Mr. Responsible
title: mr.responsible (also known as suho papa)
rating: pg13
pairings: suho/kyungsoo (D.O.), subtle hints at other pairings
summary: all of this scared him before but now that he’s there, holding her in his arms, trying not to hug her too tightly because she’s tiny and fragile and it might break her, he doesn’t think he’s ever been this happy
note: I wanted EXO+baby, turned out a bit more serious than I thought. I wanted to play around a bit with Suho's "perfect" image too. NOT in chronological order, so I apologize if things get a little confusing. HUGE shout-out to printedapples who held my hand throughout this entire thing. thank you bb, I love you
There’s not a feeling in the world that matches up to this, Suho is sure of it.
Her tiny hands are reaching curiously out in front of her, her wide eyes scanning her surroundings as if the blobs of colour that her newborn eyes can comprehend are just the most fascinating things. She has a tiny tuft of hair on the top of her head already, and it’s obvious she got her smooth, pale skin from her papa-from Suho.
He thickly swallows down the lump in his throat as he pushes his pinky into her palm, and she wraps her brittle fingers around it and gives it a light squeeze, before releasing it and letting out a soft exclamation which Suho knows has very little meaning since she’s a newborn baby and newborn babies don’t quite know how to express themselves yet, but he wants to think it’s because she’s happy. Happy to meet her papa.
She’s an angel, she’s his angel, and all of this scared him before but now that he’s there, holding her in his arms, trying not to hug her too tightly because she’s tiny and fragile and it might break her, he doesn’t think he’s ever been this happy.
-
Kyungsoo confesses to him just as he’s checking the contents of his bag to make sure he hasn’t forgotten anything.
When Suho looks back on it, he thinks it’s probably the world’s most ill-timed proclamation of love because really, he’s on his way out the door, just about to give the next two years of his life up to the Korean military.
He straightens up and turns around and Kyungsoo is standing there, looking absolutely horrified at himself. The expression doesn’t really differ much from his regular, but Suho’s seen that face enough over the last eight years to know. He knows Kyungsoo, knows him more than anyone else in the world. Maybe even more than his own parents.
It’s everything he’s always wanted to hear and more. He’s leaving, he knows it, but it slips from his mind the moment that he grabs hold of Kyungsoo’s collar and pulls him in for a breathtaking kiss. He spills everything he’s felt for almost a decade into it and it couldn’t have been more perfect.
The eight remaining members of EXO spill into the hall just as they’re pulling apart. None of them pay any matter to their close proximity, all wanting to be in the same position, to say goodbye to their leader and friend. He gives each and every single one the tightest hug he can, trying to convey without words that he’ll miss them. That he needs them all.
Tao is crying and Suho finds he’s not far from it himself, curse their panda, curse him for being so emotional and making it almost impossible not to cry even though he promised himself he wouldn’t, not until they couldn’t see him. He loves these overgrown boys, he loves each and every single one of them with all of his heart and he hopes that the next two years goes by like lightening because at this moment he thinks he can’t be away from them for more than a second.
Feeling Kyungsoo’s warm hand slip into his is all it takes for him to finally break down, and he can’t stop his sobbing until the car reaches the airport and he’s forced to control himself because there are fans, hundreds of fans, and reporters and security and he knows he can’t show this side of himself to the world. He’s the leader. He’s the one that needs to be strong for everyone else.
Saying goodbye to the fans is almost as hard as saying goodbye to his band-mates. He has to stop three times during his speech, but it’s the weight of Kyungsoo’s hand, still enveloped into his, that gives him the strength to keep going.
A thousand tears are shed before he’s finally ushered away from the crowd and through the security gates. He catches a glance of Kyungsoo on the other side of the thick glass, looking lost and scared and alone and Suho tries with all his might to put everything into that one last look.
Wait for me he begs, in his mind. I’ll be back for you. Just two years.
-
Her hair is tied messily up into two little pigtails and her pink coat is a little too large and probably too much considering how warm it is. She looks so cute with her tiny arms stuck out into the air as she takes fast, clumsy steps towards Suho, repeating “papa, papa,” as she approaches.
He picks her up and spins her around just like she loves, and then he holds her against his chest. “Jihyun, my angel,” he breathes into her hair and she giggles at him, leaning back to look at him affectionately. “I love my papa,” she whispers as she runs her tiny fingers all over his face, through his hair, around the back of his neck. He can hear a million camera shutters going off around him but at the moment it doesn’t matter, because the only people on earth are him and his daughter and he’s missed her so, so much over the past few weeks.
His eyes scan the crowd for the sign of her mother, and he notices her standing near a pillar, a navy cap on her head and a flu mask covering her mouth. She looks horrified, but he gives her a tiny nod and a smile, trying to reassure her that it’s alright, that this was bound to happen eventually and they’re just going to have to deal with it now that it has. He doesn’t let his gaze linger on her, instead focusing on keeping Jihyun’s face pointed towards him and not the crowd as he pushes his way through to his management and the security guards.
Her picture will be all over the internet in a matter of minutes and he knows this, but it’s about time he got to show his precious girl off to the world.
-
It’s like an explosion when he steps through the gate, he has to blink to adjust his eyes to the thousands of flashes that greet him from fans and paparazzi alike. He feels many pairs of hands pulling him to and fro and he doesn’t have to see their faces to know it’s his band-mates, his friends, his family-and he takes his time hugging them all because he’s not going anywhere now, he’s back, back for good.
Chanyeol and Baekhyun are missing, and that’s not a surprise to him because he knew from the start they were next in line for military drafting and they’d left six months after he did. There’s only one more missing face, and it’s the one he so desperately wanted to see more than anyone or anything else upon his return. “Where’s Kyungsoo?” He asks Kris, who is the last to hug him, and the M leader just gives him a grave look before moving away to comfort Tao, who is, as usual, sobbing into the hem of his sleeve because the situation is just too much for him to handle.
He goes out drinking with Sehun and Kai later, because M, who only came to Korea to greet him at the airport, is already on a plane back to China. It’s really nice to know that in the two years that he’s been gone, their resident dancing machines haven’t changed one bit. They’re still the same teasing, fun, dirty-minded maknae’s he’s always known, except with a few more frown lines.
They do an amazing job at filling him in on everything he’s missed, but as the night gets deeper and their alcohol supply depletes further, he finds he’s not so much interested in new variety shows and drama appearances, and he wants-no; needs to know what has happened to Kyungsoo. Why he isn’t there.
Kai’s half passed out on their table, so it’s Sehun that takes the burden. Suho’s fidgeting with his empty shot glass, passing it from hand to hand and turning it around in his fingers.
“He was a wreck,” Sehun mumbles, his eyes on Kai as he speaks. Maybe he’s scared to face Suho’s disappointment when he finds out what happened. “When you left. He cried himself to sleep every night. He wouldn’t eat. He begged and begged and begged for them to let him fulfill his own duty early, and it took them a year to give in. So. That’s that.”
“He’s… he’s gone?” Suho exhales. He can’t believe it; he won’t believe it. He struggled through two years knowing that when he returns, he’ll be greeted by the boy he loves. He’s not sure he can handle another minute, let alone a full year.
“I’m sorry, hyung.”
Well, sorry doesn’t exactly cut it in this situation. He doesn’t even look at Sehun as he pulls his wallet out of his back pocket. He fumbles with it for a few moments, but his fingers are shaking far too much to accomplish pulling any bills out of it and so he ends up throwing the whole thing onto the counter and storming out of the bar.
It’s about a two hour walk back to their dorm, but he needs it.He needs the time go over all of this in his head. He's really, really not sure how he's supposed to last this entire year without seeing that face.
-
She looks like Kyungsoo. That’s the first thing he notices about her when she slides into the alcove and offers him a drink. He’s already buzzing as he takes it from her and finishes it in three gulps. It burns as it goes down his throat, but it’s a nice feeling.
Maybe she doesn’t realize who he is, that he’s famous. That he’s Kim Junmyeon from EXO and that he has a contract that tells him he’s not allowed to do this, not in public, not really anywhere for that matter. But he’s drunk and desperate and she smiles in the exact same way Kyungsoo does when things are going his way; thick upper-lip framing his teeth perfectly and showing that little bit of gum that makes the whole thing look so charming. Even her nose scrunches up just like his does, and that’s all it takes for him to push her back against the velvet sofa and give her exactly what she wants from him.
And he forgets about it, forgets about her, until it’s three months later and she’s gone through hell and back to get his number and she’s only contacting him because she’s desperate, it’s too late to get an abortion and she has no money and she knows it’s Suho’s because he’s the only person she’s slept with in the last six months.
He’s numb, but he takes her into his arms and tells her it’ll be okay, that they can do this. Though he’s not entirely sure, because it sort of feels like his world is crashing down around him and there’s nothing he can do to bring it back up again. No going back.
