! It's me." He barely looked up. Barley seemed to recognize, but there was that flahs again, and he leaned just a little on Bak. Just a little more.
"That's right. Good. Good. Come on let's take you somewhere else--" they both turned to Miranda--"Call it--/Call it/--Head I--Head I--"
The brunette nodded and stumbled away, to the nearest station and soon they heard her shaky voice over the intercom giving the order. Every patient remain in your rooms. Please.
They didn't want his condition to get worse. They didn't want--they--
"Which hall?" Chome asked, desperate.
"640--C, we'll have to go up the elevators but it's the quietest." She answered just as easily, "He always likes looking outside. Always." Because she at least knew /that/ much right.
It was almost pathetically sad to see Bak like that. To see Kanda like that--to see the worry there, flashing in his eyes.
She knew he was remembering things. Unpleasant things.
/He should just tell him already/ But she knew he wouldn't
"Come on, now, Kanda," Bak whispered soothingly, one hand on his back, the other holding onto one of Kanda's, and he gently pulled the other male up into a standing position. "Let's get you someplace else, okay? Then you can relax."
He lead the Japanese out of the room - Fou following close behind - and down though the hall. Which was perfectly empty, as it should be. Which was very, very good, in this situation.
They entered the elevator, and there was another flash in Kanda's eyes, but it was gone too soon for Bak to identify it. It didn't take too long - they only went up a few floors, after all - and they were stepping out, and leading Kanda to another room. Fou went ahead, and opened the door, as Bak himself was fully occupied with keeping the Asian standing upright.
Once they had him in the bed - above the covers, so as to not make him feel restrained - Bak immediately pulled a chair up, and returned to his task of comfort, this time rubbing Kanda's arm in a soothing motion. He was still so worried.....
Kanda shuddered when he was made to move--stumble through dark hallways it all reminded him of before--before--in the hazy room with lavender walls and he was sure he was going to be sick again--but then the floor was moving--that--that wasn't--
And again he saw a flash of blond hair--maybe pink this time--around him. But it was gone in an instant when the moving stopped.
but just as quickly--light--there wasn't supposed to be light /there/--and bed-bed-bed there were many beds, and he nearly seized up as the pushed him toward it--no bed please--I don't want to go to bed I don't want--
But they didn't make him go /under/. Over. Just over. but that could still be bad--still be--and a hand gripped his own--stroke, stroke--comfort but--but--
The door closed. But the room was bright--it wasn't bad like being forced in beds at night under covers or--
Then a hand was in his hair, somehow--and he let out a noise--something and--
(Fou)
Fou cringed when she heard the first slightly altered sound--she recognzied it as Japanese, but it was garbeled horribly and--
She had to admit
*Chome was impressive. More than so--when she reached unhindered to the boy's hair and stroked, just a little, "'s Okay Kanda-chan." She hummed, "S' okay." Her eyes met with Bak's as she leaned over the bed--giving the boy zero personal space.
....that was the trigger.
The boy screamed.
Bak's eyes widened with horror, as the scream hit his ears, and he sent Chomesuke a nearly-seething look. But not quite.
Instead, he tightened his grip on Kanda's hand - just slightly, just enough to remind the other of his presence - and spoke.
"Kanda, Kanda it's okay. Shh..." he soothed, stroking his hair slowly, with only the barest amount of pressure. Damnit, why'd she go so close? Now there was no telling when he'd calm down....or how. "Kanda? Can you hear me?"
A males voice--dammit that wasn't helping--because they always--because of his hair--but--it was longer now, wasn't it? He was--and that--
and there wasn't a woman's voice, scolding. Wasn't. He shuddered--something squeezed his hands. It was never hands. Always wrists. That--
Vaguely--the room--it was /bright/ and he remembered a brunette, and a blond--and they were trying to help--and was he scaring them? he--
He didn't want to /scare/ them.
So he breathed--in, out--in, out--
and there was another hand, gripping at his arm, touching his shoulder, but backing away...he could--what was--
He heard muffled voices and then a door closing. and the hand was still stroking through his hair--blond hair not--no one had blond hair that did /this/ to him.
