3/15/06...
Well, I just haven't been myself today... I mean I just don't feel like I am really real... if that makes any sence... *sigh* Well, I am going to be sending my friend Cyn some money for us to keep gold community on Bewildered Mysteries... :) I still need to send the money to the one girl to get the movie that Constantine is in... I also need to send in my Grandma's Avon order... I need to call a number tonight to get something to get my phone fixed hopefully... *crosses fingers* I started writing a REALLY STUPID story today at lunch... I don't think I am going to be finishing it... I am going to get tickets to go see the Pat McGee Band at least 3 times MAYBE 4... :P I don't care what anyone says... I need to have a fucking break... I am so fucking close to doing something REALLY stupid, but the TWO reasons I haven't is because...
~ I need to meet Hanson...
~ I don't want Brianna to be upset/pissed off at me... :(
To tell you the truth I think the MAIN reason I haven't done anything stupid that I have been thinking of... is because of Brianna... she is like the best and I am so fucking surprised she hasn't like given up on me and just told me to go kill myself yet... I mean come on now... I know that if I were her I would kill me for being stupid... not to mention QUIT talking to me... but she hasn't done that and I am like surprised by that... I mean come on now... I am like SO fucking crazy and stupid and shit, but she doesn't care and she only knows me from online and talking to me on the phone... and like I don't know how, but she is able to get me to not do stupid shit like self injury all the time and ODing and taking razors to work with me like I accindently did today... sorry Bri, but I didn't even know that I did until I got home... :( *sigh* I know you don't believe me, but it is true... I am SO sorry about calling you last night and waking you up... I shouldn't have done that and I don't even remember what all I said... I only remember a few things... why is that...??? Why is it you haven't like given up on helping me out...??? I mean I deserve for you to do that... I want to cry... I cried at work today when I was at lunch and talking to Bri... *hides* I need to punish myself for that... I just don't know how to right now... I mean I have ideas on what I want to do... I could cut this BIG gash in my arm or take 10 asprin... lalalalala... *sigh* I love the fact that I get to work Monday thru Friday... :) In fact I kinda wished that I could work on Saturday and Sunday too... that way I don't have to deal with my family all the fucking time... I love them and shit, but I need to have a fucking break from them... I really do... I *sigh* Well, I am going to go... Oh yeah the first person out of the top 12 on American Idol to get kicked off was Melissa McGhee!!! Yay!!! I knew that she would be the first one... the bottom three were... Ace Young...Melissa McGhee...Lisa Tucker... and the person that Ryan saved was Ace Young... :D I love Ryan for that... *hugs Ryan* I loved Stevie Wonders performance on American Idol tonight too... :P Well, I can't wait to see what happens on the show next week... *excited to find out*
Love,
Christa
~ I need to meet Hanson...
~ I don't want Brianna to be upset/pissed off at me... :(
To tell you the truth I think the MAIN reason I haven't done anything stupid that I have been thinking of... is because of Brianna... she is like the best and I am so fucking surprised she hasn't like given up on me and just told me to go kill myself yet... I mean come on now... I know that if I were her I would kill me for being stupid... not to mention QUIT talking to me... but she hasn't done that and I am like surprised by that... I mean come on now... I am like SO fucking crazy and stupid and shit, but she doesn't care and she only knows me from online and talking to me on the phone... and like I don't know how, but she is able to get me to not do stupid shit like self injury all the time and ODing and taking razors to work with me like I accindently did today... sorry Bri, but I didn't even know that I did until I got home... :( *sigh* I know you don't believe me, but it is true... I am SO sorry about calling you last night and waking you up... I shouldn't have done that and I don't even remember what all I said... I only remember a few things... why is that...??? Why is it you haven't like given up on helping me out...??? I mean I deserve for you to do that... I want to cry... I cried at work today when I was at lunch and talking to Bri... *hides* I need to punish myself for that... I just don't know how to right now... I mean I have ideas on what I want to do... I could cut this BIG gash in my arm or take 10 asprin... lalalalala... *sigh* I love the fact that I get to work Monday thru Friday... :) In fact I kinda wished that I could work on Saturday and Sunday too... that way I don't have to deal with my family all the fucking time... I love them and shit, but I need to have a fucking break from them... I really do... I *sigh* Well, I am going to go... Oh yeah the first person out of the top 12 on American Idol to get kicked off was Melissa McGhee!!! Yay!!! I knew that she would be the first one... the bottom three were... Ace Young...Melissa McGhee...Lisa Tucker... and the person that Ryan saved was Ace Young... :D I love Ryan for that... *hugs Ryan* I loved Stevie Wonders performance on American Idol tonight too... :P Well, I can't wait to see what happens on the show next week... *excited to find out*
Love,
Christa