-
“What’s her name?”
Suho allows himself to turn to Kyungsoo then. They’re standing over her crib, talking in hushed whispers because it’s the first nap she’s had all day after a very rough morning full of gas pains and tears. She’s been alive for four months to that day, and it’s also exactly a week after Kyungsoo returned from the military. Never a more fitting time to introduce them, if only she felt a little better.
“Jihyun.” He smiles tenderly as he says it, he always does. “Kim Jihyun.”
“She took your family name, then?” Kyungsoo looks a little surprised.
“I’d like to say that,” Suho chuckles airily. “But that’s her mother’s family name too.”
“Ah…” Kyungsoo’s fingers ghost just over the exposed skin of her cheek. She puffs out her lips as if she could feel it, and then turns her head slightly and sleeps on. “She’s so beautiful,” he breathes. Suho doesn’t say anything, because it’s kind of a given that he agrees. “She looks just like you.”
“Are you calling me beautiful?” He teases, but the words are dry on his throat and he feels a little awkward afterwards. Kyungsoo withdraws his hand from the crib and bites down on his lip before turning to Suho.
“I should go,” he whispers, and Suho’s eyes widen-it’s the first time they’ve been alone together in three years. He doesn’t want it to be over this soon. “Thank you for introducing me to her. It’s a pity she’s not awake, but… I’ll see her again soon, I guess.”
“A-are you sure…” Suho stutters out, and then takes in a deep breath, trying to control his nerves. “You’ve only been here a few minutes. Stay for dinner. I can cook a lot better now. I’ll-”
“Junmyeon, please.” Kyungsoo is looking at him desperately, and Suho can see it clearly, then. Three years of pain written in his expressive as ever eyes. He wants nothing more than to make it all better-he’s hurt, too. But far too much has happened, far too much has changed. Three years is a long time, after all. “Please don’t make this any harder than it already is. I’ll see you at work tomorrow, okay?”
He just wishes it doesn’t have to be hard at all.
-
Kris is getting visibly frustrated by the noise that tiny silk box makes every time Suho pops it open and snaps it shut repeatedly. It’s a nervous habit, and he’s tried putting it down but he just keeps picking it up again thoughtlessly.
Eventually Kris just takes it from him. He pries the ring out of the box with curious fingers and turns it around in his hand. “Hm... it’s quite gender neutral.” He observes. It’s just a simple thin silver band, no inscriptions, no diamonds, no nothing. It’s beautiful in a simple way.
“I still can’t get it through my head,” Kris places the ring down on the table between them and he sets the box right next to it. “That you; Mr. Responsible, are just about to become a father of a baby that was produced thanks to a night of drunken sex with a woman you otherwise would never have talked to again.”
“Mr. Responsible?” Suho laughs. What a nickname. Kris ignores him.
“How’d the big guys react, anyway?”
“Hm…” Suho hums, glancing down at his untouched beer. It’s been sitting there so long it’s probably flat by now. “They say if the press doesn’t get a hold of it before the baby is born, we can keep it a secret. They want me to fulfill as much of my contract as possible. They’re so angry…”
“Well, that’s a given.” Kris is the opposite of Suho-he’s on his third beer, and just about done it, too. “We’re not supposed to have sex, I’m pretty sure if they could figure out how to ban us from masturbating they’d do that too.”
The exclamation has a few heads turning in their direction, so Suho shushes him, and they move their chairs a little closer so they can continue the conversation in lower voices.
“How do they plan on hiding the fact that you’re going to be wandering around with a baby in tow for the rest of your life?” Kris waves a hand in the direction of the ring sitting on the counter. “That you’re getting married to some girl you barely know.”
“I don’t barely know her.” Suho sighs and rests his chin on his hands. “Not anymore, anyway.”
“Do you know her enough to love her? To marry her?”
“You know the answer to that one, Kris.” He says. “I don’t really have a choice.”
“You do have a choice though.” Kris raises an eyebrow at him and shakes his almost empty beer cup. The waiter comes over immediately to take it from him. “No one has you at gunpoint. You’re free to make the decision.”
“This isn’t Canada, Kris. It’s expected of me to marry her.” He picks the ring up again, frowning at the way it glints in the dim lighting of the pub.
“I realize that. I just think that the ring you’re holding belongs on someone else’s finger and I know it wasn’t her face you were picturing when you bought it. As your friend I’m telling you that it’ll be the worst mistake you ever made to marry her. You won’t be happy.”
“Kris, it’s not about my happiness at all. She’s carrying my child, a child she isn’t financially prepared for. I made a mistake and I need to take responsibility for that.”
“Take responsibility by being a good father to this child and nothing else, Suho.” Kris takes Suho’s cup of beer and starts sipping at it, and Suho’s suddenly very curious as to how Kris has always seemed to give the best advice while intoxicated. “You have no other duties than that. Give that ring to the person you really bought it for.”
-
Suho’s a little nervous as he pushes the key into the lock. He needed to get some groceries done, but Jihyun is going through a phase and it’s extremely hard to shop with a toddler that wants nothing but to release herself into the world far too prematurely.
The only people not doing anything at the time were Baekhyun and Chanyeol. Not exactly his first choice for babysitters, but they had been very eager to take on the job.
But something, something, was making Suho feel like this was quite a bad idea.
Things are quiet as he steps inside. He kicks off his shoes at the entrance and drops the bag in his hands off in the kitchen before moving towards the living room. There are hushed whispers coming from the other side of the closed door, and he hesitates for a second before pushing it open.
The disaster that meets his eyes makes any war in history look tame. Well, that’s a slight exaggeration, he knows it, but he’s never, ever seen anything like this with his own two eyes. Jihyun’s fast asleep in the middle of the room, sprawled out on the carpet with a blush brush held loosely in one hand and the Rilakkuma plush Chanyeol got her for her first birthday in the other. Her brand new-and not cheap outfit is covered completely in black goo which Suho can only place as mascara.
His once pure white carpet is stained in various places with what seems to be hundreds of different colours, obviously sourcing from the eye-shadow palette laying open a few feet away from her. And don’t even get him started on the walls. The barn-animal depictions drawn amongst the scribbles most certainly were not created by a 14-month old girl and when he finally turns to the babysitters, Baekhyun is pointing at the wall and then at Chanyeol’s back, and mouthing something Suho can’t exactly make out but he gets the point.
He takes slow, tentative steps towards his daughter. Chanyeol and Baekhyun scramble to their feet and to the other side of the room to avoid him, terrified for their lives and rightfully so. He gasps when he gets a look at his daughters face. How… just how did they make an angel look so….vile?
“W-what’s wrong with her face?” He breathes out, knowing that if he tried talking any louder he’d end up yelling and waking Jihyun up.
“That’s an awfully nasty thing to say about your own child, sir.” Chanyeol croaks, and then Baekhyun elbows him, eyes wide in fear.
“Get out.” Suho points at the door. His gaze is murderous and it has his band mates stumbling over each other’s feet in their haste to get to the door. “Don’t come back. If you ever show your faces to me again you’re dead. Both of you. I don’t care who drew the pictures on the wall or…or…” he gulps as he looks down at his daughter, her face still covered in bright pink blush and little stars and spirals drawn in blue eyeliner on her cheeks. “That. You’re never ever babysitting my child ever again.”
“That’s all fine,” Baekhyun says as he picks up his man-purse and makes to follow Chanyeol out into the hallway. He stops, turns, one hand curled around Chanyeol’s wrist and the other on the doorframe, his bag swinging to and fro from his elbow. “But that makeup collection took me a decade to build. She destroyed it all. You owe me, hyung.”
“OUT!”
-
“I’m sorry,” He can’t really bring himself to look at her, not after everything he’s just said. He told her everything, simply because she deserves to know. He’s not sure what she wanted from him, marriage or otherwise, but he knows that this is going to cause problems for the both of them and not just himself. “But I can’t. I can’t do this to myself, or both of us.”
“It’s fine,” he feels a soft hand touch his forearm. “I don’t love you either. Not that it’s…impossible. You’re an amazing person.” She giggles, and he relaxes a little, then. “I don’t want to make you marry me if you’re in love with someone else. Just don’t be a stranger, okay? When she’s born, we’ll still be a family.”
“I know,” he kisses her softly on the cheek and then gives her hand a light squeeze. He’s so, so grateful that she took this so well.
“And introduce me to him, okay?” She wiggles her eyebrows at him and Suho deadpans, colour draining from his cheeks as he studies her face in shock. “Don’t look like that, I just want to get to know the person that’s going to help us raise her. That’s all.”
