[One-shot] Voices of my Heart
Title: Voices of my Heart
Pairing(s): Akame, RyoUchi
Rating: pg 13
Genre: Romance, Angst
Summary: Akanishi Jin is a guy full of life and happiness. He have great friends Uchi & Ryo. and a perfect boyfriend Kame. His life was fine until ... an accident made him lose his ability to hear as well as losing his voice. He started to learn sign language and see life in a different way, finding it hard to communicate with others in his situation. Jin felt alone and lost. Jin wanted at least Kame to understand him but simple thing in their daily life start to make things worse to the couple. Kame tried his best to understand Jin but it was too much for him and a fight that make Jin break down....
Note: Requested by sososo21 Here
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His life was full of happiness. He had great friends and a perfect boyfriend. He was happy.
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“Kame!”
Jin waved when he saw his boyfriend entering the café, a large smile soon appeared on his face, something that had not left unnoticed by his two close friends, Ryo and Uchi. The two looked at each other and nodded amicably.
Jin immediately stood up when Kame neared their table, holding him by the waist as he guided them to their seat.
“What a gentleman.” Ryo whispered to Uchi’s ear to which the latter responded by smiling.
“Ano … Ryo … Uchi … This is … Kame …” Jin stuttered, pointing towards his boyfriend.
“Kamenashi Kazuya.” Kame bowed.
“Hello, Kame-chan! I’m Uchi Hiroki, just call me Uchi. And this guy next to me is Ryo-chan, my sweet bunny!” Uchi responded with a big smile, clinging onto Ryo’s arm as he said that.
“Sweet bunny?” Ryo shrieked, turning to face Uchi in disbelief. “Can’t you think of anything more creative?”
“Like what?”
“Boyfriend …”
“Too plain.”
“You’re calling me plain???”
Kame blinked, his eyes glancing from Ryo to Uchi, the two seemed to seem to be in their own world.
Noticing the amused expression on Kame’s face, Jin leaned closer to him, “Don’t mind them. That’s their way of expressing their love to one another. Ryo has a really sharp tongue, and only Uchi is able to tame him. They bicker always but usually it’s Ryo who would admit defeat in the end. After all he can’t resist his princess.” He smirked.
Kame nodded in understanding.
“Oii, I heard that!”
Jin smiled apologetically at his friend, “I’m just stating a fact, Ryo.”
“Shut up!” Ryo glared at him hard.
Uchi hit his lover hard on the head as he glanced at Kame with a gentle smile. “Kame-chan, please don’t be scared of Ryo-chan, okay? Like Jin had said, he has a poison tongue but if you know him really well, he’s actually nice and a real sweetheart!” He looked at Ryo lovingly.
Kame smiled. Ryo however begged to differ as he crossed his arms.
“Anyway, I’m really happy to have met you! Jin here had been ranting about you for the past few months. His body radiated so much happiness. It was the first time that we had seen Jin like that, so madly in love. We wanted to meet the person who made Jin that happy, and I’m glad that chance finally came! Because you know what … just by meeting you for the first time, I think I’m starting to like you!”
Kame looked down shyly, “Thank you …”
“We’re going to be great friends, Kame-chan!” Uchi added.
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His boyfriend was his everything, his universe. He wanted them to be together forever.
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The minute the music started, Jin grabbed Kame with his right hand, guiding him into position. They both stared into each other’s eyes for what seemed like eternity, before embracing, their bodies swaying to the beautiful music.
“I love you, Kame. You meant so much to me.” Jin whispered to the younger one’s ear. “My life is perfect before I met you, but meeting you, loving you, made it even better. You filled the hole in my heart that I never thought I had until now. Loving someone is like this …”
Kame felt touched at those words. He didn’t know what to say.
“You’re important to me too, Jin. You’re the prince that I’ve been waiting for all these years. I’m glad that god showed me the path to where he is, because now, I found you.”
“So that makes you my princess.” Jin glanced at Kame, arms still on his waist.
“Well I don’t mind, as long as you’re by my side. Whatever sweet names you call me, I’ll accept it wholeheartedly. What matters most to me, is you, Jin. I want to be your princess for today, tomorrow, and forever. Can I?”
“Of course you can, sweetheart. You didn’t have to ask for permission.” Jin brushed Kame’s hair gently, “We’ll be together forever. I’ll make sure of that.”
Kame hugged Jin, and smiled blissfully.
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He didn’t know that happiness won’t last forever.
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Jin tried to brake and swerve his car, but there wasn’t enough time. Luck wasn’t on his side as the shining light from opposite blinded him, a loud crashing could be heard but after that, he could hear nothing at all as eternal darkness overcame him.
