The steps of recovery; PG-13; 1/?
Key was the first one to arrive to the small room with five chairs arranged as a circle in the middle. The walls were painted white and covered with motivational posters like “You’re not alone with your problems!” and “One step at a time!” Key wrinkled his nose in disgust. Two minutes in the room and he already wanted to leave. It’s not like it was his decision to be there in the first place. His excuse of a father had said he would stop paying for Key’s studies unless he attended so here he was. Sighing loudly Key chose the chair facing the door. A few minutes later the door opened and a tall, handsome boy entered the room. He looked around carefully before landing his eyes on Key.
“This is the AA meeting?” the boy asked and his voice was pleasantly low. Key just nodded, not bothering to answer properly. The other didn’t seem to mind and took the chair opposite Key. A silence fell to the room as both sat there lost in their thoughts. Key let his eyes wander around the other boy. He had big, dark eyes and he looked like some sort of athletic. Even the loose clothes couldn’t hide the muscles underneath.
Key’s thoughts were interrupted as the door opened again and this time two persons entered. Other was a short boy wearing a tank top and jeans, his hair dyed blonde. Behind him was a boy, he looked like just a kid, who was wearing a big hoodie and seemed to try his best to hide his face behind his long, auburn hair. The blonde one gave a crooked grin before sitting next to Key. The young boy seemed hesitant and didn’t move from the door.
“Come on, Taemin. Come sit here next to me”, the blonde said cheerfully and patted the seat between him and the dark haired man. The boy, Taemin, slowly made his way to the others and sat down. He looked too young to even be there, Key thought. Taemin was biting his lower lip and kept his gaze at his feet. The blonde man just kept grinning and humming some annoyingly happy tune.
“Where is the person who’s supposed to lead this group?” the blonde asked looking around the room, as if the said person would be hiding somewhere in the corners.
“I don’t know but he’s late already”, the dark haired man retorted, glancing at his watch. Key was about to start a rant about how impolite it was being late but the door flew open and a flushed looking man rushed in.
“Sorry I’m late!” the person apologized and flashed the widest smile Key had ever seen. His brown hair was a mess and there was hint of red in his round cheeks. Clearly he had run there. The man sat to the only chair available and rummaged through his bag.
“I’m usually never late but my car broke down and I had to take the bus”, the man explained, a bit out of breath. Key decided he didn’t like this person. Too happy and too talkative. Finally the man sat straight, holding a notepad in his hands and letting his eyes study their faces.
“Let’s start with introductions then. I’m Lee Jinki, 21 and I my addiction is food”, Jinki said smiling brightly. Key automatically scanned the man’s body. Surely he couldn’t be addicted to food, he was too fit. Or maybe he threw up everything he ate, that would explain it.
“I’ve been through this same programme last year so I know what you guys are going trough”, Jinki continued, giving them a sympathetic look.
“Aren’t you a bit too young to do this kind of thing”, the blonde blurted. Jinki just laughed.
“I suppose I’m not what you expected. I’m however majoring in psychology and know what I’m talking about so I’m sure we’ll do just fine”, Jinki explained. “This is the ‘junior group’ anyway so maybe you feel more at ease with someone your own age”. The blonde just shrugged and seemed to be happy with that. Key was boiling inside. If he had to sit here every damn Monday and Thursday couldn’t he even get a proper instructor?
“So who wants to be next?” Jinki asked. “Just your name, age and addiction is enough for now.”
“I can continue as I’m next in line”, the dark haired man offered and Jinki gave him a nod.
“Uhm, so. My name is Choi Minho, I’m currently 19 and my addiction is sports”, Minho was speaking quietly but kept his stare level.
“Nice to meet you, Minho”, Jinki gave the man a genuine smile. Then he moved his attention to Taemin, giving him encouraging nod.
“MynameisTaemin”, Taemin was speaking so quickly it was hard to make out the words. The blonde man put his arm around Taemin shoulders and squeezed.
“’s okay, Taemin. We are all going through the same shit, no need to be ashamed”, the man grinned.
“Mind your language”, Jinki warned, his voice soft. “But he’s right, Taemin, everything you say stays inside these walls”.
“My name is Lee Taemin and I’m 18”, Taemin’s voice was a bit stronger as he continued. “My addiction is alcohol”.
“That’s my boy”, the blonde patted Taemins’s head gently, earning a small smile from the boy.