“Well, we’re not… he’s…” He figures it’s best not to finish that. He’s choosing not to marry her based on the fact that he’s in love with someone he hasn’t seen for more than two and a half years, and Suho’s sure their relationship isn’t exactly going to pick up where it left off when Kyungsoo returns to find out Suho’s now a father.
But he smiles and nods because he wants Kyungsoo to be a part of his life, a part of their unborn daughter’s life. And the fact that he’ll be accepted so easily into their little family is more amazing than he could ever imagine.
-
Suho knew, even before becoming a parent himself, that having a child is extremely tiring and a lot of hard work; but he’s never, ever been pushed to his limits like this.
He picked her up a few hours ago, and she hasn’t stopped crying since. Crying for her mama. And Suho, who hasn’t had a wink of sleep in over 36 hours, is having a hard time dealing with this on his own.
He’s holding her struggling form in one arm whilst trying to prepare her dinner with the other, and it’s really not going as well as he’d like it to-he’s already knocked an entire pot of soup all over the floor (which he hasn’t had a chance to clean up just yet, so his socks are soggy and he may have a burn on the sole of his left foot), and he used the wrong pan to prepare eggs, and he knows he’s not going to hear the end of it because they’re at the dorm and Kyungsoo takes his kitchenware very seriously.
He’s on the verge of a nervous breakdown when the front door clicks open and none other but Kyungsoo is standing in the hallway, taking off his shoes and then shuffling through to the kitchen. He takes one look at the disaster, and then raises his eyebrow at Suho, who’s very clearly on the verge of tears.
“I’m not even going to ask why you’re in the dorm right now,” he sighs, and pads over, avoiding the wet spots. He takes Jihyun from Suho, and she stops crying immediately, and grins at her friend with watery eyes and red cheeks.
“I swear to god you have some kind of magic touch.” Suho groans as he limps over to the table and sinks down into one of the seats, all of his joints feel so stiff it’s like he hasn’t had a chance to relax in years. Kyungsoo just grins at him as he bounces Jihyun up and down in his one arm. He seems to set up the stove and get dinner going again with ease. He doesn’t even react to his ruined pan.
“You look exhausted, you know... Why don’t you go have a nap? I’ll keep an eye on Jihyun and get dinner going. I’ll wake you up when it’s ready?”
“Nah,” it takes a lot of effort, but Suho pushes himself up off the chair again and makes his way over, taking the spatula from Kyungsoo’s hand-maybe on purpose letting their fingers brush together for a split second-and takes over the job of stirring the new pot of soup. Kyungsoo gives him a hesitant smile before moving off to place Jihyun in her high chair.
“Be a good, quiet girl for a little while, okay?” He coos, and she nods, her hands automatically reaching for the rattles connected by a string to the food tray. Not exactly quiet, Suho muses, but at least it’s better than her screaming.
Kyungsoo disappears for a few moments and comes back into the kitchen with a few towels, which he lays out on the ground to soak up the mess. Suho’s watching his every move, and he seems to catch onto that after a little while, and he suddenly fumbles a little more than he should in order to hide the blush on his cheeks.
Things are comfortable, in a weird sort of way, especially considering they’ve barely seen each other alone over the past nine months. It’s avoidance on both of their parts and Suho knows this, but part of him wonders why, why haven’t they taken the time to talk about everything that’s happened yet?
Kyungsoo’s still on his hands and knees when he looks up into Suho’s face. Teeth are tugging on his bottom lip, and his eyes are a little wider than usual. He looks like he has something he really wants to say, but either can’t find the words or doesn’t know if he should.
Suho kneels down in front of him and reaches forward bravely to run a finger along his smooth jaw line. “I’ve missed you so much,” he whispers, and he can feel Kyungsoo gulp thickly in response.
“I… I’ve missed you too…” Kyungsoo mumbles, and he averts his gaze, focusing on mopping up the fallen soup.
Suho straightens himself up again, gives his daughter a wave-to which she pouts at and attempts to throw her rattle at him, only to have it get cut off midair and land with an ear-splitting crash on the tray-and then he turns to the soup, unable to bite back his smile. Out of all of the things he really wanted to say to Kyungsoo, that was by far the most important.
-
An impromptu meeting in the dorms, the boys of EXO-M are back for a few days to work on recording the next album, and they somehow managed to get their hands on a free morning. A few desperate phone calls were made to get Suho over there as quickly as possible as to not waste any more time. He still had Jihyun when he arrived, but her mother came to pick her up so Suho could spend some time with his friends-she knows how long it’s been since they’ve had a chance to hang out as 12.
She introduces herself to Suho’s band-mates, bowing and smiling to each of them in turn-except for Kyungsoo, side-steps around Kris to avoid talking to her at all. She looks a little put off by that, but gathers Jihyun up into her arms and leaves without another word.
“She’s nice,” Kai says once she’s gone. “Kinda hot too.”
“That’s weird, Kai,” Baekhyun scrunches up his nose in distaste. “It feels like they’re married or something, so it’s like you’re calling Suho’s wife hot.”
“We’re certainly not married, or anything close to that.” Suho laughs awkwardly.
“You know what I realized, though,” Chanyeol says, in that deep voice of his that has everyone turning their heads in his direction, as usual. “She kinda looks like Kyungsoo. I mean. Her mouth and stuff. It’s really subtle but it’s there, you know? Like-”
“Chanyeol,” It’s Kris that has Chanyeol shutting up. Both of the leaders turn automatically to Kyungsoo, who’s sitting there, eyes wide and lips parted, looking like he’s about to throw up. Chanyeol notices then that he might have said something quite terrible, and he’s clearing his throat repeatedly, mumbling apologies that no one is really listening to under his breath.
Kyungsoo stands from his spot and says something about needing to go, but his voice is shaking so much it’s hard to make out exact words. He trips over the strap of the bag hanging from his chair on the way, and it’s Suho that’s rushing forward to catch him before he falls. He grabs hold of Suho’s wrists and pushes them roughly away from his body. “Don’t touch me.” He gasps out, before rushing down the hall towards his room.
The silence that follows is absolutely astounding, considering how many of them are packed into that tiny living space. Suho half makes to follow Kyungsoo, but Kris rests a hand on his shoulder and shakes his head slowly. Suho gets it-now’s not the time, and it’s not going to be that time for a while.
-
Positioned right in between Chanyeol and Kai, Suho has never felt smaller in his life. He's pale-hands shaking, breaths leaving his lips in short, sporadic puffs. He can hear the buzz of chatter behind the curtains, but he tries to block it out. Knowing what they're all there for... He's nervous, so nervous.
His manager brushes by him, giving him a soft squeeze on the shoulder before telling them it's finally time to get on the stage. Kai nudges him gently in the back, Chanyeol circles a big, warm hand around his wrist and he's reminded just then how amazing his friends are, how grateful he s that they're his band mates. That they're here, supporting him.
The sound of two hundred chairs scraping back across the tiled floor reaches his ear and he winces, missing a step. He stumbles back into Kai’s chest, and Kai places hands on his shoulders, steering him to his spot on the stage.
He's surprised when he doesn't choke while initiating their typical greeting, we are EXO-K, we are one. There are six tall stools and they each take a seat in one, and Suho and Baekhyun are both handed a microphone. Suho’s sure a mic has never felt so heavy in his hands before.
He reaches into his pocket, pulls out the cue cards that were prepared for him for the press conference. Stick to the cards, he was told. Divert any unwanted questions. Try to look sincere. So many demands. Suho just really wants to tell his fans the truth. But alas, that's impossible, if he wants to continue on this career path.
"Firstly, I'd like to deeply apologize for my actions," he begins. He already hates the words sliding from his tongue-why should he have to apologize for, why should he regret bringing a beautiful baby girl onto the planet. "I understand that I've let my fans and everyone down, but I ask that you will please take care-” he's cut off by a hundred hands shooting into the air. The MC chooses a random one, a man holding tightly onto a KBS microphone at the front.
"Why is it that you've kept her a secret this long?" Of course this question would be asked first-Suho shuffles through the cue cards, before clearing his throat and reading out loud.
"I understand that it wasn’t the best idea for me to keep it from the public this long," he says dully. "But it was for her safety and privacy. I hope you understand."
Obviously it isn't as in-depth as the reporter was hoping for, but Suho can't exactly say the whole truth, not while his manager is breathing down his neck.
"Okay." the reporter says slowly. "So why did you decide to finally reveal her identity?"
Suho flips one cue card. He doesn't have a solid, written answer for this one, but the card tells him exactly what not to say.
"I didn't exactly decide to," he can't help but smile, here. "But I think anyone can understand that at her age, it's hard to keep hold of her. I was away from her for three weeks so she missed me and wanted to greet me at the airport when I returned from Japan. When she saw me, she managed to escape her mother’s grasp." He thanked the heavens on multiple occasions that at least Jihyun’s mother took the precaution to wear some sort of disguise that day. That way, one identity could be kept secret for the time being.
