(no subject)
Ten weeks after the death of Jacen Solo
Ord Mantell.
She hovered by the trash receptacle as her grandparents talked behind her at the concourse. She held a pastry in one hand, her stuffed tauntaun in the other, her fingers stroking the fur of the tauntaun's tail, lost in thought.
Allana could count the days in her head since her father's death, she wasn't anywhere near being over it yet. She was outwardly fine, traveling happily with her grandparents, looking forward to the return to Hapes that would happen in a few weeks, and the subsequent Jedi training in the Transistory Mists. She could keep a layer of being okay on top of her intense sadness and as long as she did that, she was okay.
She pushed her hand past the trash receptacle's flap, dropping her pastry in. Her sticky fingers were wiped on the tauntaun's fur, her face unemotional. Allana pressed her lips together, counting the days again. Ten weeks. Seventy days. Twelve hours, nine minutes. She was obsessed, she knew it, yet she could do nothing to stop the number counting. It was just inane number rambling in her head and when her grandmother gave her an odd look, Allana would tell herself it was pedestrian counting, clicks in the hyperdrive, anything but the days.
She glanced at her grandparents over her shoulder and Han made a face at her. She smiled, her lower lip tugged between her teeth, and wrinkled her nose at him. Appeased, he turned back to Leia, and Allana went back to thinking. She watched the people across the concourse move, talk, play. A woman and her children stopped to argue for a moment and Allana missed that. She missed her mother. Only a few weeks until her visit, but still. Allana wanted her mother now.
Most of all, she wanted this weight, this ache in her chest, to go away. She wanted to move on. She needed to move on. Her hair swung around her shoulders as Leia called her name softly, telling her it's time to go. Allana made a split-second decision and as she turned to join her grandparents, while they were still distracted, she pushed the stuffed tauntaun into the trash.
His fur, Jacen's fur, stuck to her fingers, where the pastry had left her sticky. She rubbed her fingers together as she moved toward her family, all smiles again. She made Han hold her, the new weight of the sudden loss of a security item overtaking her.
They didn't notice she wasn't holding Jacen, and they didn't question anything, Han just picked her up and they walked on.
Ord Mantell.
She hovered by the trash receptacle as her grandparents talked behind her at the concourse. She held a pastry in one hand, her stuffed tauntaun in the other, her fingers stroking the fur of the tauntaun's tail, lost in thought.
Allana could count the days in her head since her father's death, she wasn't anywhere near being over it yet. She was outwardly fine, traveling happily with her grandparents, looking forward to the return to Hapes that would happen in a few weeks, and the subsequent Jedi training in the Transistory Mists. She could keep a layer of being okay on top of her intense sadness and as long as she did that, she was okay.
She pushed her hand past the trash receptacle's flap, dropping her pastry in. Her sticky fingers were wiped on the tauntaun's fur, her face unemotional. Allana pressed her lips together, counting the days again. Ten weeks. Seventy days. Twelve hours, nine minutes. She was obsessed, she knew it, yet she could do nothing to stop the number counting. It was just inane number rambling in her head and when her grandmother gave her an odd look, Allana would tell herself it was pedestrian counting, clicks in the hyperdrive, anything but the days.
She glanced at her grandparents over her shoulder and Han made a face at her. She smiled, her lower lip tugged between her teeth, and wrinkled her nose at him. Appeased, he turned back to Leia, and Allana went back to thinking. She watched the people across the concourse move, talk, play. A woman and her children stopped to argue for a moment and Allana missed that. She missed her mother. Only a few weeks until her visit, but still. Allana wanted her mother now.
Most of all, she wanted this weight, this ache in her chest, to go away. She wanted to move on. She needed to move on. Her hair swung around her shoulders as Leia called her name softly, telling her it's time to go. Allana made a split-second decision and as she turned to join her grandparents, while they were still distracted, she pushed the stuffed tauntaun into the trash.
His fur, Jacen's fur, stuck to her fingers, where the pastry had left her sticky. She rubbed her fingers together as she moved toward her family, all smiles again. She made Han hold her, the new weight of the sudden loss of a security item overtaking her.
They didn't notice she wasn't holding Jacen, and they didn't question anything, Han just picked her up and they walked on.