101.3
Slowly focusing in and out.
I've been challenging myself to keep my attention, but this fever keeps sweeping me in.
I don't know how it came...maybe it was from being around little kids yesterday. Maybe it's just the inevitable sickness that comes after a depression. I have finally been feeling more normal physically (and finally emotionally) just within the last couple of days, so naturally something had to come stir shit up again.
I got to visit my niece and her family yesterday. It was...wow... True suburbia, but not really scary. Just that sort of so far away that would make me feel like a rat in a cage if I lived out there.
My niece is almost nine, give her 'till March, and I hadn't seen her since she was perhaps five.
Her parents, who adopted her, hadn't let my family visit in some time...well...not my sister anyway, so I wouldn't go either. It's a long, twisted story, but now that our family is safe and normal enough we have been visiting, all but busy me.
I remember teaching her about dinosaurs when she was three, and Audrey (sis) and I taught her how to stick out her tongue at people.
These days she's got the same gorgeous, gigantic eyes, loves to plow through books with them, and is a sweet older sister who doesn't care to be bossy.
Her parents had a children of their own, using birth inducing hormones, and so Madeline has a little sister, two years younger than her...and three triplet little brothers, all not even two.
Birth drugs = yikes...
Still, they're very nice people, a comfortable, reasuring nice. The practical "we're just bracing for when the boys learn about rockets" kind of people.
The kids have plenty of space to stretch out and be mischievous.
Hmph...I want to play with rockets...
My holiday has been going well. I mean, aside from being sick now.
I've gotten to spend more time with the loverly heatherthegreat and aethyrflux, two friends who have stuck with me through a good chunk of time and it's problems.
Comparing this year to last year, I appreciate my place in life much more. I have a better position in my industry, a more comfortable and safe home life, and unlike last year am actually in communication with my friends, whether I'm good at it or not.
I'm also magnificently in love, and have great hopes for what our future together will bring.
After seeing my brother give my sister diamond earings for xas, I couldn't help but think...
Over this break I've gotten to make a lot of new things, mostly food things, which makes me very happy. It's an immediate satisfaction, because I make others happy with it, and get to make something new every time.
Hmm...
Alchemy.
Ohh, right, so the loot!
The big big gifts that I got this year (that's right, more than one, lucky lucky me) are a digital camera (Canon Powershot A520) and rock climbing gear! Harness, those uncomfortale little shoes, carribeaner, and a fantastic book of every sort of knot, including climbing, sailing, decorative, etc etc, hehehe...
Along with the camera I also got a pouch to take on a belt so I can be on a cliff face and have access to my camera. A more than fantastic thing.
I called my friends Katie and Ross right away and let them know about the climbing gear.
Ross is an aikido instructor, and he and Katie are a great couple who are in their long white hair days who are badass rock climbers with more patience and outright empathic ability to teach than anyone I have ever met before.
I am looking forward to getting out on the rocks with them.
The most thoughtful and beautiful gift that I got was a painting that my sister made for me, of me, with a poem that she wrote on the back stating the title "Muse":
"Never to be alone
nor to be rejected
anyone's wish;
mine
before I even wished it.
Treasure beyond price,
my sister
my inspiration"
12-21-2005
The painting itself is a spritely representation of my face composed from the photos that she could find where I looked happiest. It is done entirely in my favorite color, blue. I hung it beside my alter with the intention that this symbol of me would remind me how to center myself.
I'm looking forward to not being sick soon.
I can't wait to feel comfortable standing up again, being able to concentrate on playing violin, or have a decent conversation where I don't feel like I'm spacing out or coughing too much. The weather is perfect, and I want to ride my bike.
I managed to clean my room a few days ago. Months of work clothes, papers, crap, finally filed away. Now I'm beginning to organize my finances. I'm going to start keeping track of my yearly earnings as opposed to expenses, and see exactly where my money goes. Bills, insanely awesome shit on ebay, etc...
