Thinking too much
I found out today that the reason my friend doesn't have a mom is because she passed away from leukemia when my friend was 10. I never knew. I've spent the past year becoming great friends with her but I never knew. I think I just assumed all sorts of things.
Sometimes I begin to think about my mortality, and then I quickly silence my thoughts because I don't want to go down that road. It brings too much useless fear and sadness.
I was wondering in the car earlier today... what if I was the one who had leukemia instead of my brother? Would I have made it? How would my childhood have been different? Would I have been strong enough?
I seem to have a lot of fears. But on that list also is ending up like my aunt. Lying on a hospital bed, can't talk, alone. Having herds of people who didn't understand come to say their goodbyes, can't breathe, alone. Having to leave children when they start college, dying, alone. I would just feel so alone. And I can see that there are people in the room with you, but when you leave.. you're by yourself.
I don't want to get cancer, but it feels so damn common all around me sometimes. Can't escape it.
I think I shouldn't think too much... funny.
Sometimes I begin to think about my mortality, and then I quickly silence my thoughts because I don't want to go down that road. It brings too much useless fear and sadness.
I was wondering in the car earlier today... what if I was the one who had leukemia instead of my brother? Would I have made it? How would my childhood have been different? Would I have been strong enough?
I seem to have a lot of fears. But on that list also is ending up like my aunt. Lying on a hospital bed, can't talk, alone. Having herds of people who didn't understand come to say their goodbyes, can't breathe, alone. Having to leave children when they start college, dying, alone. I would just feel so alone. And I can see that there are people in the room with you, but when you leave.. you're by yourself.
I don't want to get cancer, but it feels so damn common all around me sometimes. Can't escape it.
I think I shouldn't think too much... funny.