My First Adventure in Pipe Smoking.
So I posted the other day about my irrational desire to take up pipe smoking. Today, I actually attempted to take up pipe smoking. Here's how it went:
I did research for this. I read how-to guides for choosing pipes and tobacco, and how to light it up and what to expect. I'd decided that I was going to get a cheap corn cob pipe, and that I wasn't going to inhale the smoke. There's a lot of personal preference involved (particularly whether or not one was a cigarette smoker before switching to pipes), but generally, tobacco smoke isn't meant to be breathed in. You're meant to draw it into your mouth and blow it out again. Which is perfect for me, as I'm not a smoker and not a fan of lung cancer.
So, with my plan formed, I went for a stroll down the main street in College Town in search of a tobacco store. I found one. I strolled in like I knew what I was doing and approached the counter, spying a collection of pipes in the display glass underneath. The guy behind the counter (a pleasant, balding Indian man) asked if he could help me. I asked if he had any corn cob pipes. He said he did, and opened the display I was looking at. He reached in towards a box of comically tiny hardwood pipes and took one out. "This is a corn cob pipe," he claimed.
Now, I'm no expert on pipes, but I thought that corn cob pipes were, like, made out of corn cobs. Hence the name, y'know? This little guy not only didn't look like it was made out of cob, it said "hardwood" on the bottom. I looked at it and asked, "Are you sure? It looks like wood."
"Yes, it's a corn cob pipe," he insisted.
I did a skeptical Spock Eyebrow. The sticker on the bottom read Missouri Meerschaum Original hardwood. I knew Missouri Meerschaum was an iconic brand and primary maker of corn cob pipes, but clearly, this little thing wasn't a corn cob pipe. Just because it was made by Missouri Meerschaum did not, ipso facto, make it a corn cob pipe. But it was only $3.99, and I wasn't prepared to sink a lot of money into an experiment. The benefit of a real corn cob pipe is that it doesn't need broken in (a process of building up a protective coating of carbon--called "cake"--on the inside of the bowl), and though I was also leery of the plastic tip, I decided to just go with it. But man, it is a seriously tiny pipe. Three and a half inches long. It's like Baby's First Tobacco Pipe and I decided immediately that there was no way I was going to be seen smoking it in public if I could help it. If I decided I liked smoking a pipe, then at the first opportunity I would get a bigger, proper pipe. This little thing was my learner's permit of a pipe.
Puny pipe in hand, I then asked the proprietor if he could recommend a good tobacco for a beginner pipe smoker. He proceeded to show me shelves of ginormous tobacco pouches. He chuckled, saying it was difficult to say what would be a good place to start, since it all came down to personal preference. I asked if he had any small tobacco samplers. He didn't, although he did have smaller pouches of cheap pipe tobacco. He showed me which brands he sold the most of, and then asked me what I liked. I was honest. "I don't know." He shrugged and walked away to answer his cell phone.
I ended up selecting a 1.5 oz pouch of Captain Black Royal pipe tobacco for $5.99. The Captain Black Royal was the store's best selling tobacco. There had a been a Turkish/Other blend available for $1.99, but since I was already cutting massive corners on pipe quality, I figured I ought to aim a little higher for the tobacco so that my first experience wouldn't be completely misleading. So, yes, I spent more on the tobacco than I did on the pipe. It smells very nice. Out of the pouch, it has a slightly fruity, caramel aroma and produces a sweet-smelling pipe smoke.
Purchases in hand, I walked back to my apartment to give this whole pipe smoking thing a whirl. Given that I had a hardwood pipe, it was going to need broken in, which meant only filling the bowl about one quarter to one third full so I could build the cake from the bottom up. I reread my tutorials on how to pack the pipe and immediately ran into a bit of a problem, because it was hard to tell how full the teensy, tiny bowl was. I let the tobacco air out a few minutes before I packed it since it seemed a little moist to me, and then I packed it loosely, making sure I could pull air easily through the stem. Then, I put a chair outside, grabbed a book of matches and tried to smoke my first pipe on my porch.