“Nice to meet you, Taemin”, Jinki said. “Do you know each other from before?”
“Nope, just met him while walking here”, the blonde answered for Taemin. “I’m Jonghyun by the way, I’m 20 but my birthday is coming soon. And yeah my addiction is gambling.” That lopsided grin was spread across his face again.
“Nice to meet you Jonghyun, good to see you’re not afraid to talk about things”. Jinki’s laughter was pleasant. Key wondered if anything could wipe that stupid smile off of the man’s face. He realised it was his turn as all the eyes were fixed on him.
“I’m Key, I’m 19 and my addiction is sex”, Key didn’t bother hiding the boredom in his voice. He enjoyed the shocked looks that spread across Taemin’s and Jonghyun’s faces. He really didn’t have a problem but his father insisted that his lifestyle was going to slowly destroy him and all that shit. Like he was the only young man having one night stands, Key snorted mentally. He was here only to please his father but there was no way he was saying that aloud. He knew they would insist he was denying his problems and blah blah blah.
“Is Key your real name?” Taemin asked and then blushed fiercely. Clearly he hadn’t intended on opening his mouth. Key was about to say something about the boy being an idiot but the look on Taemin’s face made him change his mind. He was only a kid after all.
“No, it’s just a nickname”, Key answered instead.
“It’s a nice one and everything but I’d like to call you by your given name if that’s okay”. Jinki was writing something in his notepad looking all thoughtful. Key wanted to say no but that would’ve been pointless.
“Fine. The name’s Kim Kibum.”
“Hey cool, we have the same surname!” Jonghyun announced happily.
“Isn’t that just fascinating”, Key murmured under his breath.
“Now that we’re all know each other by name, let me tell you a bit about the program”, Jinki said and started speaking about the 12 steps and timetables and such. Key stopped paying attention after the first two sentences. He wasn’t here to “get a fresh start” as Jinki so nicely put it. He was here so he could continue studying fashion. Key studied the other people in the room. It was always good to know people better then they knew you.
Jonghyun was leaning his elbows in his knees and nodding at everything Jinki said. The boy seemed the type to blurt out whatever crossed his mind. Key wasn’t too fond of people like him. Key wasn’t afraid to speak his mind but at least he knew when to shut up. Taemin was hiding behind his hair again, biting his lip. He seemed small and fragile. He was so cute it was ridiculous but Key was quite sure the boy himself wasn’t aware of that. Minho had his arms crossed over his chest and his eyes were serious as he stared at Jinki. He was gorgeous, that much was obvious, but other than that he wasn’t that easy to read. And finally Jinki, the support person who just didn’t seem to be able to stop smiling. Honestly, he had that goofy smile on even when he was talking about how they probably felt like they were at the very bottom. Key sighed. He was supposed to spend four hours a week with this bunch of, of what, Key didn’t even know.
“That’s all for now, any questions?” Jinki had clearly come to the end of his speech. Everyone shook their heads. “Okay, then let’s start with the diary you’ll be keeping this whole time.” Jinki gave each of them notebooks much similar to the one he was writing in. Key looked at the one in his hand with disgust. He had never kept a diary and wasn’t about to start now.
“I want you to write there at least after every meeting we have but of course it’s better the more you write”, Jinki gave instructions “Write about what we have discussed about and how it made you feel. Write about the small and big things in your life, the ones that make you smile and the ones that make you want to cry your eyes out. It’s your diary, you can decide what’s inside it. Just remember that writing down your thoughts can help you see things more clearly.”
Key wanted to roll his eyes. If things only were that easy. As if keeping some fucking diary would make any difference. Dear Diary, my father is an asshole and my so called friends are never there for me. The only person I’ve ever cared for turned his back on me because I refused to change who I am. Yours truly, Key. Fuck this shit. The stupid notepad was going to stay as empty as it was now.
“Tonight I want you to write down how you feel about your life right now and why you want it to change. Also, imagine what it’s going to be like when the addiction won’t be your everything. You can look back at the text when you feel down and remember why, exactly, you can’t give up”, Jinki told them. Jonghyun was still nodding and Taemin looked at the notebook in his hands with determination. He seemed just the type to keep diary anyways.