Well yes. But these hands smelled like soap. Not smoke. Not--
They were safe. Maybe. But his throat felt sore and the--apology wouldn't come and--and--
the blond was right over him and he cringed--/no, no, no/ but it was gone again.
Gone--gone--and--
He winced.
Then--then--something brushed across his forehead--
Then Calm.
Bak thought he'd seen a flash of recognition in the other's eyes, but he couldn't be sure. He /could/, however, keep talking - keep trying to comfort the younger man, until he'd be okay. And Kanda /would/ be okay, Bak would make sure of it.
"Chomesuke, make sure to give him space," he whispered to the young woman, who nodded. "He can't handle extreme proximity, not right now."
Then, to Kanda- "Are you alright now? Kanda....do you know who I am? You know me, right?" The Japanese looked up at him with hazy eyes, and Bak smiled reassuringly, warmly. Too warmly for someone who shouldn't really care.
Chome watched the smile and for half a second she thought Fou was right. Right about Bak saying things that needed to be said--about taking that step and just...saying they needed to be together.
But then she mentally slapped herself. Of course not. /Of course not/. Kanda wasn't ready for that. Bak wasn't--couldn't Fou see?
"Kan-da~" she sing-songed and immediately the dark eyes fell on her, horribly dilated and unfocused but still at her, "how are you...feeling? We're--we're in a bright room, see?" She waved towards the huge window. They had purposely chosen the last room on the hall--the one with the biggest window, where you could look out and see the trees and the small little courtyard.
Kanda seemed to lighten at that--body relaxing, if not only marginally, "Want me to open the window? I can--y'know. Let some fresh air in." She looked towards Bak, who looked at Kanda and--/again/ it was there. It was really--so sweet.
But it wasn't what Fou said it was. It was just her wishful thinking. Just friends--guys could be friends. Guys didn't have to /touch/ and /touch/ and tell each other /stop/ in public--it wasn't like--
She shook the memories away. Sure she hadn't meant to but--
Some people just needed comfort. Friendship. Love--but of the soft variety. No hidden passion, agendas--
She skipped over to the window and unlatched at the hesitant nod, "See? It's nice and warm out now." When it wasn't--really. Well, it was getting /warmer/ but not quite. "You like that don't you? Would you like something to drink now?" He had always been fond of drinking something after these bouts--and the nod she received was ecstatic, "Okay then--what would you like?"
He whispered a word she didn't quite catch, but knew that--and repeated. For her sake. She felt her lips twitch--/apple/--"Apple juice? Okay. I'll get you some."
And she turned towards the door which Fou had gone out of--she could never stand the screaming (she never understood that either) but she was taking things too far, and it was her own fault.
/Don't ask questions. only watch/
It was the best thing.
/Don't tell either./ But she ignored that bit, and smiled at Fou who was busily
scribbling away on her clipboard. On pieces of paper, "He wants juice." She said matter-of-factly.
"Then get him juice."
"Okay then."
So she did.
Bak watched as Chomesuke left the room to get Kanda's juice, and sighed softly, shaking his head. He'd /seen/ that look, even if it had barely been there for more than a split-second. She was doing the same thing Fou always did - thinking things, /seeing/ things. That. Were. Not. There.
....were they?
Fou had been right before, when he'd adamantly denied...things. But...this? There was no way. Kanda was his /patient/, damnit. And well, yes, his friend. Maybe. At least, Bak saw him as one. But...there was /no/ way he....felt 'something'...for him. No way. Was there?
He sighed again, then forced a smile on his face, not wanting to worry Kanda by...seeming all serious-like. It wouldn't be good for him, not while he was finally starting to calm down, and regain his senses. And so, he brightened his smile just a little bit more - 'This is why I swore I'd never touch that shit again...' - and looked down at Kanda. Who was already looking back at him.
Shit.
"Would you like to go sit by the window?" he asked softly, aiming for a distraction. Then again, there was still the chance that he didn't exactly /need/ one, but...there was also the possibility that Kanda had seen, and picked up on his somber mood. And he didn't want that. Not right now.