Unfortunately, I chose one of the windiest days all season to try this. I couldn't keep the match lit. So I lit the pipe over my stove, with the overhead fume fan switched on. I put the pipe in my mouth and drew in a mouthful of air with the match flame hovering over the bowl. Because how do you light the thing when the tobacco is halfway down the bowl? The suction pulled the flame down,and in seconds, I had a mouthful of cool smoke. I hurried outside with my pipe...where it promptly went out. I tried to light it inside and then smoke outside several more times, but it didn't work. Each time I'd get maybe one or two quick puffs and then it would go out.
Thinking it was the wind, I gave up on the outdoors notion and set myself up in my bedroom next to an open window (with a box fan running). I lit the pipe again. Two puffs later, it was out. I relit, puffed once. It went out. I was going through matches like crazy, so I switched to a lighter, with the same result. I couldn't keep the darn thing lit for more than one or two puffs. I thought maybe I was puffing too vigorously, so I tried shorter pulls. No difference. I knew pipes frequently needed relit, but surely this was excessive. Also, my ventilation technique was proving less than adequate and I was developing a slightly acrid taste in my mouth, so I decided to stop for the day. The bowl hadn't had time to get even slightly warm, and there was no ash to speak of, just a mixture of blackened and unscorched tobacco, which I dumped out. I blew into the stem to make sure it was clear.
My mouth tastes...well, like smoked tobacco. Dark, a little bit acrid and a little bit smokey. Reminiscent, in a strange way, of burned coffee. I've never smoked tobacco before, yet the taste is definitely familiar. I don't routinely kiss smokers, so I don't know where the recognition is coming from, exactly. Odd. Food and drink haven't completely eliminated it, either, so I'm going to have to use mouthwash to get rid of it, I think. I accidentally inhaled once, when I was trying to keep the embers lit, and I won't be making that mistake again. I didn't choke, but I did cough it out and bleh, smoke in lungs is not a pleasant feeling.
I'm going to try again tomorrow. It'll take several quarter and half bowls to break in the pipe, and first smokes on new pipes tend to be a little acrid, so I'm not discouraged. I have a little pile of tobacco that I'm leaving out overnight to dry, and I'll see if it makes any difference tomorrow in how long the bowl stays lit. Hopefully it will be less windy so I can actually try it outdoors instead of puffing out my window like a fish. And if I can't get the hang of Baby's First Tobacco Pipe, I might be seeking out a proper corn cob pipe sooner rather than later.
I did research for this. I read how-to guides for choosing pipes and tobacco, and how to light it up and what to expect. I'd decided that I was going to get a cheap corn cob pipe, and that I wasn't going to inhale the smoke. There's a lot of personal preference involved (particularly whether or not one was a cigarette smoker before switching to pipes), but generally, tobacco smoke isn't meant to be breathed in. You're meant to draw it into your mouth and blow it out again. Which is perfect for me, as I'm not a smoker and not a fan of lung cancer.
So, with my plan formed, I went for a stroll down the main street in College Town in search of a tobacco store. I found one. I strolled in like I knew what I was doing and approached the counter, spying a collection of pipes in the display glass underneath. The guy behind the counter (a pleasant, balding Indian man) asked if he could help me. I asked if he had any corn cob pipes. He said he did, and opened the display I was looking at. He reached in towards a box of comically tiny hardwood pipes and took one out. "This is a corn cob pipe," he claimed.
Now, I'm no expert on pipes, but I thought that corn cob pipes were, like, made out of corn cobs. Hence the name, y'know? This little guy not only didn't look like it was made out of cob, it said "hardwood" on the bottom. I looked at it and asked, "Are you sure? It looks like wood."
"Yes, it's a corn cob pipe," he insisted.
I did a skeptical Spock Eyebrow. The sticker on the bottom read Missouri Meerschaum Original hardwood. I knew Missouri Meerschaum was an iconic brand and primary maker of corn cob pipes, but clearly, this little thing wasn't a corn cob pipe. Just because it was made by Missouri Meerschaum did not, ipso facto, make it a corn cob pipe. But it was only $3.99, and I wasn't prepared to sink a lot of money into an experiment. The benefit of a real corn cob pipe is that it doesn't need broken in (a process of building up a protective coating of carbon--called "cake"--on the inside of the bowl), and though I was also leery of the plastic tip, I decided to just go with it. But man, it is a seriously tiny pipe. Three and a half inches long. It's like Baby's First Tobacco Pipe and I decided immediately that there was no way I was going to be seen smoking it in public if I could help it. If I decided I liked smoking a pipe, then at the first opportunity I would get a bigger, proper pipe. This little thing was my learner's permit of a pipe.
