(no subject)
If you want to know what happened to Australian guy, well he was to perfect for me. As an undergrad chemistry major he's already presented several papers and in may is going to a confrence to present his findings in Chicago. He's already travelled the world and back at school. However, he is a bit older than me. Try 5 to 6 years. Which I've always dated older guys because of the maturity. But when it came down to it, he had the life I wanted. To be known as an undergrad, to be called to confrences, to make a difference and be respected for my work. To see Eurpoe and experience the different cultures out there. And I really don't want to be with someone like me. I'm around me enough. I want someone different who I'm going to learn from everyday. Where things won't get just "comfortable". But I'm actually meeting up with him and this other guy Matt to do physics tonight. But I think he knows that there is nothing there. So now all I have to do is wait and see what tomorrow brings, but at this moment in my life, theres nothing I can do about it one way or the other. I know this is a long entry but I needed to get this down on paper and I'm wondering whether I should open myself up more and let Mike see my journal entrys. All of them. But that is for another day. anyways I was reading through my old entries and I wanted to repost this one, because I feel like it is exactly what is going on. This is from March 29th, 2006.
I thought I'd update. I'm trying to put off studing as long as I possibly can. I just finished my book, White Apples. And it was freaky. Some guy who is dead, who doesn't know he's dead has to teach his unborn son who talks to his mother, how to save the universe by teaching him what he learned about being dead. But I wanted to share an exerpt.
"Patients never wants Wonder to enter the house: because Wonder is a wretched guest. It uses all of you but is not careful with what is most fragile or irreplaceable. If it breaks you, it shrugs and moves on. Without asking, Wonder often brings along dubious friends: doubt, jealousy, greed. Together they take over; rearranging the furniture in every one of your rooms for their own comfort. They speak odd languages but make no attmpt to translate for you. They cook strange meals in your heart that leave odd taste and smells. When they finally go, are you happy or miserable? Patience is always left holding the broom." ~Johnathan Carroll
I just wanted to share. I don't know why but I really like this exerpt. I feel like it is so true but at the same time not. Its wonder that keeps me going, but it also makes me miserable. In my life that is what I'm having the most issues with. Patience. Patience and hope. I'm tired of waiting for things to work out. I need a fresh start. I need patience.
I thought I'd update. I'm trying to put off studing as long as I possibly can. I just finished my book, White Apples. And it was freaky. Some guy who is dead, who doesn't know he's dead has to teach his unborn son who talks to his mother, how to save the universe by teaching him what he learned about being dead. But I wanted to share an exerpt.
"Patients never wants Wonder to enter the house: because Wonder is a wretched guest. It uses all of you but is not careful with what is most fragile or irreplaceable. If it breaks you, it shrugs and moves on. Without asking, Wonder often brings along dubious friends: doubt, jealousy, greed. Together they take over; rearranging the furniture in every one of your rooms for their own comfort. They speak odd languages but make no attmpt to translate for you. They cook strange meals in your heart that leave odd taste and smells. When they finally go, are you happy or miserable? Patience is always left holding the broom." ~Johnathan Carroll
I just wanted to share. I don't know why but I really like this exerpt. I feel like it is so true but at the same time not. Its wonder that keeps me going, but it also makes me miserable. In my life that is what I'm having the most issues with. Patience. Patience and hope. I'm tired of waiting for things to work out. I need a fresh start. I need patience.