Mar 04, 2006 00:00
so yesterday Hilary Cleo and Jose came over to suprise me after a week of me being sick off my butt. (shh im still sick but it didnt stop them from coming) so yeah it was real nice because they brought me cake and cheered me up MAJOR. Sadly Hilary had to leave. after she left, cleo commenced to watch the llama song...again. this time, however, jose taped the entire like 2 minutes of everything me and cleo did
i honestly didnt realize i was so crazy until i saw this movie. or even that that was how i looked. i mean i saw me in pictures but pictures are only moments in time and dont really capture the essense of a person unles they are taken well. a picture can only show so much when it is taken posed and just to look pretty. i mean i suppose my myspace pictures are ok. i mean they are obviously good enough to show to friends. apparently ppl enjoy the pillow one. that pillow was "used" by aviv. hah. but yeah, i actually prefer...eh...umm...none. but yeah. so this video of me (that you can see if you ask me for it its really quite amazing, just ask ethan, jose, aaron, or cleo if you dont trust me haha) right i saw what i looked like. i mean i actually got t see how myself. i am not sure if i like it or not or if i should be embarrassed or not. the truth is i am so afraid of what i am. i dont know if id be friends with me. is it terrible to see who you are? i mean my face drained after the third time i saw it. then i almost died. i was sitting there, alone at my computer, and i watched it. there i was. naked for the world to see. (well sorta, i was clothed but if u listen to the video it gives a nice piece of information of my lack of clothing) maybe that is why guys never stick around haha, im so wild. i dont know if its attractive or not.....
so i was going to go lay down in bed...but id be thinking about this. i am so terrible and self centered. i think people see through this wildness to see the reserved and timid person within. like i think ppl see me as an act. do they? does it seem as though im only happy on the outside? blah im going to bed
"I'm not saying I don't cry but in between I laugh and I realize how silly it is to take anything too seriously. Plus, I look forward to a good cry. It feels pretty good. "
there is beauty in the breakdown.
@-->-- garden state is amazing