I have not essayed on this boy in ages.
THE ESSAY ON SAKURABA. Only it's not really an essay and more slightly expanded bullet points that I wrote at 7:30 AM. Whatever, it totally counts.
Sakuraba and relationships
Sakuraba WANTS PEOPLE TO LIKE HIM. He has this thing for being needed and attention and whatnot -- it's why he became an idol. This is actually not nearly as bad as it was at the beginning of his canon, but on some level, he's still got this. He still wants people to see him positively! So a lot of his responses will be neutral and wishy-washy unless he feels really strong about it. He used to have a lot more uncertainty mixed in with his speech, but canon updates have helped him grow more of a spine.
... but he still wants people to like him. After nearly three years in camp, he's seen a ton of people come and go, particularly people that he's grown really close to. So mostly, he's now just ... settling for people he can talk to casually and be on decent terms with. It's a case where he talks a lot, but he never says anything important. He gives off this impression of "well, he's a nice guy, but there's not a lot to him" at the moment! Which ... he's okay with, even though there's a whole lot more to him. He's hesitant about letting people in at the moment, I guess? It's hard to really explain.
HE DOES A LOT OF LYING. Even after the canon update, yeah. Sakuraba often tries to keep up a good front to keep his spirits up and not have people worry about him -- he was an idol, he's used to it. It breaks under pressure, though. (and when he can't lie.) They're little lies, really! Like when someone asks how he is or what he's thinking, he'll often make it sound nicer than it really is. He's not a hardcore liar by any means! But, well. He does lie.
Sakuraba on his relationship with Shin, how he views Takami, aaaand his sexuality
RANDOM PARAGRAPHS ON HIS TEAMMATES. They were in camp and while they're no longer here, they still have an effect on him. :|d
Sakuraba LIKES SHIN A LOT. But he is a teenage boy. So he knows it's not ... love or anything remotely like that. He actually doesn't believe in ~love~. He just knows that he likes Shin, he wants Shin, and ... that's that! But at the same time, Shin is his best friend, and he never wants to lose that relationship. If Shin came back and didn't remember anything from his previous stay in camp, Sakuraba would be REALLY SAD, but he'd also keep his mouth shut and never utter a word because he'd still want their friendship. He's that important. THERE'S A LOT MORE TO THIS, but I feel like I've essayed at length on it previously. If anyone really wants me to dig it up, I can shuffle around in this journal and find it.
Takami is probably the person Sakuraba respects the most. Shin is his rival!1 and he respects him as a friend and whatnot, but he holds Takami in this higher regard. On some level, he is ... probably attracted to him? A lot is tied into that respect, though. He realizes Takami needs him, and he reacts to people actually needing him very strongly. The douche punch helped, too. READ MY CANON, EVERYONE.
ON THAT NOTE, Sakuraba identifies himself as homosexual. He is ACTUALLY probably bisexual with a heavy male leaning, but he doesn't think too hard about it. The only people he's really noticed himself being attracted to are men. He defaults to Not Talking About It for a number of reasons. If Sakuraba doesn't know someone well, he won't utter a word about his preferences and will laugh off any insinuations towards "lol that girl is hot rite." "Ahahaha, I guess ..." etc.
the canon update's effect on him
MOSTLY, Sakuraba has more confidence, he's quit his job as an idol, and he's in this transitional phase where he's looking forward and trying not to hold himself back. Canon has him sort of slip every so often -- like when he tries to act TOTALLY BADASS for seven volumes before he realizes that he doesn't have to wear a mask to improve. He's still Sakuraba, that awkward, unsure kid who's just struggling through things and trying to figure out who he is and who he wants to be.
It's because of this that he wavers between being very confident and more wishy-washy. Some of that is linked to the very first point, but ... it's Sakuraba. It's who he is.
He also no longer sees himself as being useless. He knows that he can be useful, that he is useful, and that there are some people out there (Takami, Shin, the rest of the team) that need him. A lot of this, though, is on a football level. Translating that to the real world ... well. He's still working on that. He has thoughts occasionally along those lines, but then he kicks himself.
on people leaving
GOD HE HATES THIS. He won't say it because he's happy that people got to go home! And OOCly, I am totally chill with people dropping. But he feels left behind, abandoned, and as I mentioned above, he doesn't really ... have anyone he can be as open with as he was before. Sakuraba used to talk with people like Shin, Phoenix, Tomo, the previous Sora, and even Takami about stuff a lot. Now he really only has Robert, who is ... uh. Robert. There's Dee, too! Dee helps a bit, but he's not the same as Phoenix.
He's hesitant about really growing close to anyone anymore because people keep leaving. Which isn't to say that he won't! But there is a bit of hesitation. It's like this all over again, only without the ":D" at the end.
PLANS FOR SAKURABA?
I FEEL LIKE I'M BACK ON TRACK WITH HIM.
He's still really interesting to me, even after almost three years. (th-three years . . .) I worried a little about canon updating since it seemed like it would knock out a lot of his issues and lead to him stagnating, but the thing about Sakuraba is that ... he always has his issues! He grows and works through some of them, but he's still a teenage boy. There's always room for development with him, and just because he's grown a backbone and gained some confidence doesn't mean he doesn't have his uncertainties anymore.
I do worry that he comes off as boring and some of his conversations fall flat! Buuut I can work through that. He's got the most "normal" voice of my set, IMHO, which makes it hard for me occasionally. And then again, he's Sakuraba. I really could play him on auto-pilot and feel completely comfortable with him.
Mostly, my plans are to take advantage of that jump meme I did and just jump people with him! I want to try to post more with him as well, since Sakuraba posts can be a lot of fun and I like threading with people while playing a character who isn't a complete jerkass.
tl;dr, I'm feeling good with my boy again and you can pry him from my cold, dead fingers.