Kanda frowned, just a little--the blond was...what was it? Sad? But /why/ and--he tried to sit up, and immediately the hand went to the shoulder, helping him, just a little--and it seemed with each struggle, with each lifting limb--he was breaking the surface. He could feel his hair tickle his skin--it was longer now--much longer--and the bed wasn't navy blue as it always seemed to be, it was white--stark white and--really, it was quite easy, when the blond helped him set his feet on the ground. Solid ground. He was taller than him too.
That was easy to see. With the smell of soap and vanilla--sharp, cleanliness--it was easy to know. here wasn't then. Then wasn't now.
And when he took the first startled steps across the cold linoleum floor--he snapped out of it. With each little step until he reached the window and inhaled. He recognized the courtyard, the small pathways made of cobblestone and brick. He'd played out there numerous times. Numerous. But that was then, and this was now.
And he snapped out of it. Just like that--with a slight uptilt to his lips as he stared at Bak through the reflection in the mirror.
"You're a horrible fucking liar." He stated matter-of-factly, and relished in that flinch. In that look but--"Guess it doesn't fucking matter now though, does it? I'm thirsty."
Bak smiled just a little bit wider, and-
"Well...you got me. But - can you really blame me? This time, at least? I didn't want to worry you, when you were in that state..." Kanda glared, and Bak shrugged, averting his gaze.
"Besides...do you know /how/ many times /you've/ said you're fine, when you obviously weren't? Like right now, for instance. Which....I took a blood sample, by the way."
And judging by the expression on Kanda's face, maybe he /shouldn't/ have said that when he was within smacking-distance. So, a distraction.
"Uh...Chomesuke's bringing you juice?"
(CHOMESUKE-SHERYL-LAVI)
Chomesuke hummed lightly to herself, as she walked down the hall, back towards the lobby--then to the elevator--/Maybe he'll snap out of it when I get back?/ She could be hopeful right?
Because if he did then she'd apologize. She hadn't /meant/ to scare him like that. She hadn't meant--
Her eyes widened when she saw--wait wasn't that Mr. Kamelot? One of the people Fou had said came with them? She slowed her steps to a near halt as the man continued to walk (apparently he had been...in the bathroom?) then he turned and walked in through the door that the redhead had been placed in--wait--wait...maybe...just maybe--
She could tell them Kanda snapped out of it couldn't she? She sped up a little more and said a little louder, "Mr. Kamelot?" The man froze and she heard a voice cut off from in the room--it must be the redhead!--
He turned to her, "yes?"
"Um...er, you came here with Kanda right?" she heard an intake of breath come from the room when she got closer. The man nodded his head, looking pensive, "Well--I just wanted to tell you--he's...feeling better. Um, it didn't last
*as long as we thought it would. You might be able to even SEE him in a few minutes, if you want to go ahead and come up with me so I can ask?" The man's eyes widened, but that wasn't who she paid attention to next. He had the door still oepn and when she looked in she saw a bright head of redhair--and a boy with an eyepatch sitting on the bed.
/He must be Lavi/
And he looked like he had been crying. She could tell even moreso when he spoke, words just a bit watery, but more composed than she expected for someone so...young. Not that age had much of anything to do with composure anymore.
"He's....okay? You mean, he's 'woken up', or whatever it is you people call it?" Lavi’s eye was wide - slightly surprised, and slightly wary. If Yuu was okay now, then that surely meant he could see him. Right?
"I'll come with you," he said then, nodding. "I want to see Yuu - to see with my own eye, that he's okay now. Is he still throwing up, or...?"
Admittedly, Lavi /was/ still quite worried. If Kanda /was/ still throwing up, then that meant something. Was. Seriously. Wrong.
And that was never good.
Besides, knowing Yuu, there was a chance he’d /refuse/ treatment. Especially if Lavi wasn’t there to convince him. The redhead sighed. Bak better have found a way around any fight Kanda may have put up. But, he’d have to wait and see.
Chome nodded her head and held up the cup of juice, "Yup, I'm bringing this to him, as a wake-me up. And...no I don't think he is--throwing up I mean. We'll have to see when we get there. I kinda left almost immediately, since Bak seemed to do the trick." She deflated a little and sighed, "BUt yeah you can--just--you might have to wait out in the hall--since he was still a little dazed before." She gave him a hopeful smile, "THOUGH you have broken ribs, right?" She looked over at the long haired man--"You'll have to carry him."
