i couldnt't do it
i needed to meditate badly yesterday and it was beyond my power. i had to get out of my physical body like i used to do before. it got me away from here and brought me to my little "dream world". but i just couldn't do it for some strange reason.there was too much pressure pressing onto my brain. i felt the exact same way today in global. when i started making those coments. i dont do that too often, so i just let myself go.... and what did it seem to the class???just plain damn funny. they didnt know what da hell i meant.i mean it was kinda crazy of me to try to describe my little "beautiful moment" to the whole class. most likely, i think only 3 people out of that whole class would have understood what i meant. the teacher is cool. i spoke to him after class, and he told me that he has noting against me commenting on the way he reads poetry, but i just didnt find him to be a very good reader. i love poetry. one reason for that is that i can't write my own all the time. whenever i do, i never let anyone else read it. say mike reads it, and he's this great poet and everything, he would start critisizing it, and would make me feel as if what i have created isn't all that great when to me it seems remarkable.well, anyways.... after that class i went half way home with this girl Ladona.she's michael's( my crush i can pretty much say from eigth grade)cousin. she's pretty cool, but she seems very strange to me. i felt very akward around her, well that's what i thought, but really it's just this day.
well, i'm at kira's house now.
my thinking is staring to really piss me off. i am such a wierdo!!!!!!!!! i am more than sure that some people from school think that i am the biggest wierdo that they have ever met. escpecially all those honors kids, those goddam snobs!! i don't like most of them, just a couple. why am i writing about them anyway? i guess cuz i dont want to be in most of those goddam classes. only english and global! definetly not math or chemistry.i got a 28 on my chem test, well i dont blame myself. i came in only i week ago, and dont get most of the stuff that they talk about. so there i go again, in science class asking all those stupid questions, that most of the other kids in the class won't even thin about.
later in the evening i'll try to meditate again. i really wish i'd get tp see Dimitry a little more often. he just doesn't get that some times i really can't be all that open about my feelings.ad then if i am, i once again feel like an idiot! how many times today did i feel that way???????? god, my mind really is wierd.it is only my mind, because i am not in this body. i only occupy it to move around and stuff.hmmmmmmmmmm. i wonder what part of my whole body do i really like the best?? well for now its my hair, it's all pinkish i love it!! but my natural hair color is pretty awsome too i think.now that i'm on the topic of my body and everything..lately i've been really thinking of doing some harm to it. it's just that soo many peole complement me that it's just soo goodddammm sickening!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i had this dream today that this mob of people were after me tryig to spill acid all over my whole face and body!!!!! how wierd is that. i guess that came from all that stupid massekist ideas. obsession about wierdness and randomness!
well, i'm at kira's house now.
my thinking is staring to really piss me off. i am such a wierdo!!!!!!!!! i am more than sure that some people from school think that i am the biggest wierdo that they have ever met. escpecially all those honors kids, those goddam snobs!! i don't like most of them, just a couple. why am i writing about them anyway? i guess cuz i dont want to be in most of those goddam classes. only english and global! definetly not math or chemistry.i got a 28 on my chem test, well i dont blame myself. i came in only i week ago, and dont get most of the stuff that they talk about. so there i go again, in science class asking all those stupid questions, that most of the other kids in the class won't even thin about.
later in the evening i'll try to meditate again. i really wish i'd get tp see Dimitry a little more often. he just doesn't get that some times i really can't be all that open about my feelings.ad then if i am, i once again feel like an idiot! how many times today did i feel that way???????? god, my mind really is wierd.it is only my mind, because i am not in this body. i only occupy it to move around and stuff.hmmmmmmmmmm. i wonder what part of my whole body do i really like the best?? well for now its my hair, it's all pinkish i love it!! but my natural hair color is pretty awsome too i think.now that i'm on the topic of my body and everything..lately i've been really thinking of doing some harm to it. it's just that soo many peole complement me that it's just soo goodddammm sickening!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i had this dream today that this mob of people were after me tryig to spill acid all over my whole face and body!!!!! how wierd is that. i guess that came from all that stupid massekist ideas. obsession about wierdness and randomness!