Sakuraba and relationships
Sakuraba WANTS PEOPLE TO LIKE HIM. He has this thing for being needed and attention and whatnot -- it's why he became an idol. This is actually not nearly as bad as it was at the beginning of his canon, but on some level, he's still got this. He still wants people to see him positively! So a lot of his responses will be neutral and wishy-washy unless he feels really strong about it. He used to have a lot more uncertainty mixed in with his speech, but canon updates have helped him grow more of a spine.
... but he still wants people to like him. After nearly three years in camp, he's seen a ton of people come and go, particularly people that he's grown really close to. So mostly, he's now just ... settling for people he can talk to casually and be on decent terms with. It's a case where he talks a lot, but he never says anything important. He gives off this impression of "well, he's a nice guy, but there's not a lot to him" at the moment! Which ... he's okay with, even though there's a whole lot more to him. He's hesitant about letting people in at the moment, I guess? It's hard to really explain.
HE DOES A LOT OF LYING. Even after the canon update, yeah. Sakuraba often tries to keep up a good front to keep his spirits up and not have people worry about him -- he was an idol, he's used to it. It breaks under pressure, though. (and when he can't lie.) They're little lies, really! Like when someone asks how he is or what he's thinking, he'll often make it sound nicer than it really is. He's not a hardcore liar by any means! But, well. He does lie.
Sakuraba on his relationship with Shin, how he views Takami, aaaand his sexuality
RANDOM PARAGRAPHS ON HIS TEAMMATES. They were in camp and while they're no longer here, they still have an effect on him. :|d
Sakuraba LIKES SHIN A LOT. But he is a teenage boy. So he knows it's not ... love or anything remotely like that. He actually doesn't believe in ~love~. He just knows that he likes Shin, he wants Shin, and ... that's that! But at the same time, Shin is his best friend, and he never wants to lose that relationship. If Shin came back and didn't remember anything from his previous stay in camp, Sakuraba would be REALLY SAD, but he'd also keep his mouth shut and never utter a word because he'd still want their friendship. He's that important. THERE'S A LOT MORE TO THIS, but I feel like I've essayed at length on it previously. If anyone really wants me to dig it up, I can shuffle around in this journal and find it.
Takami is probably the person Sakuraba respects the most. Shin is his rival!1 and he respects him as a friend and whatnot, but he holds Takami in this higher regard. On some level, he is ... probably attracted to him? A lot is tied into that respect, though. He realizes Takami needs him, and he reacts to people actually needing him very strongly. The douche punch helped, too. READ MY CANON, EVERYONE.
ON THAT NOTE, Sakuraba identifies himself as homosexual. He is ACTUALLY probably bisexual with a heavy male leaning, but he doesn't think too hard about it. The only people he's really noticed himself being attracted to are men. He defaults to Not Talking About It for a number of reasons. If Sakuraba doesn't know someone well, he won't utter a word about his preferences and will laugh off any insinuations towards "lol that girl is hot rite." "Ahahaha, I guess ..." etc.
the canon update's effect on him
MOSTLY, Sakuraba has more confidence, he's quit his job as an idol, and he's in this transitional phase where he's looking forward and trying not to hold himself back. Canon has him sort of slip every so often -- like when he tries to act TOTALLY BADASS for seven volumes before he realizes that he doesn't have to wear a mask to improve. He's still Sakuraba, that awkward, unsure kid who's just struggling through things and trying to figure out who he is and who he wants to be.
It's because of this that he wavers between being very confident and more wishy-washy. Some of that is linked to the very first point, but ... it's Sakuraba. It's who he is.
He also no longer sees himself as being useless. He knows that he can be useful, that he is useful, and that there are some people out there (Takami, Shin, the rest of the team) that need him. A lot of this, though, is on a football level. Translating that to the real world ... well. He's still working on that. He has thoughts occasionally along those lines, but then he kicks himself.
on people leaving
GOD HE HATES THIS. He won't say it because he's happy that people got to go home! And OOCly, I am totally chill with people dropping. But he feels left behind, abandoned, and as I mentioned above, he doesn't really ... have anyone he can be as open with as he was before. Sakuraba used to talk with people like Shin, Phoenix, Tomo, the previous Sora, and even Takami about stuff a lot. Now he really only has Robert, who is ... uh. Robert. There's Dee, too! Dee helps a bit, but he's not the same as Phoenix.
He's hesitant about really growing close to anyone anymore because people keep leaving. Which isn't to say that he won't! But there is a bit of hesitation. It's like this all over again, only without the ":D" at the end.
PLANS FOR SAKURABA?
I FEEL LIKE I'M BACK ON TRACK WITH HIM.
He's still really interesting to me, even after almost three years. (th-three years . . .) I worried a little about canon updating since it seemed like it would knock out a lot of his issues and lead to him stagnating, but the thing about Sakuraba is that ... he always has his issues! He grows and works through some of them, but he's still a teenage boy. There's always room for development with him, and just because he's grown a backbone and gained some confidence doesn't mean he doesn't have his uncertainties anymore.
I do worry that he comes off as boring and some of his conversations fall flat! Buuut I can work through that. He's got the most "normal" voice of my set, IMHO, which makes it hard for me occasionally. And then again, he's Sakuraba. I really could play him on auto-pilot and feel completely comfortable with him.
Mostly, my plans are to take advantage of that jump meme I did and just jump people with him! I want to try to post more with him as well, since Sakuraba posts can be a lot of fun and I like threading with people while playing a character who isn't a complete jerkass.
tl;dr, I'm feeling good with my boy again and you can pry him from my cold, dead fingers.