One day guys one day.... *shakes fist*
Sometimes I really hate you guys. I mean look at you all, with your ton to say on your LJs and all this deep profound stuff and cool pictures, and here I sit with absolutely nothing to say. You guys suck ;)
Anyway, now that that randomness is over.
I've been having this really weird feeling over the last couple of days, like I don't know what I'm doing or why. I'll be in the middle of doing some homework, or about to start it, and I just sit there for a sec and think about something, or really I think about nothing, and then I come back to myself and I completely forgot why I am at my computer and what I am doing. I realize I'm doing homework, and then my motivation is all gone. It is like after those moments as soon as I figure out why I'm somewhere I forget why I want to be there. I think alot of it has to do with Lauren. All summer pretty much my one motivation to get things done was because I could see her as soon as I was finished. It is like when she drove off last thursday she took my inner fire, my drive, my passion. The strangest thing is I'm not abnormally upset or anything. No fits of crying or depression, just this kinda emptiness. I figure it will be gone in a few days, it is just strange.
On another note, I feel really bad for James. I became friends with alot of seniors last year, almost exclusively, at Westwood at least. Now I don't see them anymore. I can't help but feel like they left me behind, like they abandoned me. I know that of course is not the truth, however they are all off doing new things and I am here in my senior year, most of my good friends gone, feeling like I'm stuck, like I shouldn't be here. It is so strange, not at all how I thought I would feel when they all left.
With all this lack of drive and motivation I'm really applying myself to things I can control and hold myself to. I'm doing the bodysculpting bible plan, getting a job, and just trying to fill all of my free time cause beign bored is the worst. I start thinking when I'm bored and that just seems to make me sad.
I've really started to love running. It is incredible. I've been getting runner's highs everytime I go out to run now. I get into a good rythym and hold it for about 20 minutes until I'm feeling a bit tired and then for 2 minutes or so I let go, I sprint as hard and as fast as I can. It is like the bonds of gravity lose hold of me. It is like I'm no longer attached to this earth. It is so incredible to feel that utter exhiliration as your body pushes far past its limits and you break free of your mortal coil. Running is the closest I've ever come to a religious experience I think. When I come down off that runner's high I can barely walk, my breath is so forced it sounds like I'm grunting and dying but I don't feel like I'm in pain, I just feel that lingering exhiliration. I love it so much, and it drives all thought from my mind, it is truly incredible.
sorry bout the long post. Peace guys.
-Jamie
Anyway, now that that randomness is over.
I've been having this really weird feeling over the last couple of days, like I don't know what I'm doing or why. I'll be in the middle of doing some homework, or about to start it, and I just sit there for a sec and think about something, or really I think about nothing, and then I come back to myself and I completely forgot why I am at my computer and what I am doing. I realize I'm doing homework, and then my motivation is all gone. It is like after those moments as soon as I figure out why I'm somewhere I forget why I want to be there. I think alot of it has to do with Lauren. All summer pretty much my one motivation to get things done was because I could see her as soon as I was finished. It is like when she drove off last thursday she took my inner fire, my drive, my passion. The strangest thing is I'm not abnormally upset or anything. No fits of crying or depression, just this kinda emptiness. I figure it will be gone in a few days, it is just strange.
On another note, I feel really bad for James. I became friends with alot of seniors last year, almost exclusively, at Westwood at least. Now I don't see them anymore. I can't help but feel like they left me behind, like they abandoned me. I know that of course is not the truth, however they are all off doing new things and I am here in my senior year, most of my good friends gone, feeling like I'm stuck, like I shouldn't be here. It is so strange, not at all how I thought I would feel when they all left.
With all this lack of drive and motivation I'm really applying myself to things I can control and hold myself to. I'm doing the bodysculpting bible plan, getting a job, and just trying to fill all of my free time cause beign bored is the worst. I start thinking when I'm bored and that just seems to make me sad.
I've really started to love running. It is incredible. I've been getting runner's highs everytime I go out to run now. I get into a good rythym and hold it for about 20 minutes until I'm feeling a bit tired and then for 2 minutes or so I let go, I sprint as hard and as fast as I can. It is like the bonds of gravity lose hold of me. It is like I'm no longer attached to this earth. It is so incredible to feel that utter exhiliration as your body pushes far past its limits and you break free of your mortal coil. Running is the closest I've ever come to a religious experience I think. When I come down off that runner's high I can barely walk, my breath is so forced it sounds like I'm grunting and dying but I don't feel like I'm in pain, I just feel that lingering exhiliration. I love it so much, and it drives all thought from my mind, it is truly incredible.
sorry bout the long post. Peace guys.
-Jamie