“That’s all for now, see you on Thursday and thanks for this session”, Jinki said finally and everybody started gathering their belongings. Key nearly ran out of the room and into his car. He was going to go and dance and find someone to keep him occupied so he could just forget about the whole thing. I only promised to attend this stupid little society of addicts for a few months, Key thought while starting the engine, and then I can leave and never look back. It was going to be the longest months of his life, it seemed.
“This is the AA meeting?” the boy asked and his voice was pleasantly low. Key just nodded, not bothering to answer properly. The other didn’t seem to mind and took the chair opposite Key. A silence fell to the room as both sat there lost in their thoughts. Key let his eyes wander around the other boy. He had big, dark eyes and he looked like some sort of athletic. Even the loose clothes couldn’t hide the muscles underneath.
Key’s thoughts were interrupted as the door opened again and this time two persons entered. Other was a short boy wearing a tank top and jeans, his hair dyed blonde. Behind him was a boy, he looked like just a kid, who was wearing a big hoodie and seemed to try his best to hide his face behind his long, auburn hair. The blonde one gave a crooked grin before sitting next to Key. The young boy seemed hesitant and didn’t move from the door.
“Come on, Taemin. Come sit here next to me”, the blonde said cheerfully and patted the seat between him and the dark haired man. The boy, Taemin, slowly made his way to the others and sat down. He looked too young to even be there, Key thought. Taemin was biting his lower lip and kept his gaze at his feet. The blonde man just kept grinning and humming some annoyingly happy tune.
“Where is the person who’s supposed to lead this group?” the blonde asked looking around the room, as if the said person would be hiding somewhere in the corners.
“I don’t know but he’s late already”, the dark haired man retorted, glancing at his watch. Key was about to start a rant about how impolite it was being late but the door flew open and a flushed looking man rushed in.
“Sorry I’m late!” the person apologized and flashed the widest smile Key had ever seen. His brown hair was a mess and there was hint of red in his round cheeks. Clearly he had run there. The man sat to the only chair available and rummaged through his bag.
“I’m usually never late but my car broke down and I had to take the bus”, the man explained, a bit out of breath. Key decided he didn’t like this person. Too happy and too talkative. Finally the man sat straight, holding a notepad in his hands and letting his eyes study their faces.
“Let’s start with introductions then. I’m Lee Jinki, 21 and I my addiction is food”, Jinki said smiling brightly. Key automatically scanned the man’s body. Surely he couldn’t be addicted to food, he was too fit. Or maybe he threw up everything he ate, that would explain it.
“I’ve been through this same programme last year so I know what you guys are going trough”, Jinki continued, giving them a sympathetic look.
“Aren’t you a bit too young to do this kind of thing”, the blonde blurted. Jinki just laughed.
“I suppose I’m not what you expected. I’m however majoring in psychology and know what I’m talking about so I’m sure we’ll do just fine”, Jinki explained. “This is the ‘junior group’ anyway so maybe you feel more at ease with someone your own age”. The blonde just shrugged and seemed to be happy with that. Key was boiling inside. If he had to sit here every damn Monday and Thursday couldn’t he even get a proper instructor?
“So who wants to be next?” Jinki asked. “Just your name, age and addiction is enough for now.”
“I can continue as I’m next in line”, the dark haired man offered and Jinki gave him a nod.
“Uhm, so. My name is Choi Minho, I’m currently 19 and my addiction is sports”, Minho was speaking quietly but kept his stare level.
“Nice to meet you, Minho”, Jinki gave the man a genuine smile. Then he moved his attention to Taemin, giving him encouraging nod.
“MynameisTaemin”, Taemin was speaking so quickly it was hard to make out the words. The blonde man put his arm around Taemin shoulders and squeezed.
“’s okay, Taemin. We are all going through the same shit, no need to be ashamed”, the man grinned.
“Mind your language”, Jinki warned, his voice soft. “But he’s right, Taemin, everything you say stays inside these walls”.
“My name is Lee Taemin and I’m 18”, Taemin’s voice was a bit stronger as he continued. “My addiction is alcohol”.
“That’s my boy”, the blonde patted Taemins’s head gently, earning a small smile from the boy.
“Nice to meet you, Taemin”, Jinki said. “Do you know each other from before?”
“Nope, just met him while walking here”, the blonde answered for Taemin. “I’m Jonghyun by the way, I’m 20 but my birthday is coming soon. And yeah my addiction is gambling.” That lopsided grin was spread across his face again.
