RAPTURE DAY POST!
HOLY CRAP I AM TERRIBLE AT UPDATING THIS THING LATELY.
I should really post about my life for the past 5 months, even if every time I write about my life it ends up sounding like a shitty indie novel.
Things of major or minor importance that may or may not be elaborated on: I went across North America 3 TIMES since December. I fell in love with everybody pretty much. I volunteer at a wolf sanctuary now! I found out that I have PTSD and it's bad (HOORAY uugh). Medical problems involving my uterus/cervix. I am SECRETLY TRYING TO ACQUIRE A KITTEN. OH I am not dating Gabe anymore because he turned out to be hilariously crazy I guess. MY BAD.
Today though, IS JUDGEMENT DAY/my BFFs birthday and we are going to eat chocolate fondue while supervising a local anime club for kids at a library. I am excited! And then on Sunday I am going to the punk rock flea market in Philadelphia with Liz (YESSSSSSSSS~!!) and it's going to be lots of fun. My previous room mate DJ and her metals partner Erin will be selling things there and Liz and I will bum around because we didn't hop on the table deals fast enough.
Now for trans stuff because I update abut that a lot here, and also so I can keep it straight in my own head:
I guess I'm genderqueer. I wanted to update about that for months, and couldn't really find the right words to articulate it. So now here it is, I'm just throwing it out there. I don't really identify as FtM or use it to describe that part of me anymore.
I've decided to get a breast reduction. The 'chest surgery or not' debate in my head was so overwhelming, but then when I considered reduction something just clicked. I don't know if it's safer to me, more fitting, or both. But I want a reduction to a very small A, so there's almost nothing there, but not quite nothing. If I end up not liking it, I could always get rid of it all later. I have the little bit of money saved up from my fundraiser from years ago. I'm just starting to research this and I'm very interested in talking to other people about it. It's funny, now that I've decided this even though surgery is still SUPER SCARY to me, I feel like I can't schedule this operation soon enough. I want it to happen like, next month. This week. Tomorrow. (UNREALISTIC)
I have to renew my driver's license still and am changing my gender marker on it just because I can. I am pretty sure I am also legally changing my name. To what? IT'S A SURPRISE!! I'll tell you when I get it done. :D I don't care about changing my sex on my birth certificate. I wonder if this will cause me problems in the future with various things? 90% or me doesn't care.
I think I'm over the guilt of my parents with my name. Even though I like that name, it's really irritating to have everyone in a formal setting refer to me by it, like at the bank and at job interviews because I HAVE to put down my legal name. So the first few times I had to deal with this after coming back to PA I frowned and flippantly decided 'yeah this stinks, I think I'll just change it.' That name is for special people, not people I don't know, and it feels almost violating for the bank teller to use it for me. I can't completely explain this.
I need to know more about hysterectomies. This is both a trans thing and a health thing. I am hoping that when I DO get insurance that this will be covered, whatever happens. I don't want my ovaries removed if possible because I'm ok with them making hormones. Uterus and cervix would have to come out, and maybe fallopian tubes if that's something that still causes cramping and pain.
Ok. Now for more un-trans things. I am going back to school. For Chemistry probably. Because I am just that cool. I've also been getting really into physics. And by 'really into' I mean I read about it every time I'm on the toilet. Sometimes I get really ahead of myself on school things, like wanting to do the semester at sea program and study in different countries, and then I remember 'oh right, money. Gotta figure that out.'
Mentally, I feel really healthy and great. Even if my life is sub-par at times or hilariously boring, financially destitute and isolated, I'm pretty optimistic. I have been getting lonely a lot since I've been back in PA, but I know it's circumstancial and not that I'm depressed. Plus I just lived in a room with Kite for like, 3 months straight and it's weird to suddenly not always have someone so great just there all the time to talk to/for company.
Now that this entry has unintentionally gotten long, I will end it.
I should really post about my life for the past 5 months, even if every time I write about my life it ends up sounding like a shitty indie novel.
Things of major or minor importance that may or may not be elaborated on: I went across North America 3 TIMES since December. I fell in love with everybody pretty much. I volunteer at a wolf sanctuary now! I found out that I have PTSD and it's bad (HOORAY uugh). Medical problems involving my uterus/cervix. I am SECRETLY TRYING TO ACQUIRE A KITTEN. OH I am not dating Gabe anymore because he turned out to be hilariously crazy I guess. MY BAD.
Today though, IS JUDGEMENT DAY/my BFFs birthday and we are going to eat chocolate fondue while supervising a local anime club for kids at a library. I am excited! And then on Sunday I am going to the punk rock flea market in Philadelphia with Liz (YESSSSSSSSS~!!) and it's going to be lots of fun. My previous room mate DJ and her metals partner Erin will be selling things there and Liz and I will bum around because we didn't hop on the table deals fast enough.
Now for trans stuff because I update abut that a lot here, and also so I can keep it straight in my own head:
I guess I'm genderqueer. I wanted to update about that for months, and couldn't really find the right words to articulate it. So now here it is, I'm just throwing it out there. I don't really identify as FtM or use it to describe that part of me anymore.
I've decided to get a breast reduction. The 'chest surgery or not' debate in my head was so overwhelming, but then when I considered reduction something just clicked. I don't know if it's safer to me, more fitting, or both. But I want a reduction to a very small A, so there's almost nothing there, but not quite nothing. If I end up not liking it, I could always get rid of it all later. I have the little bit of money saved up from my fundraiser from years ago. I'm just starting to research this and I'm very interested in talking to other people about it. It's funny, now that I've decided this even though surgery is still SUPER SCARY to me, I feel like I can't schedule this operation soon enough. I want it to happen like, next month. This week. Tomorrow. (UNREALISTIC)
I have to renew my driver's license still and am changing my gender marker on it just because I can. I am pretty sure I am also legally changing my name. To what? IT'S A SURPRISE!! I'll tell you when I get it done. :D I don't care about changing my sex on my birth certificate. I wonder if this will cause me problems in the future with various things? 90% or me doesn't care.
I think I'm over the guilt of my parents with my name. Even though I like that name, it's really irritating to have everyone in a formal setting refer to me by it, like at the bank and at job interviews because I HAVE to put down my legal name. So the first few times I had to deal with this after coming back to PA I frowned and flippantly decided 'yeah this stinks, I think I'll just change it.' That name is for special people, not people I don't know, and it feels almost violating for the bank teller to use it for me. I can't completely explain this.
I need to know more about hysterectomies. This is both a trans thing and a health thing. I am hoping that when I DO get insurance that this will be covered, whatever happens. I don't want my ovaries removed if possible because I'm ok with them making hormones. Uterus and cervix would have to come out, and maybe fallopian tubes if that's something that still causes cramping and pain.
Ok. Now for more un-trans things. I am going back to school. For Chemistry probably. Because I am just that cool. I've also been getting really into physics. And by 'really into' I mean I read about it every time I'm on the toilet. Sometimes I get really ahead of myself on school things, like wanting to do the semester at sea program and study in different countries, and then I remember 'oh right, money. Gotta figure that out.'
Mentally, I feel really healthy and great. Even if my life is sub-par at times or hilariously boring, financially destitute and isolated, I'm pretty optimistic. I have been getting lonely a lot since I've been back in PA, but I know it's circumstancial and not that I'm depressed. Plus I just lived in a room with Kite for like, 3 months straight and it's weird to suddenly not always have someone so great just there all the time to talk to/for company.
Now that this entry has unintentionally gotten long, I will end it.