Pure Emotional Breakdown

[happybuddha]

Today was truly the hardest and most emotionally shitty, and crappy day of my life. It was even harder tahn the day i found out Ryan was leaving, or when i found out he fucked Chris Rice. Today on a day when i first thought about hanging out with ryan, just him and i, seeing goldmember, me being able to spend time alone with him, but with everytime

Comments

Honesty with Painful truth!

[tobey_twink]

I dont like you Aaron, I dont. I wanted to tell you this that night but I didnt because I have compassion but now no more. You make me so angry when you go off and start crying and then you blame me. I cant like you. Why wont you understand that. I may scurry from guy to guy but its my nature. I dont control my feelings and I cant even begin to try. but then you start crying and telling me I should give you a try. I will not because I cant. I dont control how I feel. You did nothing wrong. believe what you will even if it is incorrect. I dont like you and I wont like you like that. its how I feel and I matter!
I matter.
not my father.
not my mother.
not how my friends feel.
not even my friends sometimes.
I MATTER!
I will continue to put myself first.
I am not going to lie any longer. You bought me things and then I feel like shit because I let you buy them. NO THATS NOT FUCKING RIGHT!
I hated everytime you bought me something but you said it was because you wanted to.
Little did I know it was in hope that I would feel for you the way you felt for me.
I dont think we can continue to hang out.
This is non-negotiable.
If you want your things then you can have them. I will not keep them from you.
you will not think this is the best thing for you but I feel it is. I will call you. when I get the chance or deem it nessecary. I think I should sever everything. I am truly sorry I did as everyone told you and you ignored!
God bye and Goodnight. dont call and dont come over to talk or anything I told you because I couldnt tell you in person.

Re: Honesty with Painful truth!

[happybuddha]

Ryan please, I realize i have been treating you like shit lately and i am truly sorry for that, and i promise i am getting better, but over all else, you are my best friend in this world, you mean more to me than anyone else, not in a i want to spend my life with you way, but in a you do more good fro me than anyone else, I love you, but as a fried, given i love you in other ways also but please don't cut all ties between us, who will i have to go to when people at school start harassing me, who will take me to my prom:) more than anything else i have made you out to be is that you are my best friend, please don't cut me off like this, just please give me another chance. I do get really emotional sometimes, that is just how i am, sometimes i wasn't even over you it was over not having anyone for myself, please just give me one more chance to prove that i want you asmy best friend, i have no one else like you in my life, I am closer to you than i ever have been to anyone else before, please i beg you to take me back as a friend, one last chance, please let's hang out this weekend, go to PC to meet Matt, something like that, I promise i will be better, i promise i will, just this one last chance, please just give me that.
Love, Aryn

Re: Honesty with Painful truth!

[tobey_twink]

I did not stutter and I didnt Lie.
You didnt believe jon when he said I used people.
Then you didnt believe me when I AGREED WITH HIM! I FUCKING AGREED WITH HIM!!!
I will not give you another chance. Its for your own good. I dont like my father butting into my life. You are butting in more than he is. I care for my father because he is my father. I am not going to love you. I dont to. And I wont because my feelings for you dont go beyond personal gain. Be angry or sad. I care notm except that you were once my friend. I dont know what truly happened but now I can barely be next to you. I base my life on honesty.