“Nice to meet you Jonghyun, good to see you’re not afraid to talk about things”. Jinki’s laughter was pleasant. Key wondered if anything could wipe that stupid smile off of the man’s face. He realised it was his turn as all the eyes were fixed on him.
“I’m Key, I’m 19 and my addiction is sex”, Key didn’t bother hiding the boredom in his voice. He enjoyed the shocked looks that spread across Taemin’s and Jonghyun’s faces. He really didn’t have a problem but his father insisted that his lifestyle was going to slowly destroy him and all that shit. Like he was the only young man having one night stands, Key snorted mentally. He was here only to please his father but there was no way he was saying that aloud. He knew they would insist he was denying his problems and blah blah blah.
“Is Key your real name?” Taemin asked and then blushed fiercely. Clearly he hadn’t intended on opening his mouth. Key was about to say something about the boy being an idiot but the look on Taemin’s face made him change his mind. He was only a kid after all.
“No, it’s just a nickname”, Key answered instead.
“It’s a nice one and everything but I’d like to call you by your given name if that’s okay”. Jinki was writing something in his notepad looking all thoughtful. Key wanted to say no but that would’ve been pointless.
“Fine. The name’s Kim Kibum.”
“Hey cool, we have the same surname!” Jonghyun announced happily.
“Isn’t that just fascinating”, Key murmured under his breath.
“Now that we’re all know each other by name, let me tell you a bit about the program”, Jinki said and started speaking about the 12 steps and timetables and such. Key stopped paying attention after the first two sentences. He wasn’t here to “get a fresh start” as Jinki so nicely put it. He was here so he could continue studying fashion. Key studied the other people in the room. It was always good to know people better then they knew you.
Jonghyun was leaning his elbows in his knees and nodding at everything Jinki said. The boy seemed the type to blurt out whatever crossed his mind. Key wasn’t too fond of people like him. Key wasn’t afraid to speak his mind but at least he knew when to shut up. Taemin was hiding behind his hair again, biting his lip. He seemed small and fragile. He was so cute it was ridiculous but Key was quite sure the boy himself wasn’t aware of that. Minho had his arms crossed over his chest and his eyes were serious as he stared at Jinki. He was gorgeous, that much was obvious, but other than that he wasn’t that easy to read. And finally Jinki, the support person who just didn’t seem to be able to stop smiling. Honestly, he had that goofy smile on even when he was talking about how they probably felt like they were at the very bottom. Key sighed. He was supposed to spend four hours a week with this bunch of, of what, Key didn’t even know.
“That’s all for now, any questions?” Jinki had clearly come to the end of his speech. Everyone shook their heads. “Okay, then let’s start with the diary you’ll be keeping this whole time.” Jinki gave each of them notebooks much similar to the one he was writing in. Key looked at the one in his hand with disgust. He had never kept a diary and wasn’t about to start now.
“I want you to write there at least after every meeting we have but of course it’s better the more you write”, Jinki gave instructions “Write about what we have discussed about and how it made you feel. Write about the small and big things in your life, the ones that make you smile and the ones that make you want to cry your eyes out. It’s your diary, you can decide what’s inside it. Just remember that writing down your thoughts can help you see things more clearly.”
Key wanted to roll his eyes. If things only were that easy. As if keeping some fucking diary would make any difference. Dear Diary, my father is an asshole and my so called friends are never there for me. The only person I’ve ever cared for turned his back on me because I refused to change who I am. Yours truly, Key. Fuck this shit. The stupid notepad was going to stay as empty as it was now.
“Tonight I want you to write down how you feel about your life right now and why you want it to change. Also, imagine what it’s going to be like when the addiction won’t be your everything. You can look back at the text when you feel down and remember why, exactly, you can’t give up”, Jinki told them. Jonghyun was still nodding and Taemin looked at the notebook in his hands with determination. He seemed just the type to keep diary anyways.
“That’s all for now, see you on Thursday and thanks for this session”, Jinki said finally and everybody started gathering their belongings. Key nearly ran out of the room and into his car. He was going to go and dance and find someone to keep him occupied so he could just forget about the whole thing. I only promised to attend this stupid little society of addicts for a few months, Key thought while starting the engine, and then I can leave and never look back. It was going to be the longest months of his life, it seemed.