More reporters put up their hands, and an MC selects another. "A lot of people have been dying to know this about the mother-how did you meet her? Is she in your line of work?”
"She's not a celebrity, nor does she work with them." He says robotically, ignoring the first question entirely.
"We've also heard that you haven't married her? That you don't plan to?"
"That is correct."
The buzzing in the hall starts up again. Suho gulps as he feels Chanyeol’s arm slip around his shoulders.
"Don’t you feel like that’s evading your duties?”
The question has him shocked into silence. No one prepared a cue card for a question like this, but his pride isn’t allowing him to just ignore it. He clears his throat loudly.
“No, I don’t think it is.” He says sharply. “My duty as a father is to make sure my daughter grows up comfortably and happily. So far, so good.”
There’s a displeased murmur rippling through the hall now, and Suho’s manager is edging closer to him, looking just as put-out as the press.
“So then, why is it that you’re not going to marry her?” A female reporter asks loudly, without even waiting to be selected. Suho knows he’s dug his own grave now, and he figures some semblance of the truth really is his only way out.
“Have you ever been in love, ma’am?” He asks slowly. She looks at him, confused. She looks to be around 40, so it’s not so unrealistic that she might be married, even with kids of her own. She doesn’t answer him either way. “Well… that’s what I want. It’s something I haven’t given up hope for. I still picture myself growing old with the person I love one day… and I don’t want to ruin my chances at living my life like that.”
He feels the mic being taken from his hands, and Chanyeol takes over for him, mumbling a quick apology to the crowd and then launching into a funny story about one of the times he and his sister took care of Jihyun. He can only sit in silence now, barely listening to the other members’ words of encouragement. He can feel Kyungsoo’s eyes on him. That’s all fine-he’s said what he meant to say. Now it’s just about waiting.
His closing speech is short, just another apology, and a quick word about how his future with EXO is undecided at this point-SM pretty much told him that his role in the group will be decided by the public reaction and nothing else, so he can only hope he’s said the right things. They’re supposed to file off the stage afterwards the same way they entered, but the hand that slips into his as he reaches the steps doesn’t feel like Chanyeol’s.
-
Coming home late from a meeting with the heads, he expected to last an hour or two but he’s home eight hours later, exhausted, it’s almost 2 in the morning.
So many things were discussed, but Suho can’t remember a single word of it. He’s too busy thinking about bed-he’ll face the fire when he has to. He feels bad; he left Jihyun with his band-mates at the dorm, thinking they’d only be babysitting her for a little while. Kai’s reply to his text message seemed cheery enough, but Suho knows they’re as sleep deprived as he is.
He slips into his room, misses a beat when her makeshift bed in the corner is empty. He passed by the living area on the way through, and she wasn’t sleeping in there either.
He tiptoes quietly through the dorm, poking his head into each and every room. All seems in order, Sehun is fast asleep in their shared room, Baekhyun and Chanyeol in theirs. Kai is missing, but Suho figures he probably slipped away to spend the night with his parents. He’s always been quite a mama’s boy. Heavy breaths are coming from the lump on Kyungsoo’s bed, so Suho exits quickly, not wanting to rouse his slumbering band-mate.
He feels something twist in his gut when he realizes his daughter is nowhere to be found. The last room to check is their managers, and it’s the only door he feels inclined to knock before slipping in.
He’s a little shocked when he sees Kyungsoo and Jihyun stretched out on the generously sized bed, Kyungsoo’s hand rested protectively on Jihyun’s tiny stomach, to stop her from rolling off. Kyungsoo’s eyebrows are furrowed, his lips pursed, like he’s super concentrated on something happening in his dreamland.
He gets this weird rock in his stomach whenever he see’s Jihyun and Kyungsoo together, it’s a beautiful feeling he can’t really find words for. Everything he needs in his life, and more, is right there on that bed.
Suho shrugs his jacket off his shoulders and deposits it neatly by the door. He walks slowly over to the bed, looking down at the two for a few moments before sliding in behind Kyungsoo. It’s risky, so risky, but the opportunity is so amazing he can’t stop himself.
He feels Kyungsoo tense when he places a hand on his waist. So he's still awake-Suho really wasn’t expecting that. He doesn’t relent, though. He’s there now; they might as well get this over with. It has to happen sooner or later.
“Junmyeon…” Kyungsoo breathes. He doesn’t shift, Jihyun is stirring ever so slightly. It’s far too late at night for her to wake.
“I’m sorry,” Suho murmurs against his neck, tightening his hold. He can feel Kyungsoo trembling at his touch, and the last thing he ever wants is to be responsible for these tears. He’s never, ever wanted to make Kyungsoo cry. “I’m so sorry.”
“Why did you do it?” It’s so vague, Suho’s momentarily unsure as to how to respond. Why did he do it? Why did he do any of this? It’s always been for one reason and one reason only. So he settles on being vague, too.
“Everything has always been because I love you.”
Kyungsoo muffles a sob with the back of his hand and Suho pulls him closer to his chest, running soothing fingers up and down his side. He repeats it, over and over again, whispering I love you’s into Kyungsoo’s hair until the tears stop and his breathing evens out.
And this is when his entire life finally clicks into place.
-
“This is all looking really good!” Sehun’s sitting at the laptop, as usual, his expression unusually bright. He ushers his band-mates over. He’s reading through comments on their fan-board, which completely exploded the second the press conference hit the news stations. It’s 24 hours later now, and the replies have finally slowed enough for them to at least read each reply carefully.
They all crowd around him. He scrolls slowly through the board. It’s all support, messages of encouragement. Suho feels his cheeks burn up at a certain message from a fan stating that she wishes she could be the one he experiences love with. There are, of course, a few negative messages, but they’re mostly from those traditional types who think that he’s a horrible person for not marrying. Whatever-that’s something he can deal with.
It seems unanimous that everyone wishes he stays with EXO. Many even mention that he should put his degree to good use and focus on an acting career, one that means he has more time to spend with his daughter.
It’s all too good to be true, and he doesn’t even realize he’s crying until he feels five pairs of hands pull him into a group hug.
They’re not EXO if it’s not all of them. Suho’s pretty sure he’s never felt this supported in his life.
-
The days that end early are Suho’s favourite days of all, especially when it’s his turn with Jihyun. He’s absolutely elated as he gets into his car and drives home from the filming location, deciding he’d rather surprise his family than let them know ahead of time that he’s on his way.
He slips quietly into the apartment, smiles gently when he can hear the soft tones of Kyungsoo’s voice filtering through the kitchen and into the hallway. He loves it when Kyungsoo sings, always has. His voice was one of the many things in the past that contributed to Suho falling head over heels for this boy.
He steps into the kitchen; Jihyun’s sitting on her booster seat at the table, her wide, curious eyes watching Kyungsoo intently as he mumbles the lyrics of “Angel” while stirring the rice on the burner. He raises a finger to keep Jihyun quiet when she finally realizes he’s there, and he steps up behind Kyungsoo and slips arms around his waist.
Kyungsoo jumps in shock and almost drops his cooking chopsticks, but he relaxes when Suho starts pressing kisses to the base of his neck. “You’re home early,” Suho can hear the smile in his voice as he gets back to his cooking.
“Papa, Jihyun wants a hug too,” his daughter pipes up from the table, and he laughs, letting go of Kyungsoo to release her from her seat. She pounces on him right away, wrapping arms around his shoulders and legs around his stomach-she’s really getting so tall, it feels like only yesterday that she couldn’t even reach around his neck.
It’s moments like these that he loves the most, moments like these where he feels like they’re a real family. He carries Jihyun over to Kyungsoo, who picks a tiny bit of rice out of the pot and blows on it gently. When he raises it to Jihyun’s lips, she mimics the action, and then takes a tiny bite, before frowning and shaking her head.
“It’s not ready yet, Soo appa,” she says. “It’s still crunchy.”
“Thanks, baby girl.” Kyungsoo kisses her forehead and ruffles her hair. She pouts at him as she reaches up to adjust her ponytail-she’s been very serious about her appearance lately, since her newest goal in life is to become an idol just like her papa’s. Except maybe more like their female juniors.
Some people still say that his biggest mistake in life was not marrying the mother of his child, but as he stands there, beaming happily at the two people in the world that he loves the most, he thinks he hasn’t made any mistakes-not a single one. If this makes him irresponsible, or a bad parent in the eyes of some, then so be it.
He’s never really liked being called Mr. Responsible anyway.