Puny pipe in hand, I then asked the proprietor if he could recommend a good tobacco for a beginner pipe smoker. He proceeded to show me shelves of ginormous tobacco pouches. He chuckled, saying it was difficult to say what would be a good place to start, since it all came down to personal preference. I asked if he had any small tobacco samplers. He didn't, although he did have smaller pouches of cheap pipe tobacco. He showed me which brands he sold the most of, and then asked me what I liked. I was honest. "I don't know." He shrugged and walked away to answer his cell phone.
I ended up selecting a 1.5 oz pouch of Captain Black Royal pipe tobacco for $5.99. The Captain Black Royal was the store's best selling tobacco. There had a been a Turkish/Other blend available for $1.99, but since I was already cutting massive corners on pipe quality, I figured I ought to aim a little higher for the tobacco so that my first experience wouldn't be completely misleading. So, yes, I spent more on the tobacco than I did on the pipe. It smells very nice. Out of the pouch, it has a slightly fruity, caramel aroma and produces a sweet-smelling pipe smoke.
Purchases in hand, I walked back to my apartment to give this whole pipe smoking thing a whirl. Given that I had a hardwood pipe, it was going to need broken in, which meant only filling the bowl about one quarter to one third full so I could build the cake from the bottom up. I reread my tutorials on how to pack the pipe and immediately ran into a bit of a problem, because it was hard to tell how full the teensy, tiny bowl was. I let the tobacco air out a few minutes before I packed it since it seemed a little moist to me, and then I packed it loosely, making sure I could pull air easily through the stem. Then, I put a chair outside, grabbed a book of matches and tried to smoke my first pipe on my porch.
Unfortunately, I chose one of the windiest days all season to try this. I couldn't keep the match lit. So I lit the pipe over my stove, with the overhead fume fan switched on. I put the pipe in my mouth and drew in a mouthful of air with the match flame hovering over the bowl. Because how do you light the thing when the tobacco is halfway down the bowl? The suction pulled the flame down,and in seconds, I had a mouthful of cool smoke. I hurried outside with my pipe...where it promptly went out. I tried to light it inside and then smoke outside several more times, but it didn't work. Each time I'd get maybe one or two quick puffs and then it would go out.
Thinking it was the wind, I gave up on the outdoors notion and set myself up in my bedroom next to an open window (with a box fan running). I lit the pipe again. Two puffs later, it was out. I relit, puffed once. It went out. I was going through matches like crazy, so I switched to a lighter, with the same result. I couldn't keep the darn thing lit for more than one or two puffs. I thought maybe I was puffing too vigorously, so I tried shorter pulls. No difference. I knew pipes frequently needed relit, but surely this was excessive. Also, my ventilation technique was proving less than adequate and I was developing a slightly acrid taste in my mouth, so I decided to stop for the day. The bowl hadn't had time to get even slightly warm, and there was no ash to speak of, just a mixture of blackened and unscorched tobacco, which I dumped out. I blew into the stem to make sure it was clear.
My mouth tastes...well, like smoked tobacco. Dark, a little bit acrid and a little bit smokey. Reminiscent, in a strange way, of burned coffee. I've never smoked tobacco before, yet the taste is definitely familiar. I don't routinely kiss smokers, so I don't know where the recognition is coming from, exactly. Odd. Food and drink haven't completely eliminated it, either, so I'm going to have to use mouthwash to get rid of it, I think. I accidentally inhaled once, when I was trying to keep the embers lit, and I won't be making that mistake again. I didn't choke, but I did cough it out and bleh, smoke in lungs is not a pleasant feeling.
I'm going to try again tomorrow. It'll take several quarter and half bowls to break in the pipe, and first smokes on new pipes tend to be a little acrid, so I'm not discouraged. I have a little pile of tobacco that I'm leaving out overnight to dry, and I'll see if it makes any difference tomorrow in how long the bowl stays lit. Hopefully it will be less windy so I can actually try it outdoors instead of puffing out my window like a fish. And if I can't get the hang of Baby's First Tobacco Pipe, I might be seeking out a proper corn cob pipe sooner rather than later.