life right now
Ya so I think that I might finally be understanding that Daryl and I are no longer... It's really hard to write this right now but i think that this is how it is going to be... I really still love him and always will but i think that he just doesn't want to deal with me anymore... It's really hard seeing him everyday knowing that I can't have him and that I ruined my chances... I am still hoping that time will be the cure but as each day grows on it only seems that we grow further apart. I really don't want to be here anymore... I have nothing to live for right now and it is tearing apart everything.
Aside from that, my mom basically said last night that I am not a part of the family. I really just want to run away but I have no where to go. I took off on Friday night and just spent time with Daryl at my friends house(I am watching my friends house for 2 weeks). It was pretty fun, but I don't know about things anymore. I can't go over there everyday though. I just want to run away from everything because it is hurting me too much to stay around all of the bad things happening in my life. I told my brother the last time he called that I just want to run away from my mom. He told me that running away when he was 16 was the stupidest thing he could have done. He said that all it did was screw over his life. I am just afraid that if i stay around that my mom and I are going to get into a real fight and I will hit her. I have gotten to the point where I was just about to hit her but instead I walked out. I'm not sure about my life anymore and i don't know why I am still here. It hurts a lot but what hurts the most is that I don't know how to deal with any of it. My friends say just to forget about Daryl and to move on, that there is more guys out there, they tell me that I can get almost anyone i wanted. But that isn't true, the one guy I wanted doesn't want anything to do with me. It hurts so much right now but I really don't have anyone else I can talk about it to because none of my friends have ever been so far in love with someone. Daryl and I were head over heels in love with each other, we would talk about our future together, how we were going to get married, how we would stay together forever, but now it's over and I don't know what went wrong. I really want things to work out between us, I think that I am so much in love that my life is depending on us working out. I know that I am young and that this is going to happen more times throughout my life but i really wanted Daryl to be the one. I now right now that you are thinking that I am crazy and probably think I am a stalker or something but truthfully I don't care. I don't really care what others think about me, I never have, all except what Daryl thought but that is only because I love him.
Have you ever though that you don't belong?!?!? I have, i have though this many many times but now more than ever. My boyfriend doesn't want me anymore, my family doesn't want me anymore(except my Dad), and my friends don't seem to understand me and don't seem like they care much about me.
I but a poll in my buddy profile asking if people would miss me if i were to die in a freak accident and someone said that they wouldn't give a shit if i died... Maybe i should just go die from some "freak accident"... I have nothing good in my life anymore so why the fuck should i stay?
Aside from that, my mom basically said last night that I am not a part of the family. I really just want to run away but I have no where to go. I took off on Friday night and just spent time with Daryl at my friends house(I am watching my friends house for 2 weeks). It was pretty fun, but I don't know about things anymore. I can't go over there everyday though. I just want to run away from everything because it is hurting me too much to stay around all of the bad things happening in my life. I told my brother the last time he called that I just want to run away from my mom. He told me that running away when he was 16 was the stupidest thing he could have done. He said that all it did was screw over his life. I am just afraid that if i stay around that my mom and I are going to get into a real fight and I will hit her. I have gotten to the point where I was just about to hit her but instead I walked out. I'm not sure about my life anymore and i don't know why I am still here. It hurts a lot but what hurts the most is that I don't know how to deal with any of it. My friends say just to forget about Daryl and to move on, that there is more guys out there, they tell me that I can get almost anyone i wanted. But that isn't true, the one guy I wanted doesn't want anything to do with me. It hurts so much right now but I really don't have anyone else I can talk about it to because none of my friends have ever been so far in love with someone. Daryl and I were head over heels in love with each other, we would talk about our future together, how we were going to get married, how we would stay together forever, but now it's over and I don't know what went wrong. I really want things to work out between us, I think that I am so much in love that my life is depending on us working out. I know that I am young and that this is going to happen more times throughout my life but i really wanted Daryl to be the one. I now right now that you are thinking that I am crazy and probably think I am a stalker or something but truthfully I don't care. I don't really care what others think about me, I never have, all except what Daryl thought but that is only because I love him.
Have you ever though that you don't belong?!?!? I have, i have though this many many times but now more than ever. My boyfriend doesn't want me anymore, my family doesn't want me anymore(except my Dad), and my friends don't seem to understand me and don't seem like they care much about me.
I but a poll in my buddy profile asking if people would miss me if i were to die in a freak accident and someone said that they wouldn't give a shit if i died... Maybe i should just go die from some "freak accident"... I have nothing good in my life anymore so why the fuck should i stay?