AHHHHHHHHHHHH?
It's a long one...
I can't tell if I'm happy anymore.
I might be, but I don't know if I'm just convincing myself that I'm okay because the idea of being miserable kills me.
I think I am a lot happier at school. At home, I start to lose myself again. I slip into a Hanna that just gets by. Having to worry about keeping my parents happy. It's not even that they are being difficult. I just am not used to doing things just to please them anymore. And I haven't gotten a good chance to meet up with a lot of people from gbn this break. That might be a good thing because I don't know if I am comfortable enough to abandon the unhappy person from high school to be... my present self.
I have to say.. I was extremely unhappy during high school. I was constantly doubting myself and extremely self conscious to an extent that people might not have noticed. And because of that, I don't think I was able to make any LASTING impressions on a lot of my friends. And I missed out on opportunities to meet people that I would have gotten along with. I should have met more people, or gotten to know more about certain people. It helps me learn about myself. Maybe I would have been happier. It scares me to see acquaintances/friends from high school... with the exception of like, Haley. But she has been a friend since 7th grade. So yeah. Part of me is terrified to see people because I almost KNOW that I will be that Hanna again. I become shy and pathetic. I want to abandon that... desperately. On a side note, I'm sick of hiding things about myself like drinking. It's fucking college. Get out of that bubble you live in and deal with it.
...Woah. I never realized I felt so incomplete about certain things until now.
And that's enough complaining for tonight, isn't it? Just something that was.. on my mind.
So, winter break consisted of...
Keeping my grades a secret from my parents
Hiding my annoyance of my cousins
Seeing Robin a couple times!
Working
Shopping for holidays
Baking and Cooking
Becoming a whale :(( NOT. GOOD.
Seeing some GBN PEEPZ. (probably should see more. right?)
Family time
Phone conversations
Seeing Stella! First time in months.
So much television that my brain has melted
Sleeping late
Skype
Being weird
ETC, ETC, ETC.
Now that I have no idea what the flow or organization of this entry is going to follow...
New Year's Eve!
So I went over to Stella's place for NYE to sleep over. And not seeing her in forever was pretty craptastic. But yesssss, so we decide that only experiencing beer + vodka + wine is not enough for a college student. And we celebrate the new decade with a stupid, stupid decision to drink a lot. We had... a bottle of champagne, shots of rum, whiskey, tequila, and to top it off with wine. So yeah. mixing that many drinks. Dumb. Dumb. And drinking as much as we did... dumb. dumb. Had the worst hangover. Felt like puking, but couldn't because my mother would think something suspicious was up. Blech.
But I had an otherwise wonderful time. We watched Supernatural and did puzzles. And that was perfectly fun for me! :D
So here are some goals Robin and I came up with for the next semester
1) Meet a new person every week.
2) Actually work out… we mean it.
3) Stay on top of our work. Be proactive!
4) Cook a healthy meal every 2 weeks.
5) Get shitfaced once a month.
6) Find jobs.
7) Find boys, not tools or d-bags.
8) Wear clothes.
9) Do one thing a week that makes us happy.
10) Learn a new skill.
11) Learn/explore new neighborhoods.
12) Learn to love UIC.
13) Be nicer.
14) Find Wes a boy toy.
15) Keep it classy.
This seems like a good way to end this.
So keep it classy.
I can't tell if I'm happy anymore.
I might be, but I don't know if I'm just convincing myself that I'm okay because the idea of being miserable kills me.
I think I am a lot happier at school. At home, I start to lose myself again. I slip into a Hanna that just gets by. Having to worry about keeping my parents happy. It's not even that they are being difficult. I just am not used to doing things just to please them anymore. And I haven't gotten a good chance to meet up with a lot of people from gbn this break. That might be a good thing because I don't know if I am comfortable enough to abandon the unhappy person from high school to be... my present self.
I have to say.. I was extremely unhappy during high school. I was constantly doubting myself and extremely self conscious to an extent that people might not have noticed. And because of that, I don't think I was able to make any LASTING impressions on a lot of my friends. And I missed out on opportunities to meet people that I would have gotten along with. I should have met more people, or gotten to know more about certain people. It helps me learn about myself. Maybe I would have been happier. It scares me to see acquaintances/friends from high school... with the exception of like, Haley. But she has been a friend since 7th grade. So yeah. Part of me is terrified to see people because I almost KNOW that I will be that Hanna again. I become shy and pathetic. I want to abandon that... desperately. On a side note, I'm sick of hiding things about myself like drinking. It's fucking college. Get out of that bubble you live in and deal with it.
...Woah. I never realized I felt so incomplete about certain things until now.
And that's enough complaining for tonight, isn't it? Just something that was.. on my mind.
So, winter break consisted of...
Keeping my grades a secret from my parents
Hiding my annoyance of my cousins
Seeing Robin a couple times!
Working
Shopping for holidays
Baking and Cooking
Becoming a whale :(( NOT. GOOD.
Seeing some GBN PEEPZ. (probably should see more. right?)
Family time
Phone conversations
Seeing Stella! First time in months.
So much television that my brain has melted
Sleeping late
Skype
Being weird
ETC, ETC, ETC.
Now that I have no idea what the flow or organization of this entry is going to follow...
New Year's Eve!
So I went over to Stella's place for NYE to sleep over. And not seeing her in forever was pretty craptastic. But yesssss, so we decide that only experiencing beer + vodka + wine is not enough for a college student. And we celebrate the new decade with a stupid, stupid decision to drink a lot. We had... a bottle of champagne, shots of rum, whiskey, tequila, and to top it off with wine. So yeah. mixing that many drinks. Dumb. Dumb. And drinking as much as we did... dumb. dumb. Had the worst hangover. Felt like puking, but couldn't because my mother would think something suspicious was up. Blech.
But I had an otherwise wonderful time. We watched Supernatural and did puzzles. And that was perfectly fun for me! :D
So here are some goals Robin and I came up with for the next semester
1) Meet a new person every week.
2) Actually work out… we mean it.
3) Stay on top of our work. Be proactive!
4) Cook a healthy meal every 2 weeks.
5) Get shitfaced once a month.
6) Find jobs.
7) Find boys, not tools or d-bags.
8) Wear clothes.
9) Do one thing a week that makes us happy.
10) Learn a new skill.
11) Learn/explore new neighborhoods.
12) Learn to love UIC.
13) Be nicer.
14) Find Wes a boy toy.
15) Keep it classy.
This seems like a good way to end this.
So keep it classy.