"I know." the man stated point blank--ooh, impressive, "I don't mind--I had to carry him in here after all."
"Yeah but it's a ways...um, well there IS a bench outside the room that's got cushions on it." She pondered for a moment, "If you want a bed-on-wheels then feel free to ask I can get Miranda to bring ya one. Though if you think you'll be fine then..." she trailed off as they exchanged a look, "We can go now? Again you might have to wait, but..."
"I should be fine to walk," Lavi piped up stubbornly. Damnit, this was /not/ going to get him down. Not...that he didn't /like/ when Sheryl carried him - the guy smelled nice, okay? - because he did. But he was /not/ going to admit that.
To prove his point, he shifted a leg out of the bed - slwoly, mind - and set his foot down on the floor. Pleased with himself, he grinned victoriously, and slid the other leg out. And then, he stood up.
....and promptly fell over.
Chome raised an eyebrow at that, "Oh really?" Uhuh, right, of course, "Mr. Kamelot I think you really /will/ have to carry him."
The man let out his own chuckle, "Yes I definitely will--now, now, Lovey," Chome raised a silent eyebrow at that but said nothing, "don't try to put up a strong front now, okay? You want to be in as little pain as possible when you see him, right?" The redhead flushed but nodded--cringing only slightly when the man---ohhh...
She saw where those hands went. It almost reminded her of--She let out a giggle, and they both jumped, "Ah--sorry, sorry, you just suddenly reminded me of my neighbors. Kinda. Are you ready though?" She wouldn't mention it again if it bothered them--she had seen enough already and Fou HAD said those two seemed...flirtatiously close. Something she'd /oh so definitely/ seen too much of.
Sheryl managed to pick Lavi the rest of the way up without any issues (except for the boy squirming, and him whispering /hush/ because the boy wouldn't stop and it seemed to work) and soon they were walking down the hall towards a set of elevators.
*Lavi had put up a bit of a fuss - grumbling under his breath, and squirming - until Sheryl had uttered that one soft command to stop, and he did.
And so, they were on their way - down the hall, into the elevator, up, up, up, and then out, into another hallway. The closer - he assumed - they got, the more anxious Lavi felt, and he unconsciously started squirming again.
What if Yuu had another episode before they got there? What if Bak couldn't calm him down this time? What if-
There were too many 'what ifs' , for him to dwell on, and even he knew it wasn't healthy to over-worry without reason.
They were reaching the end of the hall now, and as they got closer, they slowed down, and Lavi could hear yelling. One of the voices belonged to Kanda, and the redhead let out a heavy sigh of relief.
And just then, before anyone could say /anything/, Fou came rushing back out of the room to greet them.
The following message could not be delivered to all recipients:
"Ah--Fou?" Chome's eyes widened when she saw the pink haired nurse rush out of the room lips twitching, "What's wrong...?"
"Took you long enough." Her eyes snapped to Sheryl and Lavi (Sheryl who had found the cushioned bench and was laying Lavi on it, "Nothing's really /wrong/ persay just--" And now her lips were twitching to form an all out smirk, "They're having a lover's quarrel again," Chome didn't miss the look on the redhead's voice--turning slightly pained at the word. Slightly confused--she sighed.
"Would you /stop/ calling them that?" She sighed and rolled her eyes, earning a frown from the pink haired nurse, "You're lightyears ahead with your head in the clouds--Miss. Fou." She made sure to keep her tone light for it--after all the last thing she wanted was /Fou/ being mad at her, "But anyway--what were they fighting over?"
Fou's scowl lightened just a little and she sighed, "The blood test, what else? Kanda's mad that he actually took it. I mean one of the nurses took it to the back to get it tested--knowing Bak and Kanda's record we'll have it back from 12 to 24
* hours from now. But still--he's pissed as hell, so if you're going to go in there I say be careful." She cast another glance at Lavi and Sheryl on the bench, before looking back at her and the juice in her hand. It was silent--but she saw the emotion in there.
"Well I got Kanda juice so of course I"m going in there!" she smiled and pushed past her--stepping through the door and--
Oh.