Nov 27, 2007 22:47
Fresh flowers. Dustless surface. Quiet surrounding only the sound of raindrops falling on the roof. I find myself running to you again whenever I feel sad. Maybe it's me, some things I can never let go..I just wished you were still here sometimes..At least someone's there to hear me out..at least someone there to hear me cry..
Things went really bad in school yest. For once in 2 yrs I couldn't hold my tears..not in front of my boss. I felt so useless then..I felt like all the hardwork Ive put into work, all the hours I've spent trying to make things right, all the energy I've used to try and help the kids learn..all went to nothing within that 5 mins. I felt so much like quitting on the spot, I felt like giving up...I didn't know why I was there, I didn't know what made me stay for 2 yrs, I don't even know why I'm in this job! i hate myself for being so useless. When I looked into Andrew's eyes I really felt like crying..I wanted so much to tell him I'm sorry I couldn't do anything more to help him. Maybe I really ain't a good teacher..
Work is draining so much outta me and it's killing me inside. I try to escape from life by putting all the energy into work. Alas, like all times I've failed again. I failed to realise how incompetent I really am..all these while. Maybe I'm just a bimbo afterall. I relaly want to go away..I dread staying here. I want to start a new life somewhere else.
After you left, I've treid so hard to make things right for myself. I told myself that I've to learn to be independent, I will be strong, I will be more brave to try new things, I will learn to embrace life..I've tried all these keeping your words in mind. After I left for Australia, I've learnt to accept that life will still go on without you. I've tried hard not to think abt the times we've shared. I've tried hard to move on with life...but after so many years..still I find myself running back to you again. Can I not live without you Jason? Can I not hear your voice in my head once more? Can I not let go of you for good?
Friends tell me I'm too passive. Friends tell me I've to break through. Friends tell me I should learn to give people a chance. These words sound so vaguely familiar. And all these I've tried. But maybe God doesnt want all these to go right. and then friends turn around and ask me why do I always meet the wrong guys? Friends ask why do I always allow myself to slip into misery? Friends ask am I still not letting you go? I don't know!!!! Jason.. I really don't know. Maybe deep down inside I feel I've let you down. If I wasn't so wilful..If I didn't think that tomorrow couldnt be filled with endless promises..If I'd believed you..maybe things would have turned out different.
But you never told me how much you needed me to be there for you. You never told me you'd needed me too. That's why I felt I was sucha burden to you I'd rather let u go. I really regret all the things I've said to u..I wished I could turn back time.. I wished I could go 7 yrs back..gosh 7 yrs..it's been so long..I wished I didn't have to say 'I'm sorry'...I wished I could say 'Thank you' instead.
Now..I feel so lost..so lost in life. so lost without you once again. I have yet fulfilled my dreams..no..I havent even started pursuing yet...knowing you'll nv be there to see me succeed. I keep hearing your favourite song on the radio, I keep finding things that belong to you in my room, I keep thinking about you whenever I'm alone. It hurts so much..it really hurts. Sometimes I hide myself..sometimes I turn into a porcupine so no one will hurt me anymore. Sometimes I just wished you'd come back. Sometimes I wished we could start all over again. Sometimes I pray so hard that I can let you go...But at times I wished I never knew you...
I left the place. I saw no one. I heard no footsteps. Only the sound of raindrops falling on the roof. Only the sound of my heart beat. Only the sound of the engine. And I felt a warm drop of tear fall onto my arm. I guess I can never let you go..I'm sorry baby.
在东京铁塔第一次眺望
看灯火模仿坠落的星光
我终於到达但却更悲伤
一个人完成我们的梦想
你总说时间还很多
你可以等我
以前我不懂得
未必明天就有以后
想念是会呼吸的痛
它活在我身上所有角落
哼你爱的歌会痛
看你的信会痛连沉默也痛
遗憾是会呼吸的痛
它流在血液中来回滚动
后悔不贴心会痛
恨不懂你会痛
想见不能见最痛
没看你脸上张扬过哀伤
那是种多么寂寞的倔强
你拆了城墙让我去流浪
在原地等我把自己捆绑
你没说你也会软弱
需要依赖我
我就装不晓得
自由移动自我地过
想念是会呼吸的痛
它活在我身上所有角落
哼你爱的歌会痛
看你的信会痛连沉默也痛
遗憾是会呼吸的痛
它流在血液中来回滚动
后悔不贴心会痛
恨不懂你会痛
想见不能见最痛
我发誓不再说谎了
多爱你就会抱你多紧的
我的微笑都假了
灵魂像飘浮着你在就好了
我发誓不让你等候
陪你做想做的无论什么
我越来越像贝壳
怕心被人触碰你回来那就好了
能重来那就好了