-
MAN I really hope you guys liked this... it's all I focused on over the last...little while, omg how many days has it been? a week? idk. I had the idea a while ago and then thought on it more and it just...all spilled out.
not entirely sure how I feel but right now ? I'm happy with it. I hope you guys are too <3
rating: pg13
pairings: suho/kyungsoo (D.O.), subtle hints at other pairings
summary: all of this scared him before but now that he’s there, holding her in his arms, trying not to hug her too tightly because she’s tiny and fragile and it might break her, he doesn’t think he’s ever been this happy
note: I wanted EXO+baby, turned out a bit more serious than I thought. I wanted to play around a bit with Suho's "perfect" image too. NOT in chronological order, so I apologize if things get a little confusing. HUGE shout-out to printedapples who held my hand throughout this entire thing. thank you bb, I love you
There’s not a feeling in the world that matches up to this, Suho is sure of it.
Her tiny hands are reaching curiously out in front of her, her wide eyes scanning her surroundings as if the blobs of colour that her newborn eyes can comprehend are just the most fascinating things. She has a tiny tuft of hair on the top of her head already, and it’s obvious she got her smooth, pale skin from her papa-from Suho.
He thickly swallows down the lump in his throat as he pushes his pinky into her palm, and she wraps her brittle fingers around it and gives it a light squeeze, before releasing it and letting out a soft exclamation which Suho knows has very little meaning since she’s a newborn baby and newborn babies don’t quite know how to express themselves yet, but he wants to think it’s because she’s happy. Happy to meet her papa.
She’s an angel, she’s his angel, and all of this scared him before but now that he’s there, holding her in his arms, trying not to hug her too tightly because she’s tiny and fragile and it might break her, he doesn’t think he’s ever been this happy.
-
Kyungsoo confesses to him just as he’s checking the contents of his bag to make sure he hasn’t forgotten anything.
When Suho looks back on it, he thinks it’s probably the world’s most ill-timed proclamation of love because really, he’s on his way out the door, just about to give the next two years of his life up to the Korean military.
He straightens up and turns around and Kyungsoo is standing there, looking absolutely horrified at himself. The expression doesn’t really differ much from his regular, but Suho’s seen that face enough over the last eight years to know. He knows Kyungsoo, knows him more than anyone else in the world. Maybe even more than his own parents.
It’s everything he’s always wanted to hear and more. He’s leaving, he knows it, but it slips from his mind the moment that he grabs hold of Kyungsoo’s collar and pulls him in for a breathtaking kiss. He spills everything he’s felt for almost a decade into it and it couldn’t have been more perfect.
The eight remaining members of EXO spill into the hall just as they’re pulling apart. None of them pay any matter to their close proximity, all wanting to be in the same position, to say goodbye to their leader and friend. He gives each and every single one the tightest hug he can, trying to convey without words that he’ll miss them. That he needs them all.
Tao is crying and Suho finds he’s not far from it himself, curse their panda, curse him for being so emotional and making it almost impossible not to cry even though he promised himself he wouldn’t, not until they couldn’t see him. He loves these overgrown boys, he loves each and every single one of them with all of his heart and he hopes that the next two years goes by like lightening because at this moment he thinks he can’t be away from them for more than a second.
Feeling Kyungsoo’s warm hand slip into his is all it takes for him to finally break down, and he can’t stop his sobbing until the car reaches the airport and he’s forced to control himself because there are fans, hundreds of fans, and reporters and security and he knows he can’t show this side of himself to the world. He’s the leader. He’s the one that needs to be strong for everyone else.
Saying goodbye to the fans is almost as hard as saying goodbye to his band-mates. He has to stop three times during his speech, but it’s the weight of Kyungsoo’s hand, still enveloped into his, that gives him the strength to keep going.
A thousand tears are shed before he’s finally ushered away from the crowd and through the security gates. He catches a glance of Kyungsoo on the other side of the thick glass, looking lost and scared and alone and Suho tries with all his might to put everything into that one last look.
Wait for me he begs, in his mind. I’ll be back for you. Just two years.
-
Her hair is tied messily up into two little pigtails and her pink coat is a little too large and probably too much considering how warm it is. She looks so cute with her tiny arms stuck out into the air as she takes fast, clumsy steps towards Suho, repeating “papa, papa,” as she approaches.
He picks her up and spins her around just like she loves, and then he holds her against his chest. “Jihyun, my angel,” he breathes into her hair and she giggles at him, leaning back to look at him affectionately. “I love my papa,” she whispers as she runs her tiny fingers all over his face, through his hair, around the back of his neck. He can hear a million camera shutters going off around him but at the moment it doesn’t matter, because the only people on earth are him and his daughter and he’s missed her so, so much over the past few weeks.
His eyes scan the crowd for the sign of her mother, and he notices her standing near a pillar, a navy cap on her head and a flu mask covering her mouth. She looks horrified, but he gives her a tiny nod and a smile, trying to reassure her that it’s alright, that this was bound to happen eventually and they’re just going to have to deal with it now that it has. He doesn’t let his gaze linger on her, instead focusing on keeping Jihyun’s face pointed towards him and not the crowd as he pushes his way through to his management and the security guards.
Her picture will be all over the internet in a matter of minutes and he knows this, but it’s about time he got to show his precious girl off to the world.
-
It’s like an explosion when he steps through the gate, he has to blink to adjust his eyes to the thousands of flashes that greet him from fans and paparazzi alike. He feels many pairs of hands pulling him to and fro and he doesn’t have to see their faces to know it’s his band-mates, his friends, his family-and he takes his time hugging them all because he’s not going anywhere now, he’s back, back for good.
Chanyeol and Baekhyun are missing, and that’s not a surprise to him because he knew from the start they were next in line for military drafting and they’d left six months after he did. There’s only one more missing face, and it’s the one he so desperately wanted to see more than anyone or anything else upon his return. “Where’s Kyungsoo?” He asks Kris, who is the last to hug him, and the M leader just gives him a grave look before moving away to comfort Tao, who is, as usual, sobbing into the hem of his sleeve because the situation is just too much for him to handle.
He goes out drinking with Sehun and Kai later, because M, who only came to Korea to greet him at the airport, is already on a plane back to China. It’s really nice to know that in the two years that he’s been gone, their resident dancing machines haven’t changed one bit. They’re still the same teasing, fun, dirty-minded maknae’s he’s always known, except with a few more frown lines.
They do an amazing job at filling him in on everything he’s missed, but as the night gets deeper and their alcohol supply depletes further, he finds he’s not so much interested in new variety shows and drama appearances, and he wants-no; needs to know what has happened to Kyungsoo. Why he isn’t there.
Kai’s half passed out on their table, so it’s Sehun that takes the burden. Suho’s fidgeting with his empty shot glass, passing it from hand to hand and turning it around in his fingers.
“He was a wreck,” Sehun mumbles, his eyes on Kai as he speaks. Maybe he’s scared to face Suho’s disappointment when he finds out what happened. “When you left. He cried himself to sleep every night. He wouldn’t eat. He begged and begged and begged for them to let him fulfill his own duty early, and it took them a year to give in. So. That’s that.”
“He’s… he’s gone?” Suho exhales. He can’t believe it; he won’t believe it. He struggled through two years knowing that when he returns, he’ll be greeted by the boy he loves. He’s not sure he can handle another minute, let alone a full year.
“I’m sorry, hyung.”
Well, sorry doesn’t exactly cut it in this situation. He doesn’t even look at Sehun as he pulls his wallet out of his back pocket. He fumbles with it for a few moments, but his fingers are shaking far too much to accomplish pulling any bills out of it and so he ends up throwing the whole thing onto the counter and storming out of the bar.
It’s about a two hour walk back to their dorm, but he needs it.He needs the time go over all of this in his head. He's really, really not sure how he's supposed to last this entire year without seeing that face.
-
She looks like Kyungsoo. That’s the first thing he notices about her when she slides into the alcove and offers him a drink. He’s already buzzing as he takes it from her and finishes it in three gulps. It burns as it goes down his throat, but it’s a nice feeling.
Maybe she doesn’t realize who he is, that he’s famous. That he’s Kim Junmyeon from EXO and that he has a contract that tells him he’s not allowed to do this, not in public, not really anywhere for that matter. But he’s drunk and desperate and she smiles in the exact same way Kyungsoo does when things are going his way; thick upper-lip framing his teeth perfectly and showing that little bit of gum that makes the whole thing look so charming. Even her nose scrunches up just like his does, and that’s all it takes for him to push her back against the velvet sofa and give her exactly what she wants from him.
And he forgets about it, forgets about her, until it’s three months later and she’s gone through hell and back to get his number and she’s only contacting him because she’s desperate, it’s too late to get an abortion and she has no money and she knows it’s Suho’s because he’s the only person she’s slept with in the last six months.
He’s numb, but he takes her into his arms and tells her it’ll be okay, that they can do this. Though he’s not entirely sure, because it sort of feels like his world is crashing down around him and there’s nothing he can do to bring it back up again. No going back.