“Jin! Please stay strong! Don’t leave me, please! You promised that we’ll be together forever! You promised!”
Hearing those words, Jin felt sad. He tried his best to fight for his life, for the one he love.
“Jin!!! Please …”
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That fateful accident took something away from him. He acted on impulse, not realising that he had hurt the one he truly love.
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Jin tried to talk again but no words came from his mouth, no matter how many times he tried.
“What do you mean he can’t talk or hear? Don’t joke around here!!” Ryo grabbed the doctor’s collar angrily, his eyes blazing with fire at the old man. Uchi hurriedly went to Ryo and pulled him away from the doctor, calming his lover.
Jin looked at Ryo. He didn’t understand a word he had said. He couldn’t talk, couldn’t even hear! Suddenly realising this fact, Jin clenched his blanket tightly. He didn’t know that life would be so cold and empty, without sound, his world felt so numb.
“I’m sorry, Nishikido-kun. We didn’t expect this to happen. Perhaps it is the case of a trauma due to the accident. We have to do tests to find out the real reason.” The doctor said.
“Tests? Aren’t you a doctor? You should know everything!” Ryo shouted.
“Ryo!!!!” Uchi bowed at the doctor. “I apologise on his behalf.”
“What the hell are you saying sorry for?”
“Ryo!!” Uchi clamped his lover’s mouth to shut him up.
Kame glanced at Jin worriedly. He couldn’t imagine Jin’s feelings, it must have hurt, really hurt. He sat next to Jin on the bed, his arms reaching out towards him, wrapping them around Jin’s shoulder. He was met with surprised and hurt as he found himself on the floor, being pushed violently by Jin.
I don’t need your pity!
Jin shouted though he knew there was no sound. Ryo and Uchi froze, witnessing that action.
“Kame!” Uchi rushed towards his friend the instant he recovered from his shock, Ryo still looked at Jin in pure disbelief. Uchi helped Kame to his feet, comforting him. “Let’s leave Jin alone. He needs time to accept this.”
Kame took one glance at Jin sadly before letting Uchi guide him out of the hospital room.
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He didn’t see the tears in his lover’s eyes. He had been too oblivious to notice.
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Jin sat on the corner of the couch as he watched his friends chatted animatedly, laughing over what, he didn’t know. He couldn’t understand anything at all! Clenching his fists, Jin flashed a bitter smile. He didn’t know how much longer he could stand all this.
“Sorry for waiting! Here are the drinks!” Kame entered the living room with a cheerful smile on his face, settling the tray on the coffee table. He handed Jin his glass, only to be shoved away by Jin, causing the glass to shatter into thousands of pieces. Kame looked down, and bit his lips, his tears forcing to fall any second. Without caring anything, Jin got up and headed towards the bedroom.
“Jin!!” Ryo wanted to reprimand his friend but Kame stopped him.
“It’s okay, Ryo! It’s okay.” Kame flashed his friends a sad expression, it hurt them seeing their friend like this. Kame turned his attention to the shattered glasses, he began picking them carefully. “It’s not Jin’s fault. What I feel now is nothing compared to what Jin feels. I couldn’t even do anything for him. I only made things worse.”
Ryo and Uchi kept silent, not wanting to add more to Kame’s pain.
“I can only be there for Jin.”
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For the sake of love, he tried to adapt to the changes but it was not as easy as he thought it would be. It was pure struggle and torture, he never felt this lonely and alone. It was as if he lived in a world of his own.
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Jin started to learn sign language but he vowed to not use it unless he really needed it, thinking that his life was pathetic, needing that to communicate with people. Kame, on the other hand, took up sign language classes in secret, finding a way to communicate with his beloved.
Kame was hopeful that things would return to what it had been before, though it would not be the same.
Jin stood on the busy streets of Shibuya, the place he frequent went with his beloved, now became an empty place with no sound. People chatting, cars screeching, advertisements shown on the wide screen, the sound of traffic light, he couldn’t hear them anymore. Hell, he had forgotten how they sounded like, being trapped in a world of silence.
“This is useless.” He thought.
Living a life like this was meaningless, as Jin stared emotionlessly onto the busy road. The traffic light had gone red but he took a step forward and another and another, just when he thought a car would run into him, he was suddenly being pulled back to safety.
“What do you think you’re doing?” A voice shouted at him, his tone shaking.
The person who had saved him was none other than Kame, his boyfriend.
