Because my Therapist Said So
Almost one week ago, now, my therapist tasked me with having an internal dialogue with one of my "parts".
We've been working with a therapy technique called "family parts", basically it's a system where you take all your traits and personify them so that you can get to know yourself better
So far I have about 5 "parts". The first one being aptly named Sugar because hse is a people pleaser.
The truth is I don't know how to have this conversation with myself without feeling like a total dumbass. I know that's just one of my "parts" that has been trained to hold things in so that we don't get made fun of, and I know that this would be happening well out of reach of the public but I none-the-less struggle with it.
Another piece that's adding to the anxiety is the fact that I feel like, despite, the days literally being longer, I feel like I keep running out of time everyday.
I don't have the time I need to do everything I want.
I study Japanese for a good portion of the day, clean the apartment, and that alone just seems to eat up so much time. Then it's off to bed to sleep and restart the entire situation.
I feel like I'm always wasting time. I constantly have to be doing something. Always. And if I don't get my to-do list done, then I'm a failure. I've failed.
I've been a whole month without a job and yet I still feel like I can't catch a break.
A break from myself.
So narrowed in and focused on my goals that I don't leave any time for socializing or dreaming.
What I really want to do is just let go. Completely let go.
whenever I'm depressed and just don't want to be here anymore, it's because of a sense of obligation to all these chores I've assigned to myself.
If somebody else isn't doing it, then I am.
We've been working with a therapy technique called "family parts", basically it's a system where you take all your traits and personify them so that you can get to know yourself better
So far I have about 5 "parts". The first one being aptly named Sugar because hse is a people pleaser.
The truth is I don't know how to have this conversation with myself without feeling like a total dumbass. I know that's just one of my "parts" that has been trained to hold things in so that we don't get made fun of, and I know that this would be happening well out of reach of the public but I none-the-less struggle with it.
Another piece that's adding to the anxiety is the fact that I feel like, despite, the days literally being longer, I feel like I keep running out of time everyday.
I don't have the time I need to do everything I want.
I study Japanese for a good portion of the day, clean the apartment, and that alone just seems to eat up so much time. Then it's off to bed to sleep and restart the entire situation.
I feel like I'm always wasting time. I constantly have to be doing something. Always. And if I don't get my to-do list done, then I'm a failure. I've failed.
I've been a whole month without a job and yet I still feel like I can't catch a break.
A break from myself.
So narrowed in and focused on my goals that I don't leave any time for socializing or dreaming.
What I really want to do is just let go. Completely let go.
whenever I'm depressed and just don't want to be here anymore, it's because of a sense of obligation to all these chores I've assigned to myself.
If somebody else isn't doing it, then I am.