The shores of freedom where no one lives...
But right now, everything is turning blue
And right now, the sun is trying to kill the moon
And right now, I wish I could follow you
To the shores of freedom
Where no one lives
Freedom, run away tonight...
You're the honey and the moon that lights up my night (joseph arthur honey and the moon)
I think, corinne and others, the problem is that I constantly think I have to challenge myself. At MCS, when the easy thing to do was to slack off, I had to work my ass off to do well, so I wanted to do that. Now, at Milton, the easy thing to do is just to stress out about everything just like EVERYONE does (and seriously, everyone does, it is absolutely out of fuckin control) and to worry about schoolwork and ahh. So to challenge myself I now have this new goal of wanting to be completely unstressed, to enjoy my junior spring, to have lots of free time and do what i want. But that doesn't mean I don't want to do well. That's the whole thing. The challenge is pulling off keeping my good grades, while absolutely refusing to work my ass off. I don't know why I do it. It would be so easy for me to get my homework done every day, its not like I do anything at all after school anyway. Its just the fact that i don't see the point in doing all the work here. Like, history, i learn the most from the discussions in class. Math, i teach it to myself anyway because i like it. English, I read the books, i write the papers. what more can i do. French, i hate it. i see no point in learning it anymore because I know taht i'll make up for anything i don't do now while i'm actually IN france. And envi sci i do the work and i love it so i work hard. I dunno. I guess its just frustrating when all ANYONE can talk about is the APs and the SATs and college. but its not just discussion. Its like flipping out stress. And i just want to scream at everyone to CALM THE HELL DOWN because they are wasting so many precious minutes by worrying about everything they have to do. I dunno, in some ways, I think I'm lucky in that I CAN pull off doing well without doing any work. I know a lot of people genuinely couldn't do that. Maybe that's the problem. Is that I only see it from my perspective. I made up a week and a half of math homework and studied for the test in two nights, but I still got a perfect score on the test. So its like I can't understand why people get so flipped out crazy about everything. Which is probably really narrow minded. But i just can't get it out of my head that if people simply applied themselves to things they found interesting, and found ways to get involved with things that they really dont enjoy, that life would just be that much more interesting. OK shut up hannah.
in any case. yesterday was the english ap. today was the french ap. english = okay. french = suck my balls. but hopefully it went okay. At least on french, my biggest problem was definitely in the essay. Not that I didn't write it okay. but just that i kept doubting whether i was RIGHT about the meaning of that one word. Friendship. I was right. But because i kept doubting myself, i made a lot of what i said really ambiguous, in case it meant something else. Which was really dumb. LoL.
Emma and i had more dance today, which was a joke. We sat on the floor for most of it with the three dancers who came and just talked and gossiped and were really lame and girly and pretty damn ditzy... but it was fun nonetheless.
Tomorrow's Goals: Get book for science. Get boat dance dress. (Riiight) Can she do it?
love love
And right now, the sun is trying to kill the moon
And right now, I wish I could follow you
To the shores of freedom
Where no one lives
Freedom, run away tonight...
You're the honey and the moon that lights up my night (joseph arthur honey and the moon)
I think, corinne and others, the problem is that I constantly think I have to challenge myself. At MCS, when the easy thing to do was to slack off, I had to work my ass off to do well, so I wanted to do that. Now, at Milton, the easy thing to do is just to stress out about everything just like EVERYONE does (and seriously, everyone does, it is absolutely out of fuckin control) and to worry about schoolwork and ahh. So to challenge myself I now have this new goal of wanting to be completely unstressed, to enjoy my junior spring, to have lots of free time and do what i want. But that doesn't mean I don't want to do well. That's the whole thing. The challenge is pulling off keeping my good grades, while absolutely refusing to work my ass off. I don't know why I do it. It would be so easy for me to get my homework done every day, its not like I do anything at all after school anyway. Its just the fact that i don't see the point in doing all the work here. Like, history, i learn the most from the discussions in class. Math, i teach it to myself anyway because i like it. English, I read the books, i write the papers. what more can i do. French, i hate it. i see no point in learning it anymore because I know taht i'll make up for anything i don't do now while i'm actually IN france. And envi sci i do the work and i love it so i work hard. I dunno. I guess its just frustrating when all ANYONE can talk about is the APs and the SATs and college. but its not just discussion. Its like flipping out stress. And i just want to scream at everyone to CALM THE HELL DOWN because they are wasting so many precious minutes by worrying about everything they have to do. I dunno, in some ways, I think I'm lucky in that I CAN pull off doing well without doing any work. I know a lot of people genuinely couldn't do that. Maybe that's the problem. Is that I only see it from my perspective. I made up a week and a half of math homework and studied for the test in two nights, but I still got a perfect score on the test. So its like I can't understand why people get so flipped out crazy about everything. Which is probably really narrow minded. But i just can't get it out of my head that if people simply applied themselves to things they found interesting, and found ways to get involved with things that they really dont enjoy, that life would just be that much more interesting. OK shut up hannah.
in any case. yesterday was the english ap. today was the french ap. english = okay. french = suck my balls. but hopefully it went okay. At least on french, my biggest problem was definitely in the essay. Not that I didn't write it okay. but just that i kept doubting whether i was RIGHT about the meaning of that one word. Friendship. I was right. But because i kept doubting myself, i made a lot of what i said really ambiguous, in case it meant something else. Which was really dumb. LoL.
Emma and i had more dance today, which was a joke. We sat on the floor for most of it with the three dancers who came and just talked and gossiped and were really lame and girly and pretty damn ditzy... but it was fun nonetheless.
Tomorrow's Goals: Get book for science. Get boat dance dress. (Riiight) Can she do it?
love love