-
“What’s her name?”
Suho allows himself to turn to Kyungsoo then. They’re standing over her crib, talking in hushed whispers because it’s the first nap she’s had all day after a very rough morning full of gas pains and tears. She’s been alive for four months to that day, and it’s also exactly a week after Kyungsoo returned from the military. Never a more fitting time to introduce them, if only she felt a little better.
“Jihyun.” He smiles tenderly as he says it, he always does. “Kim Jihyun.”
“She took your family name, then?” Kyungsoo looks a little surprised.
“I’d like to say that,” Suho chuckles airily. “But that’s her mother’s family name too.”
“Ah…” Kyungsoo’s fingers ghost just over the exposed skin of her cheek. She puffs out her lips as if she could feel it, and then turns her head slightly and sleeps on. “She’s so beautiful,” he breathes. Suho doesn’t say anything, because it’s kind of a given that he agrees. “She looks just like you.”
“Are you calling me beautiful?” He teases, but the words are dry on his throat and he feels a little awkward afterwards. Kyungsoo withdraws his hand from the crib and bites down on his lip before turning to Suho.
“I should go,” he whispers, and Suho’s eyes widen-it’s the first time they’ve been alone together in three years. He doesn’t want it to be over this soon. “Thank you for introducing me to her. It’s a pity she’s not awake, but… I’ll see her again soon, I guess.”
“A-are you sure…” Suho stutters out, and then takes in a deep breath, trying to control his nerves. “You’ve only been here a few minutes. Stay for dinner. I can cook a lot better now. I’ll-”
“Junmyeon, please.” Kyungsoo is looking at him desperately, and Suho can see it clearly, then. Three years of pain written in his expressive as ever eyes. He wants nothing more than to make it all better-he’s hurt, too. But far too much has happened, far too much has changed. Three years is a long time, after all. “Please don’t make this any harder than it already is. I’ll see you at work tomorrow, okay?”
He just wishes it doesn’t have to be hard at all.
-
Kris is getting visibly frustrated by the noise that tiny silk box makes every time Suho pops it open and snaps it shut repeatedly. It’s a nervous habit, and he’s tried putting it down but he just keeps picking it up again thoughtlessly.
Eventually Kris just takes it from him. He pries the ring out of the box with curious fingers and turns it around in his hand. “Hm... it’s quite gender neutral.” He observes. It’s just a simple thin silver band, no inscriptions, no diamonds, no nothing. It’s beautiful in a simple way.
“I still can’t get it through my head,” Kris places the ring down on the table between them and he sets the box right next to it. “That you; Mr. Responsible, are just about to become a father of a baby that was produced thanks to a night of drunken sex with a woman you otherwise would never have talked to again.”
“Mr. Responsible?” Suho laughs. What a nickname. Kris ignores him.
“How’d the big guys react, anyway?”
“Hm…” Suho hums, glancing down at his untouched beer. It’s been sitting there so long it’s probably flat by now. “They say if the press doesn’t get a hold of it before the baby is born, we can keep it a secret. They want me to fulfill as much of my contract as possible. They’re so angry…”
“Well, that’s a given.” Kris is the opposite of Suho-he’s on his third beer, and just about done it, too. “We’re not supposed to have sex, I’m pretty sure if they could figure out how to ban us from masturbating they’d do that too.”
The exclamation has a few heads turning in their direction, so Suho shushes him, and they move their chairs a little closer so they can continue the conversation in lower voices.
“How do they plan on hiding the fact that you’re going to be wandering around with a baby in tow for the rest of your life?” Kris waves a hand in the direction of the ring sitting on the counter. “That you’re getting married to some girl you barely know.”
“I don’t barely know her.” Suho sighs and rests his chin on his hands. “Not anymore, anyway.”
“Do you know her enough to love her? To marry her?”
“You know the answer to that one, Kris.” He says. “I don’t really have a choice.”
“You do have a choice though.” Kris raises an eyebrow at him and shakes his almost empty beer cup. The waiter comes over immediately to take it from him. “No one has you at gunpoint. You’re free to make the decision.”
“This isn’t Canada, Kris. It’s expected of me to marry her.” He picks the ring up again, frowning at the way it glints in the dim lighting of the pub.
“I realize that. I just think that the ring you’re holding belongs on someone else’s finger and I know it wasn’t her face you were picturing when you bought it. As your friend I’m telling you that it’ll be the worst mistake you ever made to marry her. You won’t be happy.”
“Kris, it’s not about my happiness at all. She’s carrying my child, a child she isn’t financially prepared for. I made a mistake and I need to take responsibility for that.”
“Take responsibility by being a good father to this child and nothing else, Suho.” Kris takes Suho’s cup of beer and starts sipping at it, and Suho’s suddenly very curious as to how Kris has always seemed to give the best advice while intoxicated. “You have no other duties than that. Give that ring to the person you really bought it for.”
-
Suho’s a little nervous as he pushes the key into the lock. He needed to get some groceries done, but Jihyun is going through a phase and it’s extremely hard to shop with a toddler that wants nothing but to release herself into the world far too prematurely.
The only people not doing anything at the time were Baekhyun and Chanyeol. Not exactly his first choice for babysitters, but they had been very eager to take on the job.
But something, something, was making Suho feel like this was quite a bad idea.
Things are quiet as he steps inside. He kicks off his shoes at the entrance and drops the bag in his hands off in the kitchen before moving towards the living room. There are hushed whispers coming from the other side of the closed door, and he hesitates for a second before pushing it open.
The disaster that meets his eyes makes any war in history look tame. Well, that’s a slight exaggeration, he knows it, but he’s never, ever seen anything like this with his own two eyes. Jihyun’s fast asleep in the middle of the room, sprawled out on the carpet with a blush brush held loosely in one hand and the Rilakkuma plush Chanyeol got her for her first birthday in the other. Her brand new-and not cheap outfit is covered completely in black goo which Suho can only place as mascara.
His once pure white carpet is stained in various places with what seems to be hundreds of different colours, obviously sourcing from the eye-shadow palette laying open a few feet away from her. And don’t even get him started on the walls. The barn-animal depictions drawn amongst the scribbles most certainly were not created by a 14-month old girl and when he finally turns to the babysitters, Baekhyun is pointing at the wall and then at Chanyeol’s back, and mouthing something Suho can’t exactly make out but he gets the point.
He takes slow, tentative steps towards his daughter. Chanyeol and Baekhyun scramble to their feet and to the other side of the room to avoid him, terrified for their lives and rightfully so. He gasps when he gets a look at his daughters face. How… just how did they make an angel look so….vile?
“W-what’s wrong with her face?” He breathes out, knowing that if he tried talking any louder he’d end up yelling and waking Jihyun up.
“That’s an awfully nasty thing to say about your own child, sir.” Chanyeol croaks, and then Baekhyun elbows him, eyes wide in fear.
“Get out.” Suho points at the door. His gaze is murderous and it has his band mates stumbling over each other’s feet in their haste to get to the door. “Don’t come back. If you ever show your faces to me again you’re dead. Both of you. I don’t care who drew the pictures on the wall or…or…” he gulps as he looks down at his daughter, her face still covered in bright pink blush and little stars and spirals drawn in blue eyeliner on her cheeks. “That. You’re never ever babysitting my child ever again.”
“That’s all fine,” Baekhyun says as he picks up his man-purse and makes to follow Chanyeol out into the hallway. He stops, turns, one hand curled around Chanyeol’s wrist and the other on the doorframe, his bag swinging to and fro from his elbow. “But that makeup collection took me a decade to build. She destroyed it all. You owe me, hyung.”
“OUT!”
-
“I’m sorry,” He can’t really bring himself to look at her, not after everything he’s just said. He told her everything, simply because she deserves to know. He’s not sure what she wanted from him, marriage or otherwise, but he knows that this is going to cause problems for the both of them and not just himself. “But I can’t. I can’t do this to myself, or both of us.”
“It’s fine,” he feels a soft hand touch his forearm. “I don’t love you either. Not that it’s…impossible. You’re an amazing person.” She giggles, and he relaxes a little, then. “I don’t want to make you marry me if you’re in love with someone else. Just don’t be a stranger, okay? When she’s born, we’ll still be a family.”
“I know,” he kisses her softly on the cheek and then gives her hand a light squeeze. He’s so, so grateful that she took this so well.
“And introduce me to him, okay?” She wiggles her eyebrows at him and Suho deadpans, colour draining from his cheeks as he studies her face in shock. “Don’t look like that, I just want to get to know the person that’s going to help us raise her. That’s all.”
“Well, we’re not… he’s…” He figures it’s best not to finish that. He’s choosing not to marry her based on the fact that he’s in love with someone he hasn’t seen for more than two and a half years, and Suho’s sure their relationship isn’t exactly going to pick up where it left off when Kyungsoo returns to find out Suho’s now a father.