“How can you be selfish as to end your life like that? I nearly lost you! I don’t want to lose you for real!” Kame shouted though he knew Jin would not understand a thing he had said. To emphasise his feelings, he hugged Jin tightly, refusing to let the warmth go. “Don’t leave me, Jin. Please …”
Jin might not know what Kame had said but he knew that his boyfriend was sobbing uncontrollably. He could feel the shaking body of Kame’s. Slowly but hesitantly, Jin placed his arms around Kame’s waist, biting his lips.
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He tried to make him understand, but he could not.
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Jin tried to communicate with Kame though no words would come out. He had refused to use sign language when it comes to communicating with his boyfriend. He had mouthed out words, hoping that Kame would understand but to no avail. Kame looked at Jin apologetically.
Is there something that you want, Jin?
Kame had written that sentence on a notebook and showed it to Jin. Instead of writing back his answer, Jin stubbornly tried to communicate with Kame using the earlier option, mouthing out his sentences, this time slowly.
I’m sorry, Jin. I don’t understand. Maybe you could just …
Jin snatched the notebook away from Kame, writing something rather quickly.
You could just leave. I’m tired.
Kame was too shock to even take the notebook back in his hands. He stared at Jin, his heart throbbed with pain. Though hurt, Kame nodded his head, flashing a fake smile. He took one last glance at Jin before heading out of the apartment.
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He had lost it when it was confirmed that his hearing and voice was lost forever.
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Jin had taken his frustration at Kame, using sign language for the first time with him. He had wanted to be alone but Kame had suddenly invaded his privacy by coming into his apartment without informing. Kame, of course, had no intention of that. Kame had come to give his boyfriend his support, to tell him that no matter what, he would be there for Jin. But being an idiot he was, Jin took it the wrong way.
So you’re here to mock at me about my disability?
Kame was taken aback. He gave Jin his answer, his expression firm.
I’m not here for that! I’m here for you! I want us to go through this together! You’re not alone, Jin!
Jin rolled his eyes.
I am alone! It’s only me in my world now, not Ryo, not Uchi or you! Can’t you even understand a simple thing like that? You don’t know how I feel because it’s not you who can’t talk or hear, damn it!
I know, Jin. But at least, let me be there for you.
For how long? One month … two months? Who would be stupid enough to be with a disabled person like me? When you’ve got enough of it, you’ll leave me.
Kame forced Jin to look into his eyes as he grabbed his shoulders.
I won’t leave you! Don’t you have faith in me, Jin?
Ignoring Kame’s words, Jin pushed him off him, his eyes burned with anger.
I’m sick of all this! Maybe it’s better if we just …
Kame looked at Jin, the fear of losing Jin suddenly resurfaced in an instant. He hoped it was not what he thought it was that what Jin was going to say was just his imagination.
… go our own separate ways …
Kame froze. He was unable to react or voice out his disagreement over that matter. It was hard to believe that those words would come out from Jin, though through sign language. It hurts badly. Kame’s eyes cluttered with tears as he looked up at Jin, his former lover. He got up from the floor and gave Jin his reply.
If that’s what you want then fine, whatever.
With that, Kame grabbed his bag and jacket, and walked out of Akanshi Jin’s apartment forever. Jin remained rooted to his position as he stared emotionlessly at the door. His expression was calm but why did his heart hurt?
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Without him, he was really lonely. Jin only realised it until it was too late.
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How long had it been? Without Kame by his side, supporting and cheering him up. His life seemed more dull than ever before, only now that he realised that a life with Kame was filled with pure happiness, something that he had taken for granted due to the twist of event in his life.
Send him an email or something, you idiot! Are you going to just wait forever for him to come back?
Ryo shoved the notebook back to Jin, his eyes glaring at him, as if sending a message across. The three best friends had gathered in a Café, sitting in a secluded corner. The bell suddenly rings, signalling a new customer coming in, causing Jin to forget about Ryo’s question as he looked up to the entrance of the Café. His smile however faded away the minute he saw who it was, Kame and a pretty girl walking in, laughing as they settled down on a booth near the entrance.
Seeing this image made Jin realised something.
Kame was happy even without him by his side. He didn’t need to be burdened with a disabled person like him. Jin decided, at this point of time, to get out of Kame’s life forever.
“Oi, Jin?”
Jin bit his lips, looking sadly at Kame’s direction.
Sayonara, Kame.
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“What? You’re really going to give up on Kame, just because you saw him laughing with a random girl?” Ryo passed Jin the notebook as he crossed his arms, staring at his friend in disbelief.
