"but that vestal light, it burns out with the night"

[hannah_nutwood]

30,177 words! this makes me infinitely happy as i told myself i would try to make it to 29,000 words before going to sleep tonight. then inspiration, long-winded description and a riveting action sequence blasted me well into a cozy 30,000

Comments

[hannah_nutwood]

y'see, i never used to ramble before this month with my writing because, strangely enough, i was afraid to. that inner editor had her thumb on me way too long. it's therapeutic to know that it doesn't matter about the quality of the writing because it can be revised later.

i'm torn between wanting to produce a lengthy novel or something that could potentially become a graphic novel. stardust by neil gaiman and illustrated by charles vess was a very agreeable compromise of words and pictures for me but sometimes i want more pictures and less "he said, she said" blocks of writing. there are only so many synonyms one can use instead of "said" and that is what has been bothering me the most about this story so far. i think i would do the graphic novel style for conversations between the characters but scatter illustrated pages throughout that are all text and maybe just one relevant illustration in the background. in any event, i think the book i write would have to be profusely illustrated. i've come to terms with the fact that i'm a very visual person despite my near-sightedness.

as to the contents of my writing: it's mostly just words. and there's some semblance of a plot in there. ;)

[I think the rules are different for the effort people will invest [in reading a rambling piece of writing], if you're a pretty girl.

no, i think the rules apply to any type of person as long as somebody is interested in them; males and females alike. prettiness/handsomeness can only get somebody so far and it's all relative, but if you have an emotional investment in the person (e.g., you are that person's friend, sibling, beau, stalker, etc.) you don't mind making the effort to read about their thoughts or daily routines.]

evoking memories

[hannah_nutwood]

I still remember how hard we all laughed as dad read Michael Crichton's "Jurassic Park" in the hotel room in London. His constant use of the word "said" didn't endear us to his writing "abilities." I remember wondering how he could earn so much money/be so popular.

Your last comment reminds me of the book I read before S was born, and of course years before you came along. I devoured all 641 pages of "Growing Up Free: Raising Your Child in the 80s" by Letty Cottin Pogrebin. Seems like you pick up some of its wisdom. A quote: "opening all possibilities to children so they are not predestined by gender."

Re: evoking memories

[hannah_nutwood]

yup, that would be what i was referring to. life lessons (substitutes for the word "said") were learned from that book, surprisingly.

"pogrebin"... i am so using that name somewhere in this novel!

[observing_ego]

It sounds like you're a perfectionist. I am too, only I eventually realize that dotting every i and crossing every t in the figurative sense isn't going to happen, so I let things slide. I've read books on creativity, and banishing your inner editor is important.

I'm finding there are spots where I don't want "all action" and I just want to ramble. I'm finding short dialogue there are a lot of those. So I'm thinking I'll have a lot of pictures that include the background, and set a mood, while the words describe something, or explain something. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm meandering in the same direction you are.

[As to the contents of your writing, you're very modest and I suspect that's your perfectionism talking.]

if you're a pretty girl.

That was a thinly veiled attempt at giving you a compliment, because I felt like it. Guys tend to attach their emotions to looks - girls to personality. But I don't really care what you think of me.

[hannah_nutwood]

yeah, i've come to terms with my perfectionism.

[yes i am and yes it is. i've only got a couple confidantes i tell things to and that's the way i like it. gotta keep some mystery in my life... or a lot.]

alright, glad i wasn't misinterpreting there. my reply was a thinly veiled attempt at diverting the conversation away from that particular topic. but as long as that was an observation and not purely flattery, thank you for the compliment.

[observing_ego]

I have no alterior motive, if that's your meaning. And you're welcome.

[hannah_nutwood]

good-o! glad that we've gotten that established.

[observing_ego]

And I apologize if my compliment made you uncomfortable.

[observing_ego]

"To care what other people think, is to be controlled by them" - Voltaire

[hannah_nutwood]

ah, but adding that comment several hours later would imply that part of you does somewhat care about what i think.

i bet voltaire wondered what people would think about that quote when he wrote it. i don't think anybody can not care what other people think completely. it's in our nature to want to gain acceptance.

[observing_ego]

We gain acceptance by volunteering the idea that we don't care if we gain acceptance. [It shows strength through independence.] I can see I won't be fooling /you/!

[hannah_nutwood]

but then you're contradicting yourself and, from my limited experience, being something that you are not only makes you hate yourself [hating the person you're trying to leave behind by becoming something you are not, if you get my meaning].

and also, to volunteer that "you don't care" gives off the vibe that yes, maybe you are an independent type, but even moreso that you're the type that's steeped in apathy. and apathy sucks.

disclaimer! i don't mean to single you out. the same goes for any person. these are just my own observations.

[observing_ego]

but then you're contradicting yourself and,

Oh look! a distraction!

"where?!"

*scampers off*

I'm not steeped in apathy. I'm passionate about a great many topics.

[hannah_nutwood]

i'm sure you are, but in future be careful how/when you use that phrase. people are prone to making assumptions.

[observing_ego]

No. You're prone to making assumptions.

I'm flattered that you would make these attempts to analyze me. But I'm more complex a character than you realize. Like many before me I contain multitudes, and unresolved inner or percieved conflicts come with the territory.

I'm sensitive. I'm artistic. I'm employed in a job that requires intimitation. Sometimes I'm casual. Sometimes I'm an arrogant smiling lothario. Sometimes I'm professional. And sometimes I'm a self loathing celibate virginal hermit. If you only see one side, and thinking I want to be something I'm not, you're missing the bigger picture of who I am.

[I posted it twice to fix gramatical errors. It's been a long day. I just got back from working at a rolling stones concert.]

[hannah_nutwood]

indeed, i am making assumptions because written words do not allow me to hear the inflection of the voice or see the facial expressions. that is what is wrong with the internet and ends up causing so much drama with miscommunication. i meant that if i was making that assumption, others might be assuming the same thing as well if you said "i don't care" to them.

there was no flattery intended. i'm just observing and trying to hash out traits for my own benefit. selfish, i know. i'm sorry if i've offended you, but i was analyzing objectively off of the very little i know about you.