But he smiles and nods because he wants Kyungsoo to be a part of his life, a part of their unborn daughter’s life. And the fact that he’ll be accepted so easily into their little family is more amazing than he could ever imagine.
-
Suho knew, even before becoming a parent himself, that having a child is extremely tiring and a lot of hard work; but he’s never, ever been pushed to his limits like this.
He picked her up a few hours ago, and she hasn’t stopped crying since. Crying for her mama. And Suho, who hasn’t had a wink of sleep in over 36 hours, is having a hard time dealing with this on his own.
He’s holding her struggling form in one arm whilst trying to prepare her dinner with the other, and it’s really not going as well as he’d like it to-he’s already knocked an entire pot of soup all over the floor (which he hasn’t had a chance to clean up just yet, so his socks are soggy and he may have a burn on the sole of his left foot), and he used the wrong pan to prepare eggs, and he knows he’s not going to hear the end of it because they’re at the dorm and Kyungsoo takes his kitchenware very seriously.
He’s on the verge of a nervous breakdown when the front door clicks open and none other but Kyungsoo is standing in the hallway, taking off his shoes and then shuffling through to the kitchen. He takes one look at the disaster, and then raises his eyebrow at Suho, who’s very clearly on the verge of tears.
“I’m not even going to ask why you’re in the dorm right now,” he sighs, and pads over, avoiding the wet spots. He takes Jihyun from Suho, and she stops crying immediately, and grins at her friend with watery eyes and red cheeks.
“I swear to god you have some kind of magic touch.” Suho groans as he limps over to the table and sinks down into one of the seats, all of his joints feel so stiff it’s like he hasn’t had a chance to relax in years. Kyungsoo just grins at him as he bounces Jihyun up and down in his one arm. He seems to set up the stove and get dinner going again with ease. He doesn’t even react to his ruined pan.
“You look exhausted, you know... Why don’t you go have a nap? I’ll keep an eye on Jihyun and get dinner going. I’ll wake you up when it’s ready?”
“Nah,” it takes a lot of effort, but Suho pushes himself up off the chair again and makes his way over, taking the spatula from Kyungsoo’s hand-maybe on purpose letting their fingers brush together for a split second-and takes over the job of stirring the new pot of soup. Kyungsoo gives him a hesitant smile before moving off to place Jihyun in her high chair.
“Be a good, quiet girl for a little while, okay?” He coos, and she nods, her hands automatically reaching for the rattles connected by a string to the food tray. Not exactly quiet, Suho muses, but at least it’s better than her screaming.
Kyungsoo disappears for a few moments and comes back into the kitchen with a few towels, which he lays out on the ground to soak up the mess. Suho’s watching his every move, and he seems to catch onto that after a little while, and he suddenly fumbles a little more than he should in order to hide the blush on his cheeks.
Things are comfortable, in a weird sort of way, especially considering they’ve barely seen each other alone over the past nine months. It’s avoidance on both of their parts and Suho knows this, but part of him wonders why, why haven’t they taken the time to talk about everything that’s happened yet?
Kyungsoo’s still on his hands and knees when he looks up into Suho’s face. Teeth are tugging on his bottom lip, and his eyes are a little wider than usual. He looks like he has something he really wants to say, but either can’t find the words or doesn’t know if he should.
Suho kneels down in front of him and reaches forward bravely to run a finger along his smooth jaw line. “I’ve missed you so much,” he whispers, and he can feel Kyungsoo gulp thickly in response.
“I… I’ve missed you too…” Kyungsoo mumbles, and he averts his gaze, focusing on mopping up the fallen soup.
Suho straightens himself up again, gives his daughter a wave-to which she pouts at and attempts to throw her rattle at him, only to have it get cut off midair and land with an ear-splitting crash on the tray-and then he turns to the soup, unable to bite back his smile. Out of all of the things he really wanted to say to Kyungsoo, that was by far the most important.
-
An impromptu meeting in the dorms, the boys of EXO-M are back for a few days to work on recording the next album, and they somehow managed to get their hands on a free morning. A few desperate phone calls were made to get Suho over there as quickly as possible as to not waste any more time. He still had Jihyun when he arrived, but her mother came to pick her up so Suho could spend some time with his friends-she knows how long it’s been since they’ve had a chance to hang out as 12.
She introduces herself to Suho’s band-mates, bowing and smiling to each of them in turn-except for Kyungsoo, side-steps around Kris to avoid talking to her at all. She looks a little put off by that, but gathers Jihyun up into her arms and leaves without another word.
“She’s nice,” Kai says once she’s gone. “Kinda hot too.”
“That’s weird, Kai,” Baekhyun scrunches up his nose in distaste. “It feels like they’re married or something, so it’s like you’re calling Suho’s wife hot.”
“We’re certainly not married, or anything close to that.” Suho laughs awkwardly.
“You know what I realized, though,” Chanyeol says, in that deep voice of his that has everyone turning their heads in his direction, as usual. “She kinda looks like Kyungsoo. I mean. Her mouth and stuff. It’s really subtle but it’s there, you know? Like-”
“Chanyeol,” It’s Kris that has Chanyeol shutting up. Both of the leaders turn automatically to Kyungsoo, who’s sitting there, eyes wide and lips parted, looking like he’s about to throw up. Chanyeol notices then that he might have said something quite terrible, and he’s clearing his throat repeatedly, mumbling apologies that no one is really listening to under his breath.
Kyungsoo stands from his spot and says something about needing to go, but his voice is shaking so much it’s hard to make out exact words. He trips over the strap of the bag hanging from his chair on the way, and it’s Suho that’s rushing forward to catch him before he falls. He grabs hold of Suho’s wrists and pushes them roughly away from his body. “Don’t touch me.” He gasps out, before rushing down the hall towards his room.
The silence that follows is absolutely astounding, considering how many of them are packed into that tiny living space. Suho half makes to follow Kyungsoo, but Kris rests a hand on his shoulder and shakes his head slowly. Suho gets it-now’s not the time, and it’s not going to be that time for a while.
-
Positioned right in between Chanyeol and Kai, Suho has never felt smaller in his life. He's pale-hands shaking, breaths leaving his lips in short, sporadic puffs. He can hear the buzz of chatter behind the curtains, but he tries to block it out. Knowing what they're all there for... He's nervous, so nervous.
His manager brushes by him, giving him a soft squeeze on the shoulder before telling them it's finally time to get on the stage. Kai nudges him gently in the back, Chanyeol circles a big, warm hand around his wrist and he's reminded just then how amazing his friends are, how grateful he s that they're his band mates. That they're here, supporting him.
The sound of two hundred chairs scraping back across the tiled floor reaches his ear and he winces, missing a step. He stumbles back into Kai’s chest, and Kai places hands on his shoulders, steering him to his spot on the stage.
He's surprised when he doesn't choke while initiating their typical greeting, we are EXO-K, we are one. There are six tall stools and they each take a seat in one, and Suho and Baekhyun are both handed a microphone. Suho’s sure a mic has never felt so heavy in his hands before.
He reaches into his pocket, pulls out the cue cards that were prepared for him for the press conference. Stick to the cards, he was told. Divert any unwanted questions. Try to look sincere. So many demands. Suho just really wants to tell his fans the truth. But alas, that's impossible, if he wants to continue on this career path.
"Firstly, I'd like to deeply apologize for my actions," he begins. He already hates the words sliding from his tongue-why should he have to apologize for, why should he regret bringing a beautiful baby girl onto the planet. "I understand that I've let my fans and everyone down, but I ask that you will please take care-” he's cut off by a hundred hands shooting into the air. The MC chooses a random one, a man holding tightly onto a KBS microphone at the front.
"Why is it that you've kept her a secret this long?" Of course this question would be asked first-Suho shuffles through the cue cards, before clearing his throat and reading out loud.
"I understand that it wasn’t the best idea for me to keep it from the public this long," he says dully. "But it was for her safety and privacy. I hope you understand."
Obviously it isn't as in-depth as the reporter was hoping for, but Suho can't exactly say the whole truth, not while his manager is breathing down his neck.
"Okay." the reporter says slowly. "So why did you decide to finally reveal her identity?"
Suho flips one cue card. He doesn't have a solid, written answer for this one, but the card tells him exactly what not to say.
"I didn't exactly decide to," he can't help but smile, here. "But I think anyone can understand that at her age, it's hard to keep hold of her. I was away from her for three weeks so she missed me and wanted to greet me at the airport when I returned from Japan. When she saw me, she managed to escape her mother’s grasp." He thanked the heavens on multiple occasions that at least Jihyun’s mother took the precaution to wear some sort of disguise that day. That way, one identity could be kept secret for the time being.
