the heart of life is good ..
Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good
You know, it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
But, then your circle of friends
Will defend the silver lining
That song really is exactly how I feel. Sometimes it really just doesn't all go the way it "should" .. should is one of those words or phrases like "make the most of it" .. what the eff does "it" mean .. and how do I know if i'm making the most of whatever "it" is?
Weird to nobody but me i'm sure.
I feel that i'm being torn in every which direction .. I want to bang my head on the wall or go for a long walk .. something .. You know, I think it's because my knee is swollen again and I haven't been able to release all my pent up energy or emotion or sthg. I saw the Physio today, and she did the most thorough assessment given my history.
I haven't ever had that done, mostly because the priority was always to get the swelling down, and I was never in any one place long enough to strengthen it etc. So she spent the whole 45 minutes on Biomechanics and basically my knees are shot. BOTH of them!!
They roll in to compensate for something .. I didn't quite get it. Basically I need to learn to walk again she said. And some orthotics to correct it .. Fine. As long as my knee stops swelling and I can ride a bike around the most beautiful part of the U.K .. which is Kingston in my opinion .. i'll do ANYTHING she wants!!
So I have reached a whole new level of weirdness .. somehow I manage to feel elation and sadness all in the same moment.
How can you feel like you want to smile and cry all in the same action? How?
Anyway again .. me ... just reach new levels of weirdness all the time. I even weird out myself.
I'm loving and hating every moment in the U.K. Sometimes I want to go home. Sometimes I want to stay here forever. Right this moment my labelling experiement worked. An experiment that 2 different sets of people have tried .. and now I am working on .. it wasn't supposed to work, but I found a paper that suggested I change one of the variables that no one really would bother with otherwise. And I did .. and Carolle is going to be so so so happy tomorrow :-D. Word will get around. Tim will tell her, She'll tell Alison and I'll be chuffed!!
And when someone tells you "well Zena, my faith in you has been fully justified" .. it really makes you feel happy for a millisecond. Until you realise .. you're still alone in the U.K and that there's no one you can share your elation with.
Anyway, i'm trying to "make the most of it" becuase of course I can't sit and wait out the 2 months I have left can I know!!
Things I can mark off my U.K checklist:
Windsor castle (the history!!! OMG THE HISTORY!!!)
Hampton Wick castle (MUCH more beautiful than I can describe .. simply awe struck when I walked into the gardens)
Stonehenge .. I did get goosebumps :-P
Catching a theratre performance at the Strand .. we saw STOMP!! which was simply amazing to say the least
Shopping therapy in C. London .. Selfridges rocks my socks.
Go to Brighton .. this is what a beach is NOT supposed to be like. Rocks on the shore? Rocks? where's the sand?!?! WTF?!?!
GO to a traditional english pub with live music - we saw the incredibly strange film music band - They were so good. They did covers of all soundtracks, and there was a Shirly Bassey imitator .. I LOVE SB and you know how I love my music :-).
Go to Liverpool st. markets .. I MUST return to Spitterfields.. 1 hour on the fly was NOT enough!
What else .. at some stage I hope that Tim are goes to Bristol because that's where he did his PhD .. well in Aberdeen .. but I'm hoping there's a trip to there.
Amy is driving to Cardiff and though I don't get along with Amy that well .. i'll go along for the weekend away :-)
This weekend i'm going to Canterbury and Dover and Leeds Castle. Should be good. Ana the Spanish secondee will sleep at mine since she lives in Sunbury and trains are SHIT AS on sundays and she lives an hour walk away from the station.
I wish my knee was better. Then i'd get a bike. :-(
I wish I had ONE just one true reliable friend in the U.K.
That's all I need really. It would make this whole experience complete. When my sistser was here, this place was a heaven. Can we have everything we want? Maybe. I will put the vibes out there.
I have Frou Frou's album. It's very good.
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good
You know, it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
But, then your circle of friends
Will defend the silver lining
That song really is exactly how I feel. Sometimes it really just doesn't all go the way it "should" .. should is one of those words or phrases like "make the most of it" .. what the eff does "it" mean .. and how do I know if i'm making the most of whatever "it" is?
Weird to nobody but me i'm sure.
I feel that i'm being torn in every which direction .. I want to bang my head on the wall or go for a long walk .. something .. You know, I think it's because my knee is swollen again and I haven't been able to release all my pent up energy or emotion or sthg. I saw the Physio today, and she did the most thorough assessment given my history.
I haven't ever had that done, mostly because the priority was always to get the swelling down, and I was never in any one place long enough to strengthen it etc. So she spent the whole 45 minutes on Biomechanics and basically my knees are shot. BOTH of them!!
They roll in to compensate for something .. I didn't quite get it. Basically I need to learn to walk again she said. And some orthotics to correct it .. Fine. As long as my knee stops swelling and I can ride a bike around the most beautiful part of the U.K .. which is Kingston in my opinion .. i'll do ANYTHING she wants!!
So I have reached a whole new level of weirdness .. somehow I manage to feel elation and sadness all in the same moment.
How can you feel like you want to smile and cry all in the same action? How?
Anyway again .. me ... just reach new levels of weirdness all the time. I even weird out myself.
I'm loving and hating every moment in the U.K. Sometimes I want to go home. Sometimes I want to stay here forever. Right this moment my labelling experiement worked. An experiment that 2 different sets of people have tried .. and now I am working on .. it wasn't supposed to work, but I found a paper that suggested I change one of the variables that no one really would bother with otherwise. And I did .. and Carolle is going to be so so so happy tomorrow :-D. Word will get around. Tim will tell her, She'll tell Alison and I'll be chuffed!!
And when someone tells you "well Zena, my faith in you has been fully justified" .. it really makes you feel happy for a millisecond. Until you realise .. you're still alone in the U.K and that there's no one you can share your elation with.
Anyway, i'm trying to "make the most of it" becuase of course I can't sit and wait out the 2 months I have left can I know!!
Things I can mark off my U.K checklist:
Windsor castle (the history!!! OMG THE HISTORY!!!)
Hampton Wick castle (MUCH more beautiful than I can describe .. simply awe struck when I walked into the gardens)
Stonehenge .. I did get goosebumps :-P
Catching a theratre performance at the Strand .. we saw STOMP!! which was simply amazing to say the least
Shopping therapy in C. London .. Selfridges rocks my socks.
Go to Brighton .. this is what a beach is NOT supposed to be like. Rocks on the shore? Rocks? where's the sand?!?! WTF?!?!
GO to a traditional english pub with live music - we saw the incredibly strange film music band - They were so good. They did covers of all soundtracks, and there was a Shirly Bassey imitator .. I LOVE SB and you know how I love my music :-).
Go to Liverpool st. markets .. I MUST return to Spitterfields.. 1 hour on the fly was NOT enough!
What else .. at some stage I hope that Tim are goes to Bristol because that's where he did his PhD .. well in Aberdeen .. but I'm hoping there's a trip to there.
Amy is driving to Cardiff and though I don't get along with Amy that well .. i'll go along for the weekend away :-)
This weekend i'm going to Canterbury and Dover and Leeds Castle. Should be good. Ana the Spanish secondee will sleep at mine since she lives in Sunbury and trains are SHIT AS on sundays and she lives an hour walk away from the station.
I wish my knee was better. Then i'd get a bike. :-(
I wish I had ONE just one true reliable friend in the U.K.
That's all I need really. It would make this whole experience complete. When my sistser was here, this place was a heaven. Can we have everything we want? Maybe. I will put the vibes out there.
I have Frou Frou's album. It's very good.