Okay...time to go lay down again. ::coughcoughcough::
I've been challenging myself to keep my attention, but this fever keeps sweeping me in.
I don't know how it came...maybe it was from being around little kids yesterday. Maybe it's just the inevitable sickness that comes after a depression. I have finally been feeling more normal physically (and finally emotionally) just within the last couple of days, so naturally something had to come stir shit up again.
I got to visit my niece and her family yesterday. It was...wow... True suburbia, but not really scary. Just that sort of so far away that would make me feel like a rat in a cage if I lived out there.
My niece is almost nine, give her 'till March, and I hadn't seen her since she was perhaps five.
Her parents, who adopted her, hadn't let my family visit in some time...well...not my sister anyway, so I wouldn't go either. It's a long, twisted story, but now that our family is safe and normal enough we have been visiting, all but busy me.
I remember teaching her about dinosaurs when she was three, and Audrey (sis) and I taught her how to stick out her tongue at people.
These days she's got the same gorgeous, gigantic eyes, loves to plow through books with them, and is a sweet older sister who doesn't care to be bossy.
Her parents had a children of their own, using birth inducing hormones, and so Madeline has a little sister, two years younger than her...and three triplet little brothers, all not even two.
Birth drugs = yikes...
Still, they're very nice people, a comfortable, reasuring nice. The practical "we're just bracing for when the boys learn about rockets" kind of people.
The kids have plenty of space to stretch out and be mischievous.
Hmph...I want to play with rockets...
My holiday has been going well. I mean, aside from being sick now.
I've gotten to spend more time with the loverly heatherthegreat and aethyrflux, two friends who have stuck with me through a good chunk of time and it's problems.
Comparing this year to last year, I appreciate my place in life much more. I have a better position in my industry, a more comfortable and safe home life, and unlike last year am actually in communication with my friends, whether I'm good at it or not.
I'm also magnificently in love, and have great hopes for what our future together will bring.
After seeing my brother give my sister diamond earings for xas, I couldn't help but think...
Over this break I've gotten to make a lot of new things, mostly food things, which makes me very happy. It's an immediate satisfaction, because I make others happy with it, and get to make something new every time.
Hmm...
Alchemy.
Ohh, right, so the loot!
The big big gifts that I got this year (that's right, more than one, lucky lucky me) are a digital camera (Canon Powershot A520) and rock climbing gear! Harness, those uncomfortale little shoes, carribeaner, and a fantastic book of every sort of knot, including climbing, sailing, decorative, etc etc, hehehe...
Along with the camera I also got a pouch to take on a belt so I can be on a cliff face and have access to my camera. A more than fantastic thing.
I called my friends Katie and Ross right away and let them know about the climbing gear.
Ross is an aikido instructor, and he and Katie are a great couple who are in their long white hair days who are badass rock climbers with more patience and outright empathic ability to teach than anyone I have ever met before.
I am looking forward to getting out on the rocks with them.
The most thoughtful and beautiful gift that I got was a painting that my sister made for me, of me, with a poem that she wrote on the back stating the title "Muse":
"Never to be alone
nor to be rejected
anyone's wish;
mine
before I even wished it.
Treasure beyond price,
my sister
my inspiration"
12-21-2005
The painting itself is a spritely representation of my face composed from the photos that she could find where I looked happiest. It is done entirely in my favorite color, blue. I hung it beside my alter with the intention that this symbol of me would remind me how to center myself.
I'm looking forward to not being sick soon.
I can't wait to feel comfortable standing up again, being able to concentrate on playing violin, or have a decent conversation where I don't feel like I'm spacing out or coughing too much. The weather is perfect, and I want to ride my bike.
I managed to clean my room a few days ago. Months of work clothes, papers, crap, finally filed away. Now I'm beginning to organize my finances. I'm going to start keeping track of my yearly earnings as opposed to expenses, and see exactly where my money goes. Bills, insanely awesome shit on ebay, etc...
Okay...time to go lay down again. ::coughcoughcough::