More reporters put up their hands, and an MC selects another. "A lot of people have been dying to know this about the mother-how did you meet her? Is she in your line of work?”
"She's not a celebrity, nor does she work with them." He says robotically, ignoring the first question entirely.
"We've also heard that you haven't married her? That you don't plan to?"
"That is correct."
The buzzing in the hall starts up again. Suho gulps as he feels Chanyeol’s arm slip around his shoulders.
"Don’t you feel like that’s evading your duties?”
The question has him shocked into silence. No one prepared a cue card for a question like this, but his pride isn’t allowing him to just ignore it. He clears his throat loudly.
“No, I don’t think it is.” He says sharply. “My duty as a father is to make sure my daughter grows up comfortably and happily. So far, so good.”
There’s a displeased murmur rippling through the hall now, and Suho’s manager is edging closer to him, looking just as put-out as the press.
“So then, why is it that you’re not going to marry her?” A female reporter asks loudly, without even waiting to be selected. Suho knows he’s dug his own grave now, and he figures some semblance of the truth really is his only way out.
“Have you ever been in love, ma’am?” He asks slowly. She looks at him, confused. She looks to be around 40, so it’s not so unrealistic that she might be married, even with kids of her own. She doesn’t answer him either way. “Well… that’s what I want. It’s something I haven’t given up hope for. I still picture myself growing old with the person I love one day… and I don’t want to ruin my chances at living my life like that.”
He feels the mic being taken from his hands, and Chanyeol takes over for him, mumbling a quick apology to the crowd and then launching into a funny story about one of the times he and his sister took care of Jihyun. He can only sit in silence now, barely listening to the other members’ words of encouragement. He can feel Kyungsoo’s eyes on him. That’s all fine-he’s said what he meant to say. Now it’s just about waiting.
His closing speech is short, just another apology, and a quick word about how his future with EXO is undecided at this point-SM pretty much told him that his role in the group will be decided by the public reaction and nothing else, so he can only hope he’s said the right things. They’re supposed to file off the stage afterwards the same way they entered, but the hand that slips into his as he reaches the steps doesn’t feel like Chanyeol’s.
-
Coming home late from a meeting with the heads, he expected to last an hour or two but he’s home eight hours later, exhausted, it’s almost 2 in the morning.
So many things were discussed, but Suho can’t remember a single word of it. He’s too busy thinking about bed-he’ll face the fire when he has to. He feels bad; he left Jihyun with his band-mates at the dorm, thinking they’d only be babysitting her for a little while. Kai’s reply to his text message seemed cheery enough, but Suho knows they’re as sleep deprived as he is.
He slips into his room, misses a beat when her makeshift bed in the corner is empty. He passed by the living area on the way through, and she wasn’t sleeping in there either.
He tiptoes quietly through the dorm, poking his head into each and every room. All seems in order, Sehun is fast asleep in their shared room, Baekhyun and Chanyeol in theirs. Kai is missing, but Suho figures he probably slipped away to spend the night with his parents. He’s always been quite a mama’s boy. Heavy breaths are coming from the lump on Kyungsoo’s bed, so Suho exits quickly, not wanting to rouse his slumbering band-mate.
He feels something twist in his gut when he realizes his daughter is nowhere to be found. The last room to check is their managers, and it’s the only door he feels inclined to knock before slipping in.
He’s a little shocked when he sees Kyungsoo and Jihyun stretched out on the generously sized bed, Kyungsoo’s hand rested protectively on Jihyun’s tiny stomach, to stop her from rolling off. Kyungsoo’s eyebrows are furrowed, his lips pursed, like he’s super concentrated on something happening in his dreamland.
He gets this weird rock in his stomach whenever he see’s Jihyun and Kyungsoo together, it’s a beautiful feeling he can’t really find words for. Everything he needs in his life, and more, is right there on that bed.
Suho shrugs his jacket off his shoulders and deposits it neatly by the door. He walks slowly over to the bed, looking down at the two for a few moments before sliding in behind Kyungsoo. It’s risky, so risky, but the opportunity is so amazing he can’t stop himself.
He feels Kyungsoo tense when he places a hand on his waist. So he's still awake-Suho really wasn’t expecting that. He doesn’t relent, though. He’s there now; they might as well get this over with. It has to happen sooner or later.
“Junmyeon…” Kyungsoo breathes. He doesn’t shift, Jihyun is stirring ever so slightly. It’s far too late at night for her to wake.
“I’m sorry,” Suho murmurs against his neck, tightening his hold. He can feel Kyungsoo trembling at his touch, and the last thing he ever wants is to be responsible for these tears. He’s never, ever wanted to make Kyungsoo cry. “I’m so sorry.”
“Why did you do it?” It’s so vague, Suho’s momentarily unsure as to how to respond. Why did he do it? Why did he do any of this? It’s always been for one reason and one reason only. So he settles on being vague, too.
“Everything has always been because I love you.”
Kyungsoo muffles a sob with the back of his hand and Suho pulls him closer to his chest, running soothing fingers up and down his side. He repeats it, over and over again, whispering I love you’s into Kyungsoo’s hair until the tears stop and his breathing evens out.
And this is when his entire life finally clicks into place.
-
“This is all looking really good!” Sehun’s sitting at the laptop, as usual, his expression unusually bright. He ushers his band-mates over. He’s reading through comments on their fan-board, which completely exploded the second the press conference hit the news stations. It’s 24 hours later now, and the replies have finally slowed enough for them to at least read each reply carefully.
They all crowd around him. He scrolls slowly through the board. It’s all support, messages of encouragement. Suho feels his cheeks burn up at a certain message from a fan stating that she wishes she could be the one he experiences love with. There are, of course, a few negative messages, but they’re mostly from those traditional types who think that he’s a horrible person for not marrying. Whatever-that’s something he can deal with.
It seems unanimous that everyone wishes he stays with EXO. Many even mention that he should put his degree to good use and focus on an acting career, one that means he has more time to spend with his daughter.
It’s all too good to be true, and he doesn’t even realize he’s crying until he feels five pairs of hands pull him into a group hug.
They’re not EXO if it’s not all of them. Suho’s pretty sure he’s never felt this supported in his life.
-
The days that end early are Suho’s favourite days of all, especially when it’s his turn with Jihyun. He’s absolutely elated as he gets into his car and drives home from the filming location, deciding he’d rather surprise his family than let them know ahead of time that he’s on his way.
He slips quietly into the apartment, smiles gently when he can hear the soft tones of Kyungsoo’s voice filtering through the kitchen and into the hallway. He loves it when Kyungsoo sings, always has. His voice was one of the many things in the past that contributed to Suho falling head over heels for this boy.
He steps into the kitchen; Jihyun’s sitting on her booster seat at the table, her wide, curious eyes watching Kyungsoo intently as he mumbles the lyrics of “Angel” while stirring the rice on the burner. He raises a finger to keep Jihyun quiet when she finally realizes he’s there, and he steps up behind Kyungsoo and slips arms around his waist.
Kyungsoo jumps in shock and almost drops his cooking chopsticks, but he relaxes when Suho starts pressing kisses to the base of his neck. “You’re home early,” Suho can hear the smile in his voice as he gets back to his cooking.
“Papa, Jihyun wants a hug too,” his daughter pipes up from the table, and he laughs, letting go of Kyungsoo to release her from her seat. She pounces on him right away, wrapping arms around his shoulders and legs around his stomach-she’s really getting so tall, it feels like only yesterday that she couldn’t even reach around his neck.
It’s moments like these that he loves the most, moments like these where he feels like they’re a real family. He carries Jihyun over to Kyungsoo, who picks a tiny bit of rice out of the pot and blows on it gently. When he raises it to Jihyun’s lips, she mimics the action, and then takes a tiny bite, before frowning and shaking her head.
“It’s not ready yet, Soo appa,” she says. “It’s still crunchy.”
“Thanks, baby girl.” Kyungsoo kisses her forehead and ruffles her hair. She pouts at him as she reaches up to adjust her ponytail-she’s been very serious about her appearance lately, since her newest goal in life is to become an idol just like her papa’s. Except maybe more like their female juniors.
Some people still say that his biggest mistake in life was not marrying the mother of his child, but as he stands there, beaming happily at the two people in the world that he loves the most, he thinks he hasn’t made any mistakes-not a single one. If this makes him irresponsible, or a bad parent in the eyes of some, then so be it.
He’s never really liked being called Mr. Responsible anyway.
-
MAN I really hope you guys liked this... it's all I focused on over the last...little while, omg how many days has it been? a week? idk. I had the idea a while ago and then thought on it more and it just...all spilled out.
not entirely sure how I feel but right now ? I'm happy with it. I hope you guys are too <3