Kame’s happy, Ryo. I can’t possibly snatch his happiness away from him, right?
Uchi snatched the notebook and scribbled something in a hurry, shoving it in front of Jin’s face.
But Kame’s happiness lies in you, Jin!
Jin’s emotions wavered at that sentence, his eyes started to water. His body felt numb when Uchi grabbed him by the shoulder, the latter trying his best to make him understand, but Jin only flashed a weak smile in return.
If I stay by his side, I would only hurt him more. I don’t want to hurt him anymore. I can’t...
Jin stared at what he had written down before showing it to his friends.
If you really love someone and want him to have his freedom, you have to let him go, right? Even if it hurts, it’s for the best. A world without Kame might not be that bad...
“Jin ...”
He looked away, a tear fell from his eyes without him realising.
-
Kame sat on one of the seats in the Departure area. He had decided to return to his family home in Hokkaido. There was nothing left for him in Tokyo. He had been all set to go home but something was pushing him back. Kame looked down to the notebook Uchi had given him the day before, with uncertainty.
Please, Kame, before you leave, read this notebook! It’s important!!! After reading it, it’s your decision whether you still want to leave.
Kame glanced at his wrist watch, realising that he had more than enough time to complete Uchi’s request. It wouldn’t hurt to read this notebook of Jin’s. It wasn’t as if reading it would return Jin back to him. It wouldn’t.
He sighed, randomly flipping to a page.
Kame’s smiling and laughing with her, unlike me, I only bring him tears.
Kame recognised that as Jin’s handwriting.
What? You’re really going to give up on Kame, just because you saw him laughing with a random girl?
Kame’s happy, that’s what is important, Ryo. I can’t possibly snatch his happiness away from him, right?
But Kame’s happiness lies in you, Jin!
If I stay by his side, I would only hurt him more. I don’t want to hurt him anymore. I can’t... If you really love someone and want him to have his freedom, you have to let him go, right? Even if it hurts, it’s for the best. A world without Kame might not be that bad...
Kame’s eyes glittered with tears as he touched the smudged ink, probably due to Jin’s tear. He braved himself to read the last words below...
Honestly, a world without Kame seemed darker than when I lost my voice and hearing. I don’t know if I can continue on living like this. I don’t know if I can be strong anymore, because without Kame, this life seemed pointless...
God, why must you take everything from me? Even my beloved Kame...
He was my strength and now he’s gone.
Kame imagined Jin forcing a smile at that point of time as he continued reading.
I accept my fate but In exchange for my voice and hearing, I wish for Kame’s happiness.
More than anything else, I want him to be happy.
Kame shut the notebook, his heart throbbing with pain. He held the notebook tightly in his hand as several thoughts came over him. After a moment, Kame stood abruptly. He grabbed all his stuff and headed towards the exit of the Airport, not once looking back.
Idiot...
You’re such an idiot, Jin.
-
Kame took a moment to breathe the instant he reached Jin’s apartment. He wasted no time to press the doorbell as he waited, but there was no response. Realisation dawned upon him few seconds later, suddenly remembering that Jin could not hear. He immediately searched for the keys in his bag, finding himself in Jin’s bedroom not long after, staring right into familiar brown orbs.
“Kame ...” Jin mouthed as he stared at the figure in shock.
Kame simply smiled as he rushed towards Jin and pulled him into a hug, holding him really tightly as if not wanting to let him go, not ever again. He felt Jin’s arms wrapped his arms around his waist, the latter leaning his head on his shoulder. They stayed in that position for awhile before breaking apart, Jin searching for an answer from Kame.
His eyes widened when he sees his notebook in Kame’s possession, the younger one writing something on it, just below what Jin had last written.
A world without Jin isn’t a world I want to live in. From now on, I’ll be your strength and the reason for you to continue on living. Jin’s happiness is my happiness. You’re not going to be that selfish to take it all away, am I right?
Jin pondered for a moment then shook his head, his eyes glimmered with tears. He cupped Kame’s face lovingly, bending down to kiss him on the lips. He pulled apart, seeing a smile so beautiful from Kame, his happiness evident on his expression. Jin only realised it now that Kame’s happiness truthfully lies with him, together they are one whole.
I love you.
Jin mouthed, and there it was, Kame’s smile. He pulled Kame back into his arms and smiled contentedly.
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They don’t need sound to communicate, for they have the voices of their hearts.
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Author’s Note: I wrote this with a new style. This one-shot is rather vague. There are some things that are left unexplained. It is better to leave it that way. That was the purpose of the writing style for this one. Well, I hope you liked this, sososo21!~